I’m just going to say it, moms; having children takes a toll on a marriage. Whether you are just starting out with a newborn, or navigating the toddler years of discipline, or the chaotic schedule of elementary and middle school, or working through the crazy teenage years, keeping your eyes on your marriage while also raising kids is HARD WORK. I promise you, it’s worth all the effort.

Here are a few tips that Greg and I learned along the way:

1. Stay united, especially in front of the children.

Save your disagreements with each other’s parenting styles for behind closed doors. Children need to see a united front, so they will not play one against the other. If you need more help understanding what this looks like, watch the free video session on Being United from our Parenting Together curriculum with your spouse!

2. Keep your spouse #1.

Moms, we tend to put our kids first. As newborns, they truly need us 24/7, but often we don’t transition out of that mode fast enough and we leave our husbands getting our 2nd best while we focus on the kids. You need to do whatever it takes to flip your priority to your husband, moms. I know it’s hard, and you don’t feel like you have the time, energy or money, but you must invest in your marriage.

3. Don’t do everything yourself.

We can be tempted to micromanage everything around the house, and then we complain that no one ever helps us! Ask your husband for help, and when he does help, let him do it his way. He more than likely won’t do it the way you would do it, but that is okay! Let go of your desire to control him and keep in mind, he is helping!

4. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.

That means you need to believe the best in each other. If he hasn’t done something you asked him to do, assume that he was working on something more urgent or important, not that he doesn’t love you or want to help you out. This step is the hardest to do, but will make the biggest impact.

Read more on Marriage from Karen here:

Making Your Husband #1

Dating Your Husband