WT 286: How Do I Lead My Kids Well When I'm Overwhelmed?
From chaos in your newsfeed to chaos in your living room...there's plenty to be overwhelmed by in a mom's world. Today we're talking about how to have hope in the midst of a depressing season, how to stay sane despite bickering kids, how to manage the overwhelm of 3 kids under 3, and how to keep your home from falling apart on top of it all.
Loads of grace and encouragement in this conversation, moms! It's a good one to share with a friend who may be feeling overwhelmed right now.
Don't forget to grab a copy of Karen's Prayer Journal while they're in stock!
Question 1: With all that is going on in our world and our country I honestly do not know how to pray and I am overwhelmed by it all. I know all the church answers: God has plan; God is still in control, this world is not our home, etc. I believe those things to be true, but sometimes if I am honest it doesn’t always bring me comfort the way it seems to bring others comfort. It feels like wishful thinking to hope that things can change. I just feel stuck!
Also a lot of things just feel pointless too. For example, it is silly, but I always look forward to decorating for fall, but this year I could care less. It just seems frivolous in the midst of all the sadness and chaos. Even setting goals or having dreams at this point seem almost worthless. I don’t mean to sound like I have given up completely or that I am depressed because that is not it. I just feel stuck and overwhelmed. I have been limiting my time on social media and I never watch the news because I know we were not made to know this much information at once. Do you know what I mean? Any advice?
Karen’s Answer: I know exactly what you mean and I agree with you, BUT like the first part of your question, I have to remind myself daily that this world is not my forever home. Since the beginning of time, our world has been on a self -destructive path. What is going on in the world is not new. People have struggled over the centuries with the exact same situations. I think what our generation is having a hard time with is the fact that we have had it pretty easy for a while. No one was ready for a Pandemic and with that everything seemed to unravel. So, I’m with you.
My advice is to find scripture that encourages you and write it on your bathroom mirror or window over your sink while you do dishes. I would force yourself to decorate, I would lean into the things that you know bring you joy. Even if you aren’t “feeling” right now, do it anyway. Get outside, take long walks with your children, and during those walks talk about all the things you are grateful for and why. Each morning before your feet hit the floor thank God for another day. You may not be depressed, but there is a thing that is situational depression, and that of course could be getting you down. It is a battle.
I love to read about the WW2 era. That generation of people were incredible to me how they fought so hard to stay alive, fought for freedom and what was right. If you read about the Jews of that time, and the people who fought Hitler, they did not give up. They fought til the bitter end. We need to find that gumption in us and fight to be a light unto this world.
Question 2: Help a tired, overwhelmed, completely over it mom. BESIDES my children’s behaviors at an all time crazy, my daughters (10 and 7) will not get along. Like EVER. And I’m so sick of listening to it! Lately I find myself being a very grumpy distance mom because I’m just at my wits end! I swear I spend all day telling them to stop fighting along with the normal stress of the daily grind and managing three kids. My 10 year old is a solid and my 7 year old is a spirited overwhelming . It breaks my heart to see them so distasteful towards one another. For example: we literally just did our devotions outside together and while we were praying, my 7 year old was purposely running into her sister while pretending she was just walk-praying. We are literally talking about this stuff in our devotions! That seems like a dumb example but it’s like this EVERYTHING we do! “Stop looking at me like that!” “Don’t touch me!” “Stop it!” Ugh. I am just whipped y’all.
Karen’s Answer: Bless! I hear you and I get it. Okay, I think I would sit your little angels down and educate them on the colors. Give your Green and Yellow/Red a few boundaries for each other, and say, let’s start working toward lifting the other person up, and possibly set up a reward system. Make up a slogan, “Caught in the act of being kind” and start noticing it , rewarding it, praising them for it. I know it takes a lot of time, but keep in mind this parenting thing is a marathon not a sprint. Right now you are in the middle of your race, and of course you are tired! It’s a LONG race. I am on the sidelines cheering you on, you CAN DO IT!!!! Keep going. Also, I am a BIG believer when children are at each other’s throats all the time, separate them and give them space.
