WT 064: How Do I Find My Passion Again?

by Karen Stubbs | Birds on a Wire | Wire Talk Podcast

Being a mom is one of the most rewarding things about life. There’s nothing like it. But before you were a mom, you were a woman with passions and hobbies and goals. Sometimes, we lose touch of that when we have our kids. How do we get that back?

Question 1: Karen, over the last 6 years I’ve have three babies. Unless God has other plans, I think our third is our last one. I’ve heard you say on the podcast before that when you have babies you can feel like a human cow and that’s exactly how I have felt for 6 years. Before kids, I had lots of hobbies like going on hikes with my husband and traveling. These feel too complicated now that I have kids, but how do I find passion for hobbies and life outside of being a mom again?

Karen’s Answer: GREAT question! I love how these questions are so real.  Thank you for being real! What I hear you asking is, “How do I get my inner girl back!” Answer: It may take you a little time, but don’t give up the search.  I think you may find that your inner girl has grown up, but she’s still there.  Yeah, you may not go hiking or traveling with your husband because now you have three kiddos and it is overwhelming, but maybe you need to take a vacation with your husband, just the two of you. I would suggest at least five days. It takes you two just to settle down and relax.  

Also, you can start small.  Maybe start by going on a date with your husband, and actually get dressed up, put on a new outfit for the night, not just what you’ve been wearing all day. Brush your hair, spruce up a bit.  That always helps me feel more special. While you are out, don’t talk about the kids. Dream a little.  Dream of a vacation with your husband where it’s just the two of you, and where you would go, what you would do.

Yes, all the time.  Listen, the other day, I had to go pick up Greg at Marta.  I had on my comfy clothes because I had driven from a speaking engagement about an hour and a half away.  When Greg called and said he was on Marta, I was watching a movie, Under the Tuscan Sun, and I was so tempted to just go in my comfy clothes.  But, in this movie, Diane Lane’s character was finding herself and she inspired me, to dress up. So I did.  I changed clothes, brushed my hair, put on lipstick and a higher heeled shoe.  I felt pretty good.  The look on Greg’s face when he saw me, well, it felt good. Ladies , we can’t let ourselves get sucked into mommy world.  It is a piece of our world, but not our whole world.  Please don’t forget that.  Yes, we can be a human cow, and that is a good thing, but we are SO much more! Start searching for your inner girl! Don’t give up until you find her, even if she is a new version of her!

Question 2:  Karen, my husband and I get along well and still love each other, but over the last few years with kids and the busyness of life, I feel like our romantic spark is fading. How do we work to get it back?

Karen’s Answer: Listen, this part of your marriage takes work! Get creative! You have to work at keeping the spark lit, it doesn’t happen on it’s own.  Light some candles, start telling your husband about what you are planning for the night and how excited you are. Have fun with it.  

Go on a vacation just the two of you.  It doesn’t have to be somewhere expensive, but get away. Don’t talk about the kids.

Marriage is a huge topic, so we have a few podcast episodes dedicated to just marriage. Episode 7 was “How Do I Keep My Marriage a Priority”, Episode 36 was “How do I reconnect with my spouse.” You can either scroll back on itunes to find them, or we will link them on today’s show notes at birdsonawiremoms.com/episode63

What is one practical thing they can do today that will help them with this topic?
Buy a new outfit for night time 🙂

Question 3: Karen, I am a stay at home mom and I feel so lucky that I have the opportunity to do it. However, I used to be really well-respected at my job before I left, and having people look up to me and ask my advice fueled a lot of my personal fulfillment. Now I have 30 minute arguments with a three-year-old about wearing matching shoes. How do I bring back the feeling of being important in my own life?   


Karen’s Answer: You are VERY important!!! Listen, I don’t care what job you have in an organization, whether you are the CEO of a major company or what you do… in 20 years no one at the company will more than likely even remember your name, and for sure not in 50 years.  But, in 20 years your children will remember your name, and even in 50 years.  The impact you are making on your children is eternal.  I am all for working, but I know that at the end of the day, my value is not found in my job, not even in BOAW, my value is placed on WHO I am in Jesus Christ.  And as a mom, I am passing all my value onto my children.   

How did you experience this yourself as a mom and how did you overcome it?

Honestly I did and it is an identity issue.  So many times we place our identity in what we do and I think that is what this mom is feeling.  I have done that before too. But, our identity is not in what we do, it is WHO we are in Christ.  That is the key.  IF you are not sure if you are placing your identity in something or someone it will be revealed to you when that something or someone is removed.  

Also, this is the hardest part of being a mom, is seeing your value.  No one is handing out awards for Best PB& J sandwich maker.  But, our job is so important.  We are shaping the next generation.  Our work as moms is literally impacting the future and is being passed onto the next generation.  How did I overcome it? I managed it by constantly renewing my mind with God’s word.


Question 4: Karen, I have a heart and passion for service and have always loved volunteering at my church. Now that my kids are in elementary and middle school, their schedules are getting busier and I have to pull back on my volunteer commitments. How do I balance my personal passions with my kids schedules without feeling guilty either way?


Karen’s Answer: Realize this is a season in your life, and like any other season, it will not last forever. In a few years you can get back into your passion.  Don’t get discouraged, once the high schools get wind of your excellent volunteering skills, they will be after you! Trust me on that.  

I sure did experience it. But, life is about making choices.  You are deciding that prioritizing your children is the best choice for you and your family.  In today’s age, I think you are making a wise choice.  I don’t regret the time invested in my children. Volunteer work will always be needed.

And a dear friend told me the other when she was making a decision about where to invest her time, “It’s not always about me.” I told her, “Preach!”  Your time will come again , I promise.

Thank you, moms. Have a great day!

Because of people like you, we can have an even greater impact!