Today we are talking all things home management on Wire Talk. From splitting space in your home with a work-from-home spouse to organizing toys and rooms, we even talk about how to keep the kids from getting into your stuff! Karen is feeling fiesty today, so get ready for a little tough love.

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Question 1: I’m a stay at home mom and my husband has flexibility in his job to work from home some. Pre-covid, I struggled to organize my days and keep sanity with him in and out of the house on various days and times. Since covid he is working from home way more, but it’s still very sporadic because of Covid exposures at his office (sometimes weeks at a time!!) 

I struggle with keeping my 2 and 4 year old on a daily rhythm, getting things done, and getting “me time” these days (is it the 2 and 4 year old, or the husband working from home?). His office is in the bedroom, but he can still hear us and if he comes out of the office to “intervene” when the kids act out, I struggle with feeling like a failure (though he would never want me to feel that way.)

I would appreciate any practical solutions for dad working from home with two littles in tow.

Karen’s Answer: I would create your schedule for you and the children, and do what works for you.  I found that a schedule makes it easy to manage expectations. For me, here would be a schedule that I could manage: Breakfast, get dressed for the day, run errands, lunch, nap time, get dinner started during naps, playtime outside or in playroom, dinner, bath time/bedtime routine.

I tried to do laundry on certain days, went to the park on certain days, hung out with a friend at her house and children on other days.  I also tried to stay as busy as I could (remember that worked for me, a yellow!)

• I would tell your husband, “Unless I call out for you to help then please don’t come intervene.  It only becomes worse when you help. I know you are trying, but I’m just saying it take me feel like I’m not doing my job.  If you were at work, you couldn’t “help” me. “

• I would hire a baby sitter for my “me” time even during the day.  It always felt good to get a sitter, go to the grocery store by myself and grab myself a treat like doing my nails, or having lunch with a friend. 

• Talk with your husband about him “staying at work, aka: the bedroom” during his work hours.

Question 2: We do not buy our 3 kiddos many toys at all but all the grandparents and aunts buy my kids SO MUCH STUFF. We’ve asked them to stop but it only gets marginally better. We’re literally running out of space, and I cannot figure out how to organize it, and I also don’t want our kids to be entitled brats. Help!

Karen’s Answer: I would praise the grandparents and aunts when they do well, and keep reminding them. Boundaries are essential.  As far as organization, I would put half the toys away and rotate them out every 3-6 months.  Also, bins are a good way to organize the toys and get them up and out of the way.  Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Ask them to do smaller gifts like stickers, and match box cars!

Question 3: Balancing it all! I work from home but it’s so hard to stay focused on work when the dryer buzzes or focus on homemaking when my email/messages are blowing up. How can I structure the day to weave working from home in with getting housework done? Trying to avoid the 5pm race to catch up with all things on the mom/wife front! 

Karen’s Answer: Girl, the struggle is REAL! Bottom line: you can only do so much.  There is always going to be a tug and pull on you when you work out of the house. I get it and feel it too. 

Once again, I think a schedule is a good way to keep you on track.  I will get up early start a load of laundry or two before I ever start work. I have to give myself deadlines like, I am not getting up from my computer until I finish answering all my emails, when I finish I will go into the laundry room and fold laundry.  I also will start a crock pot dinner during lunch just to be efficient with time. 

Try to realize that you can’t do two things really well, so you have to pick one to put your main energy into.  You can save the housework to the weekend if that will help keep you more focused. Just straighten up before work, so things don’t get too out of control .

Question 4: Where’s the balance between maintaining a tidy house when kids are in the mix (doing dishes, endless laundry and cleaning) and still having some time for myself? Standing at the sink to do dishes causes me physical pain but no one else in the house is gonna do ‘em. How do I ask for help from a husband who couldn’t care less about dishes and such, without sounding and feeling resentful? I don’t give out specific instructions, things aren’t getting done.

Karen’s Answer: Why don’t you get a “chore chart” for the children and separate all the work out.  I had the children rotate through helping out. For instance: 

- One child would clear the dishes while another child loaded the dishwasher

- One child would sweep the floor and another take out the trash

- Next day one child would unload the dishwasher 

- Then rotate through

You as the mom have to get organized, and assertive in letting your family know what you need. Everyone lives in the house so therefore, everyone needs to help out. Don’t apologize for giving specific instructions, you are the mom, you are the BOSS! 

As far as your husband goes, have a conversation and let him know your plan and ask him to support you with the children. You are the BOSS, so be one!

Question 5: I’m a blue/green and love to have things perfectly tidy. Our home has 3 bedrooms, but we have 4 kids. Our 14 y/o and 2y/o share a room, and our 13 y/o and 5 y/o share a room. 

I’m fighting the urge to constantly organize their rooms. I feel as if it is never ending. The 14 & 13-yr-olds are with us one week on, one week off, which is somewhat why they share rooms with the younger siblings. Honestly, the biggest reason is that our oldest girl wanted her own space, and our little boy doesn’t really play much in his room quite yet.

Any tips/tricks for this blue mama that wants everything to be perfectly neat and tidy??? All 3 of my girls are red, so they don’t like being told to do anything! But all I want to do is have a neat home. It’s very difficult for me to spend any kind of quality time with them in their rooms when they are disorganized.

Karen’s Answer: I get it! I would give them a general list of how to keep their space tidy: put away dirty clothes, put away clothes, etc. If they do that then I would let the rest go. just close their doors. Would the 13 & 14 year old do a better job if they lived together and the 2 & 5 year old? I sort of think the two older ones would have more in common and might keep a neater room . Just a thought. Chore list and doors closed when they are not in their room.

Question 6: No ACTUAL space for me! It seems like my stuff is a free-for-all (like: nice soap left in the shower? A kid will pour water on it. My books get moved and knocked over and damaged, my iPad becomes the communal school device and now the screen is cracked because it was left out and the baby got it, my treats get eaten...)

My husband is a SAH dad and he gets it and tries, but he's dealing with 3 kids 6 and under, so the second he turns his back they're into things, usually mine, sometimes also his. How do you get kids to respect your stuff, stay out of your bedroom (I've had to lock my bedside drawer, because some conversations don't need to be had at age 4) and leave things alone?!

Karen’s Answer: Boundaries! I would set all the children down and say, “This is my stuff and I don’t want you to bother it. If you do eat my stuff, use my stuff you will be buying me new stuff.”

Moms, I know this sounds harsh, but listen, it’s your stuff! Don’t apologize for that. You deserve to treat yourself to special soap, chocolate or whatever else is your favorite things. You are an adult, and you work hard and you need to your children need to learn to respect you and your things.

Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings

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