WT 060: What Are The Different Personality Colors?

by Karen Stubbs | Birds on a Wire | Wire Talk Podcast

We talk about pretty much everything related to motherhood on this podcast—but there’s something that you, our sweet listeners, have asked us more than anything. What are the personality colors?

On other podcast episodes, you’ve probably heard me say that I have 2 red daughters and a green daughter, or that I’m yellow, or that my son is blue. But what does it mean? It’s a method for being a student of your child that has helped me so much as a mom. We hope you enjoy today’s episode and encourage you to look at the related resources to read and learn more about the colors!

Question 1: Karen, I’ve heard you mention personality colors before when it comes to our kids. What are those colors and what are the characteristics of each?  

Karen’s Answer: There are four different personality colors and they include Red, Yellow, Blue, and Green. Here’s a quick look at what they represent:

  • Red: Control
  • Yellow: Fun
  • Blue: Perfect
  • Green: Peace

It’s important to know your color and your child’s color. For example, if I am a Green parent and I have a Red child, all I want as a parent is peace, and all a Red child wants is control. So, as a Green mom, I will more than likely give my Red child control, just to bring peace into the family. But, in the long run, that isn’t good for you or your child. 

Let’s look at it another way. A Yellow mom is a mom who always looks for the fun in life and doesn’t take things too seriously. But if that Yellow mom has a Blue child who is a lot more serious, where life isn’t a party, the mom’s fun loving way can rub her Blue child the wrong way. Without even meaning to, she can make her child feel misunderstood.

I actually am the Yellow parent, and Taylor, my son, is the Blue child. When Taylor was three, I read the book Personality Plus for Parents, and learned a lot about personalities and why knowing them was so important. I went from thinking Taylor was strange to understanding his sensitive ways, and our relationship changed for the better.  

Make it a goal to become a student of your child. Study him or her and notice what gets your child excited and what stresses your child out. A great resource that can help you do this is our Mom Core
study.

Question 2: Karen, my daughter is bright red and I love her spirit. I find it challenging, though, to discern what her natural leadership traits are versus her taking it too far and just being bossy.  I love when she is taking charge and being my helper when it comes to her younger siblings, but sometimes she crosses a line and acts like a controlling big sister. How do I work through this with her?  

Karen’s Answer: It’s a fact that all Reds want to be in charge and younger siblings offer a great opportunity for them to meet that desire to “control” a person or environment.  But if you as the mom think she’s stepping over the line, then more than likely, she is.  Trust your gut. You are the parent.  

My daughter Kelsey was this way, and I was constantly telling her when she was little, “I am the parent, you worry about being the child, and I will handle the parenting. I don’t need or want your help.” I know that sounds harsh, but Reds don’t mind harsh; they prefer for you to be straight shooters and will respect you more in the long run.

Remember, you’re the parent, so be the parent.

Question 3: Hi Karen, my son seems to be very melancholy and blue. I want him to know that I respect who he is and I’m not trying to change him, but I also don’t want to give him a free pass when he is being unkind or rude.

Karen’s Answer: Yes, you’re absolutely right that you never want to give a free pass to being unkind or rude, even if it’s more their nature. We each have positives and negatives to our temperaments, but that is where we as moms come into play to educate and teach our children.  

Taylor is my Melancholy.  Throughout his life, I’ve often told him, “I know you’re not trying to be rude or unkind, because you are a very kind person, but when you were tapping your watch and counting down the time out loud to your sisters today who were getting ready for church wasn’t helpful, but rude. I know being on time is very important to you but  I need you to think about your actions.”

I think it’s good to know your child’s temperament, but we can’t stop there and allow them to live in their weaknesses; instead, let’s help them grow in their strengths. So be brave! Step up and don’t be afraid to call them out when they are in the wrong.

Question 4: My daughter is green and would prefer to never rock the boat. I love how go-with-the-flow she is, but I also want to teach her to stand up for herself. How can I teach her to do that?

Karen’s Answer: It will be a long road, because it is so uncomfortable for her, but each time you encourage her to stand up for herself, and she does, even in the slightest way, praise her and point out to her that she stood up for herself and she didn’t die from it! She persevered and she succeeded. Think small steps and you’ll eventually help her conquer the big stuff too.

My Emily is my Green and it was so hard for her to stand up to other people when they were trying to walk over her or overlook her opinions or participation. It was truly a journey helping her through it.   Though she’s pretty good now at defending herself and asserting her voice when she needs to, she can still struggle and so she still needs my encouragement from time to time, because Green’s key word is peace and that will always be her comfortable default.

As a mom, you can help your Green child best by encouraging her, praising her when she stands up for herself and being patient when she struggles with it.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

The original book that explains the personality colors: Personality Plus for Parents: Understanding What Makes Your Child Tick Paperback by Florence Littauer 

BOAW Curriculum where we spend time talking about the colors: Mom Core 

Moms, we know your time is precious, thanks for spending it with us! Remember, if you have a question, we want to talk about it.

 

Because of people like you, we can have an even greater impact!