Moms often feel like we work all day—either at an office or at home—and then we start a second shift in the evening: dinner, dishes, bath time, etc. Sometimes it can feel like we do it all alone! Today, we're answering questions about spouses who don't carry half the weight, kids who are perpetual mess-makers, and how to motivate your family to pitch in and help a mom out.

Mentioned on today’s episode:

Elizabeth Pehrson's ministry (mom of 8 who gives lots of chores!!): The Exchange

Moms on Call sleep training program

YouVersion plan: 10 Days to a Better Back to School

Snag Karen’s devotional and start the school year off right: Moments with God for Moms

Question 1:  What is reasonable to ask of my kids in terms of doing chores to help around the house? Do you have a list of chore ideas by age of kid? I don’t know if I’m expecting too much or way too little, and my kids assure me that NONE of their friends do ANY chores… ;)

Karen’s Answer: 

Ages 3-5: Pick up toys after playing. Put dirty clothes in laundry basket. Take plate to sink or dishwasher after eating. Throw their trash away. Put shoes away. Bonus: Windex lower windows, feed the dog/cat.

School Age: Make bed, hang up wet towels, empty the dishwasher, sweep, vacuum, feed animals, put away bike/yard toys after playing.

Teens: Teens can do anything, and they SHOULD be doing everything. Clean their room, do their laundry, help cook dinner at night, cut the grass, clean the bathrooms, clean up the kitchen after dinner. They need to learn how to help out and be a part of the house!

Don’t be afraid to put your child to work! It builds confidence and lets them know they are capable!

Question 2:  I have three children, just turned eight, four and a two year old. During the week I stay at home, but on the weekends I work a retail job to help make ends meet.

I feel like I’m in over my head all of a sudden and didn’t really see this coming. My week days are spent picking up non-stop messes in between trying to meet the needs of other people. I’ve noticed lately that I find myself avoiding them and desperate for alone quiet time, only then to feel kind of guilty about it.  I don’t want to resent my kids and their messes, but I do! 

I’ve always wanted to be a mom and I feel a lot of pressure to “enjoy it” while they are young, and already know I will miss these days…eventually. I guess my question is, is this what being a mom is all about? Do I need to suck it up and die to these feelings or am I doing something wrong?

Karen’s Answer: You are not doing anything wrong! But the truth of the matter is, you’re exhausted and you need to make time to take care of yourself. Stop this martyrdom! Sit the kids down and let them know things need to change around the home. Empower your kids to do for themselves some of the things you have been doing. They can clean up their own messes. Being a mom is not all about sacrificing until there’s nothing left of you.

Question 3:  I just appreciate all that you and your team do to let me know I am ok. I love the podcast as well as MomCore Online! I am a stay at home mom of four (ages 12,10, 7, and one year!)

I was trying to get on top of my health (my weight is 380, something I know needs attention) when we found out I was pregnant with #4. Since his birth, I just haven’t felt like I can get on top of life. I am struggling with sleep training him. 

All the others were in their own beds by 6 months, but because he'd share a room with our 7 yr old, he sleeps with me, still nurses and does all the things. Life has just been really hard the past two years (hello Covid…) and I have been really lazy with everything. I still do bible study, church, drive kids 35 mins to school, doc appts, etc,. But mentally I am DONE. How do I get my motivation back? 

To work on my health, but also to just have energy to tackle all of the things I need to do for my family?

Karen’s Answer: Thank you for writing in your question. You have been through A LOT! Okay, if you are not wearing shoes, stop reading this and go get on a pair of closed toe shoes because I am getting ready to step on your toes…. IN LOVE! :) I love you and I am on YOUR side! Alright, here are my suggestions: 

1. Get your adorable 1 year old OUT of your room. You may go through some sleepless nights, but in the long run it will be worth it.  While you are training him, you might want to let your 7 year old sleep in another room. Moms on Call has a great sleep training program. Look it up. 

2. If I were you I would also wean from nursing. You just need to get some time back for yourself. 

3. If the older children are not currently doing chores around the house - they should be! Set some boundaries with housework, what you will do and what you need help with, to give you some more time for yourself.

4. Think about taking some of your events during the week off your plate. This will open up time for you to have down time or focus on your health.

→Is Bible study really meaningful to you? If that group is life giving then keep at it.  

→Could you carpool driving to school? I did and it was a huge help! 

5. Final thing, start walking! Prioritize going on a 20 minute walk every day to just get out of the house and get moving. It will help you clear your mind, and be good exercise and it’s just good for you! 

Hang in there! You got this and you are doing a great job!

Question 4:  I am a mother of 8 children. We have 4 biological children (the youngest is almost 17) and last July we said yes to fostering a sibling group of 4. Twin 4 year olds, 3, and a 1 year old. I am in a Bible study at church and we are watching one of your video series. It is wonderful! Today we discussed discipline. We need help with creative discipline techniques for our foster kids. We are not allowed to use physical discipline (spanking), and their therapist does not recommend putting them in their room because isolation makes them feel unwanted all over again. They really are not attached to anything because they have only had each other! I thought about a ticket system to encourage honesty, no fighting, arguing or taking back etc… and if at the end of the day they have a ticket left… take them to the park. However, our wise and older kids question why we would reward behavior that is already expected. I’m just at a loss! Parenting kids who have experienced extreme trauma is overwhelming because I feel like our hands are tied. Any and all suggestions would be appreciated.

Karen’s Answer: My goodness your hands are full! Great question about discipline with foster children. They have already been through so much, but they still have to learn to obey and you need to be able to trust them. I love your ticket idea!  As far as your biological children, my answer would be, “These children have lived a very different life than you, and I am teaching them the basics. I appreciate your comments, but you need to leave the parenting to me.” Of course, give them a big hug after you say it. 

Have you tried giving extra chores out for offenses? In my mind, that’s solving two problems at once! With the chores, you could even have them stay close to you. I used to fill up a bucket of warm water and have my children clean the baseboards around the house. They would be close to me while they worked, so sometimes that can be a good thing.

Question 5: My kids will not clean up after themselves. They aren’t defiant to my face (usually) but I will tell them to clean up their room, or fold their laundry, and in 20 minutes when I come back…NOTHING is done. Please help!

Karen’s Answer: This is a give and take situation. If they don’t do what you have asked, they lose out on something they want to do. They aren’t doing it because they don’t believe there are consequences to their actions. Say what you mean and mean what you say, mom! You’ve got to follow through.

Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank you for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. You can receive encouragement each week by tuning in to Wire Talk; so subscribe today and be sure you never miss an episode.

If you have a question about motherhood we want to hear it, so make sure you visit birdsonawiremoms.com/askkaren and tune in each week to see if we cover your question. You can also find on us on Instagram and Facebook, so follow us over there and send questions our way on social media as well.