WT 048: What Do I Do About Mommy Guilt?

by Karen Stubbs | Birds on a Wire | Wire Talk Podcast

If you’re a mom, you’re not exempt from feeling the weight guilt can bring. It sneaks in and takes root causing you to feel unvalued or like a disappointment. Don’t let that take control or define you as a mom! Today, Karen gives some practical encouragement for moms dealing with guilt in any part of their motherhood journey as she answers questions on: What Do I Do About Mommy Guilt?

Question 1: Hi Karen, I stayed home when my first two kids were born and young, but after having my third last year, I needed to go back to work. I can already see a difference in small things, like how she doesn’t have a baby book filled with photos like the other two, but I just feel so guilty about the big things like dropping her off every day at day care. Please help me with any advice you have on how to get through this.

Karen’s Answer: I get it. First off, cut yourself some slack, Abby’s baby book is not filled in at all, except for the first few pages that I did in the hospital, like her weight, height, etc.  As far as the dropping her off at day care, I’m sure you have chosen the best day care that works for your family, so remind yourself of that.  You NEED to be at work remember? So, you are providing for your family, just in a different way. It’s all part of life, there are seasons you make sacrifices, but that doesn’t mean you love less, you actually are loving more.

Question 2:  Karen, thank you so much for the podcast each week. I am a single mom and I am really struggling with feeling guilty that my kids don’t have married parents. Even though I know I’ve done everything in my power to keep their lives as normal and happy as possible. Do you think I will I ever get over feeling this way?

Karen’s Answer: I think you may always “wish” your family life looks differently, just like anything in life that you go through and it is hard, we “wish” the circumstances were different, but you don’t need to feel guilty, you did what you could do, now you need to make the best of what you have.  Make lemonade out of your lemons.

Question 3: Karen, I am not a crafty person and I also don’t consider myself super creative. Pinterest doesn’t inspire me; it overwhelms me thinking about the clean-up process those people had to go through. My kid’s friend’s moms as super creative though. They through these elaborate and creative birthday parties and send in individually decorated cookies to school for birthdays. Not only do I not have the time, but I don’t have the interest. I am scared that one day my kids will resent me for not being as cool of a mom as their friend’s were.

Karen’s Answer: You’ve got to celebrate who YOU are! And in being what you are, means there are some things you are not.  If your children do resent you for not being a cool mom, that is their issue. You should let them deal with it. I don’t think that will happen. Creative birthday parties are amazing, but at the end of the day, it is how we love that is the most important. My mom was the least creative person of all. She didn’t even like to celebrate birthdays and I love her to death. I realize that is not her thing, but she has a lot of wonderful traits.

Question 4: Karen, I feel like I am constantly letting people down. I don’t spend enough time with my kids, I don’t dote on my husband enough, I always have to cancel last minute on friends, we are always the family walking in 20 minutes late to church. I am tired of feeling so guilty all of the time. Can you share your advice?

Karen’s Answer: Narrow your focus. It sounds like you are stretching yourself too thin, and you are not doing anything really well. You are trying to do too much. My advice: Focus on your husband, then your children, and friends come last.  As far as being late for church, get up earlier.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

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