WT 299: Getting Your Priorities Straight: Friendship
All month long we are talking about getting our priorities straight. Many of us try to do this going into a new year but come February, we’ve already given up on many of the changes we said we wanted to make in our world, so think of this whole month like a priorities pep talk!
We’re going to cover marriage, self-care, and even hormonal health with a guest later this month, but today we are kicking things off talking about friendship.
Question 1: Do you ever feel loneliness as a mother? I have a very small circle of mom friends, and even fewer friends who do not have kids. I work full time, and have a 2 year old. My husband is a full time student, and works on the weekends. I just feel very lonely, tired, and constantly stressed. My mom friends have older kids and are super busy, and my other friends do not really want to hang out with a toddler in tow. How do you go about making friends when you are not a part of a community (church, school, etc)? I guess a part of me really wants a strong foundation of friends, and the other part of me is feeling sorry for myself. Thank you for listening.
Karen’s Answer: Yes, I felt loneliness as a mom, throughout my journey too. When I would find myself in a lonely season, first thing I started to do is pray that God would send me a friend. Given your season of life, with a full time job, a 2 year old and a husband who is in school, your hands are very full. Since you are not connected with church or school, I think what I would do in this season is to reach out to your existing friends, even if they have older children, and just suggest a time where y’all could meet for dinner, just to catch up, and get a little socialization in. You may have to get a sitter, but if it will fill your lonely cup. For your friends that don’t have children, maybe meet them for lunch while you are working. A quick work lunch might just be the trick to keep those relationships fueled without children.
(give those friends time, eventually they will be in your same boat)
We all get lonely. I think we all fight against self pity too, it’s very normal. But, hang in there! Friendships are worth the fight I believe. We need our girl time! Keep in mind, when your child does get into pre-school, you will have lots of opportunities to meet other moms too, and they will be exactly where you are. Church was always a great place for me to find friends. Think about joining a BOAW group. You may have to push yourself a little bit, and stretch yourself. But, stretching is what makes us grow.
Question 2: I am a red/red (aka bright red!) mom and I have always struggled with making and keeping friends. Is this a red thing? Looking back I can see why it happened when I was younger. My weaknesses of being bossy and feeling like I was always right were very obvious. As I have gotten older I am more aware of those but I still really struggle with women friends.
Karen’s Answer: Hey there! It can be a Red thing, but as Reds mature, and learn about their strengths and weaknesses, I think friendships can come easier. I think the main thing to keep in mind, is that Reds are usually very confident people and that can be intimidating to other women. (they think you have it all together and they don’t feel they do) The more self -aware you are, you can help those around you NOT be intimated by you. When you are making friends, try to assess what color the ladies are and then start looking through them through the color lens. What does a Yellow need? Green? Blue?
You have to be true to who you are, but one of the best qualities of a Red is their loyalty. Anyone would be fortunate to have you as a friend. Most Reds don’t need a ton of friends, they are just looking for a few faithful friends. Learn more about yourself, and your strengths and weakness and then apply that to your friendships.
Question 3: What are some ways I can be a good friend in a season of life where I feel maxed out almost all the time? The idea of picking up the phone and making a phone call is dreadful to me, but I don’t have much freedom to meet up in person between my kids’ schedules and my work schedule either.
Karen’s Answer: You are in luck! Texting is a much easier way of connecting with people and isn’t such a drain on your time. A quick text letting someone know you are thinking of them, even though you are swamped, makes a big difference. Communicate to your friends, that you are in a hectic season of life, but ask them not to give up on you. Listen, my best friend and I are in a super busy season of life, both with our careers. We told each other a few years ago, we would give each other grace, and when we could get together we would. Communication is the key. Think of quicker ways to connect that fits into your lifestyle.
Question 4: Do you have any tips for making friends? I feel pathetic just typing that out!! I really crave strong female friendships like I used to have in college but I just don’t know how to go about putting myself out there.
Karen’s Answer: Oh, don’t feel pathetic. I think you should feel courageous to ask the question. One thing that makes a strong friendship is finding common ground and time. That is why your college friendships were so strong, you had common ground of being away from home, at school, interested in the same sorts of things, and all the time in the world. Now, as a mom, you don’t have much time at all. Honestly, one of the best ways to find good friends, is by starting a BOAW group. All the moms have the common ground of motherhood, then you carve out a certain amount of time for the group, and wa-la friendships are formed. I’ve known moms to post a flyer in their neighborhood, and 8 -10 moms have showed up and in a few months they were all friends. Try it, I know it would really be putting yourself out there, but it really does work, I promise! Start a BOAW group and begin with Mom Core!
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Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank you for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. You can receive encouragement each week by tuning in to Wire Talk; so subscribe today and be sure you never miss an episode.