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Boundaries for Teens

Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World

Today we're wrapping up our three part series by answering your questions on what discipline looks like as our kids move into adolescence. Karen explains the key principle that as moms, these are the years when we need to let consequences play out in our kids' lives.

Question 1: My 15 year old daughter has been caught lying several times in the past month. Any good ideas for disciplining a lying teenager?  

Karen’s Answer: I would shut down her social life until she can earn your trust again.  I would keep her close to you and your house, and stress that when you see her being honest, she will slowly regain her privileges back. Be Strong!

Question 2: My 16 year old son is extremely bright and capable, but he’s just flat out lazy. Whether it’s school work or work work (not that he’s even had a “real” job yet) he just doesn’t have any intrinsic motivation to do his best and what I know he can do. How do you motivate a teen boy? I hate to see him wasting his potential.
Karen’s Answer: Take three giant steps back, allow his dad to speak into his life, and allow the consequences play out.  If he doesn’t do well in school, he may have to attend summer school, not get into the college he wants, etc.  Hard lessons, but better to learn them at 16 than 36. Pick someone in your life that will hold you accountable on allowing actions/consequences play out.

Question 3: My son (high school senior ) is arrogant about everything. From little things that I know don’t matter and that I shouldn’t even engage him in to bigger things like politics or social issues, he’s just full of himself! The know-it-all attitude just drives me insane some days. Any tips to help us live peacefully together for the next few months and then when he’s back home from college in the fall?

Karen’s Answer: Ignore it.  Most teens are that way, especially boys! Life will teach him, you will not need to say a word.  Get some AirPods,and listen to music ☺

Question 4: How do I combat the entitled attitude my teens often take (entitled to my money, to unfettered access to their technology and devices, to getting what they want when they want it basically…)
Karen’s Answer: Stop giving them everything and take some stuff away, until they appreciate it. We have created these entitled children.  Take back the reins. I think all moms experience it to a certain degree. When my child starts acting that way I would tell myself, “Okay, it is time for me to stop being so “giving” and let them earn it themselves.” It will work, but it’s hard to do. Remind yourself daily, you are the adult, the parent, and you can do this!!!