Parenting a teen in today’s world is not for the faint of heart! Join us today as we answer your questions about raising teenagers and dealing with tough topics like pornography, low self-esteem, smartphones, and social media. Moms of littles, please listen! Looking down the road a few years can help you make choices today that will make your tomorrow easier.

Carey Nieuwhof podcast episode on teen anxiety

Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Jr. (ages 3-9)

Good Pictures, Bad Pictures (age 7+)

Do You Think I’m Beautiful? by Angela Thomas

Redeeming Love book and movie

Join our private FB group to ask your tough questions in a godly and encouraging environment!

Question 1: Pornography. It’s everywhere and it’s so much different than the pornography that we grew up with (waaaaay more than just naked ladies!) How do I fight when the deck is stacked against me as a parent trying to protect my kid? 

Karen’s Answer: I think you have to dive into the dark world of porn and educate your sons and daughters.  You need explain to them what porn does, it steals the ability for a man to have an intimate relationship with a REAL woman. This might mean as a mom, you need to do a little research yourself, to truly understand it. I know it is awkward and difficult and if your teen is struggling the last thing you want to do is shame them, but they need to understand it is more than just looking at dirty pictures. It is harming them in the long term. Porn is created to be addictive, and since men are very visual, they are drawn to it.  The industry is seeking out the youth, for a reason.  We as moms need to fight back and not just accept it. Do your homework moms, speak in love and understanding not in judgment.

Question 2: When you read “bad” texts from your kids’ friends and can tell that teen is unmonitored, do you: 

1. Intervene, talk to the parent

2. Prevent child from friendship

3. Focus on your own child and hope they make good choices 

Thanks!

Karen’s Answer: I would choose option C.  Honestly, a parent may or may not listen to you, and that could mess up your child’s life if you say something. It is hard to prevent your child from a friendship.  You can do this subtly but I wouldn’t forbid it.  I would focus on my own child and guide them toward good choices.  We used the verse Proverbs 13:20, he who walks with the wise grows wise, a companion of fools suffers harm.  Stressing that your friends really do make a difference.  Focus on your own child, that will keep you busy enough.

Question 3: Could you speak a bit about the tightrope of balancing technology/gaming/phone usage with 13-18 year olds? 

Karen’s Answer:  I think like anything else in a teen’s world, there should be balance, especially with devices.  Look at the device that it is a privilege and not just something that is used all the time.  I would set limits on devices, when they get home from school there is a certain amount of time they can be “on” the device, but when that is up, put it away.  Phones should not stay in a child’s room at night, but charge in parent’s bedroom.  Set a limit to where they have to be off their phone by a certain time, best if it’s an hour before bedtime.  This amount of time gives their brain some down time to rest. At the dinner table, phones are put away. Basically create some boundaries around technology. Great podcast by Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast #435 with Jean Twenge on Rising Anxiety, Depression, Isolation and smartphones in GenZ. Be bold in helping your child create boundaries. They can’t do it themselves.

Question 4: How can I help my 14 yr old daughter see her self-worth when dealing with comparison? I think social media has a lot to do with it… her perspective of the world is so skewed! 

Karen’s Answer: You are 100% correct of the influence of social media.  Who can look at all the picture perfect people and not walk away feeling defeated.  You can try doing a social media fast for a month and see if you see a difference in her. It is not just your daughter, it’s with all teen girls who are on social media. You can find verses to help your daughter see what God thinks about her, and tell her that she is beautiful just the way she is.  Honestly, you might even think about see about her meeting with a counselor, she would be more likely to listen to someone other than you.  Teens think of course my mom thinks I’m wonderful, but what does she know?  It is a confidence issue, and social media unfortunately doesn’t help anyone in this arena.  Do you Think I’m Beautiful? by Angela Thomas and Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers are great books on our value and worth.

If you have a question about motherhood we want to hear it, so make sure you visit birdsonawiremoms.com/askkaren and tune in each week to see if we cover your question. You can also find on us on Instagram and Facebook, so follow us over there and send questions our way on social media as well.

Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank you for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. You can receive encouragement each week by tuning in to Wire Talk; so subscribe today and be sure you never miss an episode.