Resources and Links from this show:

Personality Quiz

Says Who? Curriculum 1 & 2

Live event with Karen in Houston

WT 122: Finding Your Purpose with Candace Cameron Bure

Today we are back to one of your favorite topics moms - it’s the personality colors! Today we are going to talk specifically about the red temperament, so all of our bold and powerful red mommas - listen up!

Reds are a powerful temperament.  They want control, and are usually strong leaders.  They are fiercely loyal, decisive, hard workers, see things in a positive light, they have a “can-do” attitude.  Their weakness are they are blunt, bossy, want their way, think they are always right, can be combative, and control by anger.

Question 1: How can I loosen up the negative “control freak” nature that comes as being a red? It causes a lot of conflict in my relationships & try as I might to loosen the reigns I find it extremely difficult as my need to control is my safety net.

Karen’s Answer: GREAT question!!! I love your honesty! Okay, you are believing a lie, that you must be in control to be safe, secure or significant.   We have to renew our minds with God’s truth.  He did make you Red, but it can be a weakness, your control, so make it a strength and lean into Him.  Get into the word of God because the truth of the matter is:

• God’s power is made perfect in my weakness. 2 Cor 12: 9-10

• God guides the humble in what is right. Psalm25:9

• My security comes from knowing Christ. 2 Cor 1:21-22

• I am to look to the Lord and his strength. 1 Chron 16:11

Question 2: How a red parent can learn to better parent a red child?! It seems like we are constantly butting heads and having power struggles!!

Karen’s Answer: I have been this way with my Red children.  I’m Yellow/Red, but when my Red feels threatened, it rears it’s ugly head.  I think as the Red parent, you need to listen to your Red child.  It is important that a Red feels heard and appreciated. You can even say statements like, “I hear what you are saying, and I think that is a good idea, but I’ve decided this time that we are going in this direction.” Also, pick your battles with a Red, you as the mom don’t have to “win” every conversation. Acknowledge to your Red child that they have good ideas, they probably do, and tell them when they get a little older, you can see that happening.  Reds need to get credit for their work, acknowledgement of their ideas, need you to be loyal to them. Be flexible and realize as a Red mom you don’t have to be in control of everything all the time.

Question 3: I left the workplace and chose to stay at home full time when my first child was born and I feel like I’m only just now realizing how much of my identity was wrapped up in the accolades I was used to receiving at work. Being home is fulfilling and yet also totally lacking in those opportunities I used to have where I’d receive that kind of positive attention from. I don’t want to return to working and I feel like the Lord is using this time to refine me, but any suggestions or thoughts for how to navigate this identity shift? How do I know what part of it needed to die (because it wasn’t godly) and what part of that was a healthy outlet for my God-given talents?

Karen’s Answer: Great question, and I think all moms struggle with this, even when they are working moms.  In motherhood, you just don’t get accolades, not for a long while. I think you have to realize you are working unto the Lord, and your work is to do the best job you can do, and realize your accolades will come later on in life, after your children are grown and they appreciate you.  But! In the meantime, God sees you, and you are doing a good work, so don’t come down. Change your perspective and realize you are sowing GREAT seeds that will reap a bountiful harvest one day, and that is when you will have the accolades.  

Question 4: Can you talk about red mommas and anger? I never thought I had a temper (I mean, I didn’t!) until I had kids. But now I find myself yelling almost daily at some point over something. Any tips for remaining calm when my kids aren’t obeying or listening?

Karen’s Answer: We can all get angry when dealing with children, because they don’t always mind, listen or obey.  That frustrates us. I think the thing you have to keep in mind, is that parenting is a marathon, so lower your expectations and get your mind set that this is a long road.  keep short accounts with your children.  I think you need to let your children know that you are not going to be asking them 20 times anymore to do something, you are going to ask them one time, and if they don’t mind you they will be punished.  I think what we do is we tell our children something, they don’t do it, because they don’t want to, they are being lazy, or they are young and just push the boundaries. Then we as a mom lose it on them. So, we as the adult, need to step back, be proactive and stop this pattern.  We yell because we feel out of control and we think that is the only way our children will listen, but that is not true.  They will listen, we just have to get their attention, and let them know we mean business. I felt like with my children, they would go in waves of good behavior and then bad behavior, and usually when they not minding it was because I had allowed bad behavior to continue. Adjust your mindset and take back control of your emotions/family.