WT 104: How Do I Get Through to My Tween
Tween moms and those of you approaching the tween years do not want to miss today’s episode.
Question 1: I have an 11 year old daughter who continues to talk back and speak sassy after years and years of trying to teach, correct, and love her through it. I feel like I have tried everything from hot sauce when she was 3 to pleading with God nowadays. How can her dad and I teach her to honor us with her words?
Karen’s Answer: If she were my daughter I would shut down her life, her privileges would be gone until she started changing her attitude. I mean, everything. Cell phone is a privilege, spend the nights with friends, talking on the phone, texting, sports, everything. Her life as she knows it would be gone. I would slowly integrate the privileges back in after you see some improvement. I would tell her you love her, there for her, but you are not going to put up with disrespect from an 11 year old. She is too precious to you to be up with it.
Question 2: What’s the best way to request that other parents not allow my 11 year old daughter to play video games or use their computers when she is over at friend’s homes that are more lenient about content? I don’t want my daughter to be cut off from social opportunities, but video games negatively impact her behavior and I’d rather she were doing something else at friend’s houses anyway?
Karen’s Answer: You are going to have to tell the parent exactly what you just told me, and why. If the parents don’t comply, then you should still stick to your guns. You know your daughter best and what she can and cannot handle. Sometimes in life, she will be cut off from social opportunities, but honestly, it’s okay. Social opportunities aren’t always the greatest and cannot be what makes our decisions as parents. Believe me, in high school, she will more than likely be missing a lot of social opportunities, but she will be better off in missing them.
Question 3: I have two young teenagers-a 14 year old girl and a 13 year old boy. How can I continue to foster love between them during these hormone-filled, becoming-my-own-person years? Some days they are best buds, but most days they are aggravated with each other and off in their own zone.
Karen’s Answer: I’d give them their space and let them figure out this journey. You can’t force it, be glad that there are days where they are best buds (that is awesome!) They will more than likely go back and forth, but I have found with my children, especially as adults, their relationship is on them. I say that and also say, if you see one treating the other unkindly, then correct that behavior, but unless it is bad, let them navigate it themselves.
Question 4: Is there a verse you held onto during your children’s teenagers years to keep you from comparing them to their friends? Example: Jacob is the star quarterback, while my son didn’t even make the team.
Karen’s Answer: Psalms 139:13-14 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” My son Taylor didn’t make the football team in middle school, he and one other boy were the only ones that did not make it, and he had worked out all summer, ran, lifted weights and he was heart broken. Of course I was devastated and wanted to march into the coach’s office, but I didn’t. Taylor ended up finding the sport of golf, and it was a great fit for him. He played 7th-11th grade on a team and plays to this day. What was so hard and painful, ended up being a great thing. Abby compared herself to her siblings, and Emily with Kelsey, and Kelsey to Emily, I would tell ALL of them, you were fearfully and wonderfully made, and God does NOT make mistakes. It is hard moms! I get it. Keep reminding yourself that God does not make mistakes and all things work together for good for those that love the Lord. Romans 8:28
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Thank you moms, have a great day!