WT 012: How Do I Raise My Son?
Last week on Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs, we talked all about girls (Listen to WT 011: How Do I Raise a Daughter? here!) So this week, Karen and Sunny are discussing: How Do I Raise My Son?
Question 1: “I have 3 sons, from 15 months to 5-years- old. My little boys play so rough! Especially with each other! They aren’t overly aggressive; it’s just the spirit God gave them. However, I notice that they don’t change how rough they play when they have play dates with girls or hang around their female cousins. How do I teach them that they should be gentle and respect their female friends?”
Karen’s Answer: Boys are fun and we don’t want to crush their adventurous spirit. But, they also must learn the difference between a boy and a girl.
Start by pointing out the differences between mommy and daddy. Tell them you don’t like to play rough, like daddy does, but you like to snuggle on the sofa. Girls are softer and you have to be more gentle with girls—sort of like how you have to be gentle with a puppy or a new baby.
Question 2: “What do I say to my sons to encourage them when they lose? Either school sports, or video games with a sibling, or even board games with family. One of my sons cries, the other one gives up halfway. Finding the right words came naturally to me with my daughter, but I just don’t know the heart of boys.”
Karen’s Answer: You can start by empathizing with them. Tell them you don’t like to lose either. Teach them the difference between a good loser and a bad loser. You can point out everyone loses at some point in their life. It is not the losing that is important, it’s your attitude.
Taylor doesn’t like to lose either—and my entire family is very competitive. Taylor played golf which is a trying sport. One time he threw his club out of frustration. After his match, I pulled him aside and told him I didn’t ever want to see that again. If he could not have a good attitude then he wasn’t going to be playing the game.
Don’t give up, keep teaching your young men to strive for a good attitude. No one likes to lose. But, it is important they learn how to lose well.
Question 3: “My son is in high school and obsessed with girls! He doesn’t openly talk to me about it, but I know girls are the number 1 thing on his mind. I think co-ed youth group is the highlight of his week! I know this is very natural, but how do I start to have conversations with him about this? How do I make sure his spiritual life remains strong when I know that for this stage of life, it’s not the thing he cares about most?”
Karen’s Answer: He may not want to open up to you because you are his mom. Ask your husband to talk to him. Coach your husband on areas to teach on and why they are important.
I think all teens struggle with keeping God #1 in their lives. But, I would talk to Taylor about his walk with the Lord. When high school became busy, I would ask him how he was doing with his quiet times and would even buy him devotionals. As he grew older I taught him how to journal. I think we just keep teaching. Never stop trying to connect with your son, even if it is not over girls. Maybe it’s through his sports, food, hobbies…whatever it is, stay in touch with him.
Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. If you want to have weekly encouragement emailed to you, sign up for free weekly tips of motherhood here!