WT 043: How Do I Parent Through Divorce?

by Karen Stubbs | Birds on a Wire | Wire Talk Podcast

We all make decisions and sometimes we make decisions that are best for our happiness. Those decisions are sometimes hard to explain to our children. Listen to today’s episode to hear Karen answer your questions on How Do I Parent Through Divorce?

Question 1: Karen, my husband and I have spent the last few years working on our marriage, but have decided to divorce. Even though it’s not a surprise, I feel emotionally wrecked. What are some encouraging verses or books for me to begin my healing process? What are prayers I can be praying for my kids? 

Karen’s Answer: 
I know it’s hard.  Of course you are emotionally wrecked, how could you not be? I’m sorry.  People act like divorce is no big deal, but it is and it is hard.
Read these Verses and Chapter to give your comfort:

  • Jeremiah 29:11
  • Psalm 56:3
  • Isaiah 54

Question 2: Karen, our good family friends are divorcing as well as several couples in our church. What is the best way to love on them during this time without making them feel like I’m inserting myself where I don’t belong? How should I explain divorce and what it means to my kids?

Karen’s Answer:
How do you love on your friends going through a divorce? Just be there for them, listen, comfort, support. I think they will let you know if you are doing too much. Most of the time we shy away and that is when people need us the most.  How do you explain divorce to your children? That is a hard one.  I would be honest, tell them they’ve decided they don’t want to live with each other anymore.  But, make sure you tell your children, that you and your husband are good and that is not going to happen in your family.

Question 3: I am suddenly a single mom, a place I never dreamed I would be, and am feeling overwhelmed with all the newness it brings. What are practical ways for me to calm my mind, stop worrying so much, and trust God?

Karen’s Answer:
I’m sorry.  I know it is a hard place to be.  I’ve walked this road with my sister, and have seen the fear in her eyes.  You need to take your thoughts captive and renew your mind with God’s truth.  When your mind starts to race thinking, “What am I going to do?” Remind yourself that God has a plan for your life, Jeremiah 29:11.  When you think, “Are my children going to be okay?” Remind yourself of God’s word in Psalms 68:5, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his dwelling.” and Jeremiah 49:11 “Leave your fatherless children; I will keep  them alive. Your widows too can depend on me.”

Question 4: My husband and I are in couples counseling. I am hopeful that we’ll repair our marriage but on some days I’m honestly not sure. I know that kids are incredible observers and can probably sense tension, should we just have a talk with them about what’s going on? Or do you think it would scare and upset them? Nobody talks about how to handle this and I am clueless!

Karen’s Answer:
I really want Rachel Holcomb to speak into this answer.  I’ve asked her to join us for this session.

Rachel Holcomb’s Answer:
The first thing I did was bring my kids into counseling. I was really nervous about it because I didn’t know how to explain it to them. But I just explained to them, I had friend I would really like them to meet, she is wise, really good at listening and she has a fun office. They went in fine. They came out and said, “Mom I wish I could come everyday.”

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

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Thank you moms, have a great day!

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