Question 3: Looking for some encouragement!! I have 3 under 3...twin 2.5 year olds and a 2 month old. My husband has a particularly demanding job in the military (in addition to working on his degree) and is often gone on both long & short trips, having to work nights or just having very taxing days. I have been unable to find a little program for my boys since covid//waitlisting. Even though I use Karen’s “is it a sin?” question, I feel so guilty for the 2-3 hours of shows we watch sometimes while I nurse or do dishes/basic housework and the amount of discipline I have to do with my toddlers. It seems constant and sometimes I lose my cool. I love my boys so much and feel I am failing. I realize just because something is hard, doesn’t mean I’m failing...but I’m struggling to not snap at my boys. I feel like I should have things under control , but I’m overwhelmed. I did join a gym with childcare which is great (when we can get there with the babe’s eating) the baby is still not on a schedule. Anyway, prayers and encouragement are welcome. Thank you for giving me a safe space
Karen’s Answer: Okay sweet mom! This is a safe environment for you to vent and thank you for writing in your
question. Here are my thoughts:
- It is OKAY to let your children watch shows while you get to do a few chores around the house. You are in survival mode! Do what it takes to get through the day.
- Good for you for keep trying to find an outlet, way to not give up!!! Keep at it, with going to the gym. Plus you are killing two birds with one stone , outlet for you and your children, plus you are working out.
- With fall arriving, use this great weather to get outside to clear your mind and it helps the toddlers get out their energy.
- Once again, this race is not a sprint, but a marathon. Pace yourself. Remind yourself this is a season, and you WILL get through it!
Hang in there! You are doing a GREAT job!
Question 4: I look around and feel like I don't know where to start picking up the pieces of my hot mess house! One thing I’ve learned is to write things down. Write down: First, do this, then, do that. Definitely laundry tomorrow and clean up from weekend laziness. But one 4 year old is home and the other kiddo is at half day K. I don’t have all day to clean, organize, or even pretend to get it together! Looking for support and tips around how other moms do it?!
Karen’s Answer: Not sure how other moms do it, but I can tell you what I did:
- I worked on one room at a time. Even if I walked past a pile of toys in the den, I would ignore that and stay in the kitchen until it was fully clean. (dishes cleaned and put away, floors swept, countertops wiped down, etc.) IN the kitchen I also had a Tupperware cabinet that I would let my toddler play in while I was cleaning. I would give them a wooden spoon and tell them to make me some soup or something to eat, and that usually occupied them for a while. I would serve them a snack in the high chair while I finished up.
- I broke the house into sections, and cleaned/picked up different sections on different days.
- I had different days to do laundry and tried not to do it every day because I hated it so much
- I reminded myself daily that the house would never be “Done” or perfect so I took that pressure off of myself and did the best I could
Question 5: I need some suggestions on a Bible Study. I’ve recently moved 500+ miles away from family and support with 2 babies under 3. I stay home with the kids while my husband is a pastor. I am realizing just how much we depended on parents to help out with our kids. I am overwhelmed with them most days (not to mention trying to unpack a house and living life in a new place and a suddenly clingy 3 year old). Does anyone have a good Bible Study for an overwhelmed mom?
Karen’s Answer: I’d love it if you tried one of ours! We have several curriculums to choose from:
Mom Core is our top one- it focuses on the 6 essential topics for a mom: Purpose, Boundaries, Time Management, Being a Student of Your Child, Discipline and Contentment
Self Talk is a great curriculum that focuses on the lies we believe as moms and how to combat those lies.
Make it Count- You have 18 years of influence with your children and how do you make those years count
Six Truths – Six Truths of Motherhood tackles sensitive topics that are relevant to today’s culture. In a world that increases in speed by each year that passes, learn how to take back control of the pace of your family.
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