When you have elementary and middle school aged kids, the pressure and the busy schedule that come with pursuing athletics or the arts can really stress a mom out! Whether it’s pushback from your kids, or a strain on your schedule and your finances, today Karen gives advice on how to juggle it all and keep the most important things central in your world during this season of life.

Question 1: I have three kids 4.5, 6.5 and 8 years old. For the first time, all 3 are in an activity this season - soccer. I talked with my 8yr old this summer and he really wanted to play. Fast forward to 2 weeks in and he hates soccer and complains every practice and game. I feel like he is old enough and he was consulted on if he wanted to play and wanted to so I feel like he should finish it out. 

On the other hand, my 4.5 year old also hates soccer and won't get on the field. I have decided that I don't want to spend any more time trying to make her play soccer, she's young and this is her first sport ever. My 8-year-old red blue (with a very high sense of justice) thinks it’s unfair that I have let the four year old quit and not him. I see his point and I also don't. Honestly, he usually ends up hating whatever activity he is in - but I do want him to find his interests. I don't care if it's sports or music or cub scouts or whatever. Are some kids just not in any activities?

Karen’s Answer:  I always tried to make my kids finish what they started as well. I also see the “justice” side to your red.  You can tell him that he is right, it really isn’t fair, but it was a poor decision on your part of allowing your 4 year old to play soccer they just don’t have the mindset for a sport at 4. You have learned your lesson.  But, he is 8 and he knew exactly what he was signing up for and he is going to finish. When your 4 year old gets to be 8 you will make him finish as well. And yes, some children don’t like activities. Abby didn’t do anything until high school and then she played tennis. Emily hated everything she started until we found horses when she was in 3rd grade. 

Question 2: How do you decide which activities your kids can participate in and when it becomes too much? My kids are 5th grade, 3rd grade, and 1st grade. Last year our only extracurricular activity was piano lessons. Over the summer, my older boys played baseball, and we added horseback lessons. My daughter has now started ballet, which she has been dying to do for over a year. She and my middle son absolutely love horseback riding and want to continue lessons once school starts. My middle one wants to continue to play fall baseball, and we still need one night for piano.

I realize that we are entering the next phase of the kids' lives where they want to be involved in different things. How do we develop a balance between activities, doing well in school, and family time at home? 

Karen’s Answer: It’s a hard call for you as the mom to keep balance. Your children will always want to do it all. They live in a society that does do it all. I had to teach my children, you have to pick one activity. Because I had 4 children, and Greg traveled ½ the month, doing multiple activities was not an option. You can tell them, horseback riding can be a summer activity when we don’t have so much going on , or pick horses over ballet, but you have to pick. You as the mom create the balance. Not the children. 

Question 3: CLUB LEVEL TEAM SPORTS …tell me about this life. My eldest (4th grader) played rec soccer last spring and was bummed at the lack of competitiveness. He wanted to be on a team that took soccer more seriously in a sense. Hubby grew up as an athlete playing soccer his whole life. I never played any team sports, e.v.e.r! Our culture around this is pretty much opposite. I am a fan of kids getting physical activity (especially my eldest who has boundless energy ) but I am shocked at the soccer schedule Practice 3x a week for 1.5 hours and then games on Saturday and Sunday. This weekend there are two games each day, an hour away and about 5-6 hours apart! I’m stunned people aren’t appalled by this Just want to know how to navigate this new season…

Karen’s Answer: Girl! I get you 100%.  Club level sports are a lot. Some families do it and love it.  You have to decide what is best for you and your family.  We never did it, but we did other things like horse meets, golf tournaments, plays that had practice every night and multiple shows on the weekend. Pick your poison so to speak. Try to keep your own pace and not allow the pressure of just doing it to do it, but run your race. 

Question 4: I need PRACTICAL help! On Monday evenings this fall my family schedule is insane. We have four kids - my middle and high school age daughters have volleyball games and my elementary school boys have basketball practice. So already, my husband and I divide and conquer to take the kids to separate locations. The girls’ games are usually around 6 or 7pm and often an hour away from home, the boys are on different teams and they have basketball practice at 6pm and then 7pm. Everyone needs to eat something quick and portable around 5pm or we wouldn’t have dinner until 9pm and we are all coming back home later than I would love on a school night, totally tuckered out. I’m looking for all the tricks and tips! Easy meals, how to handle homework for my high schooler, ways for me and the hubs to connect on these days, how do I stay sane until the madness ends, ;) etc. 

Karen’s Answer: The season of life you are in is a fast paced one for sure. Quick meals: prep to go meals before the kids get home, like a sack lunch and have them ready when you get in the car.  You can always swing through a fast food place but that gets old and expensive. During the fall season, do family time in the car, and maybe sometimes you take the boys and let your husband take the girls just to get some time with all the kids. As far as you and your husband, during this season, Greg and I would do date days on Friday, grab Mexican food for lunch then see a matinee and be home by the time the kids got home from school and the crazy started. Bottom line, get creative. It is tough, but you can do it! 

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