Whether it’s going to sleep, staying asleep, or dealing with fears at bedtime, nighttime can become a battleground when young kids are in the home. Today Karen offers tips and practical advice for taking back your evenings and helping your children get the rest their little growing bodies desperately need!

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Moms on Call sleep training experts

Question 1: I am a mom of three under three and my three year old takes FOREVER to fall asleep! He's an early riser and once he’s asleep he is a hard sleeper. It's just getting to sleep that’s the problem. Any time he’s needing to sleep it takes him over an hour to fall asleep. At nap time, by the time he falls asleep little sister is waking up from her nap, and at night he likes to sneak across the house to mom and dad’s room multiple times. 

I feel like I have tried almost everything. Some days it’s not a battle worth fighting, so he stays in his room for quiet time and plays or reads books. I don’t think he’s ready to stop napping, but it's so hard to discipline him when he's acting out of tiredness and delusion. I have several people who have mentioned just getting him melatonin gummies to help him fall asleep quickly. I have not tried that yet because I feel like using anything medicinal to help him sleep is extreme for a three year old. Any thoughts, Ideas or advice would be welcomed! Thank you for all you do for us moms!

Karen’s Answer:Rebecca, Thank you for writing in your question. That is so tough when your child is on the verge of giving up that afternoon nap, but not quite there. Okay, here are my two cents worth. I would for sure cut out sugar, caffeine, screen time right before his nap. It is really hard during these transitional stages. On the days he does not nap, I would for sure have an earlier bedtime, and just try to get through the late afternoon hours. As far as the melatonin, I would ask your pediatrician and see what they say.

Question 2:  First off, I love your show and thank you for all the advice given so far. My 4 year old RED son battles us every night at bedtime. He will go in his bed ok, but about 5 minutes after we leave he comes out of his room and either yells at us or runs away when we tell him he needs to go back. We’ve tried reward systems, taking toys and privileges away but he just doesn’t care. Any advice for this mama who is at her wits end? Thanks in advance!

Karen’s Answer: Bedtime is a deal breaker for me.  Kelsey has been visiting with us this summer, and her children go to bed like champs! Sorry, I’m bragging on her, but it’s true.  My new daughter in law, Sarah, said, “that is such a blessing!”  I said, “No, it’s not a blessing, it was trained in them.”  But, if you put the work in you will reap the benefits and it is worth all the hard work.  For your little 4 year old Red, I would sit him down before bedtime and tell him the new rules of the house. He’s a Red and he can take it, so I would tell him, you are not playing around, if he gets out of bed, he’s going to be punished. Mom, you are going to have to pick your poison here. If he were mine, I would get the wooden spoon, and every time he got out of bed, I’d be waiting with the spoon in my hand.  I would give him three swats on his upper thigh and then give him a big hug telling him you love him, but he needs his rest for tomorrow. Then if he gets out of bed again, I would do the same thing. 

Be ready! I would go through your bedtime routine, give kisses and hugs, and shut the door, then I would sit in the hallway until he got up. Just go ahead and know the first week will be tough. But, he will learn. I would have the spoon ready and would not talk about it, just do it. Bedtime is hard because you can’t put them in timeout, take away toys for the next day, because it doesn’t work. That’s why I liked the spoon, it’s quick results, and it works.

Question 3:  How did you handle your kids’ fears at bedtime? I have an almost 7 year old son who has been afraid at night the past few years. We've tried night lights, praying over him before bed, having him sleep in our room, laying with him in his bed until he falls asleep, the list goes on and on. I've read countless books and articles on the topic, we've prayed about it consistently, but nothing is seeming to help. He has a predictable, solid bedtime routine each night, but when I start to walk away he calls out and yells for "1 more minute!" If we don’t give it to him, he wails and screams and says he’s afraid.

His continual stalling makes bedtime long and arduous. I've asked him what he’s afraid of and tried to validate his feelings and dispel his fears, but it doesn’t seem to do any good. My heart hurts for him. If he was our only kid, maybe I could focus the entire evening on his bedtime, but I can't. Any words of wisdom?

Karen’s Answer: Thank you for writing in your question.  I get it, bedtimes are hard.  It sounds like you are doing all the “right” things.  My advice is to keep doing them.  I’m sure he is scared and afraid, but if he is like my children, it was part fear and part manipulation. :) It’s hard to tell the difference and honestly when you are tired and they are too, it doesn’t really matter.  When he says, “One more minute”, I would say, “Okay, but I’m setting a timer, I’ll be true to my word, but you need to be true to yours as well.” Then I would set a timer on your phone and when it goes off, let him know you love him, you are in the house and he is safe.  He is safe! Keep reminding yourself that. You have provided a safe environment for him and you and your husband would never let anyone or anything hurt him.  Also, when my son was so scared, I played worship instrumental music really low in his room and that helped.  I gave Taylor specific scripture that he could say to himself about how God protects him.  I also had to really monitor what Taylor was watching during the day.  My biggest advice is keep at it.  It might be a long process, but try not to give into him, it will only build his fear.  Hope that helps! Love, Karen

Question 4: Help! My 15 month old will NOT sleep. He’s only slept through the night a few times, still wakes up multiple times a night and doesn’t take great naps. But now it’s gotten worse. It takes me an hour or more to get him to sleep. As soon as I put him in his crib he freaks out. We have tried all the things, night light, no night light, music, sound machine, dad trying to put him down, cry it out ( which I hate) and I’m sure more. I can’t take much more of this, I’m so tired I need him to sleep. I have 4 other children and I feel like my exhaustion is starting to affect them.

Karen’s Answer: Bless your sweet heart. If you were here with Sunny and I we would give you a big hug!!! Good gracious!  He’s still young, so you can still sleep train him.  It’s gonna be hard, and there will be tears, but you just need to do it. The best practice I can tell you is Moms on Call.  I would look them up and their sleep training methods and stick to the plan. 

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