There's a reason they're called the 'Terrible Twos' friends! Whether it's daycare drop-off, not wanting to share, or just not getting their way, it can take us by surprise when our little angels find their voice and use it in a big way. If there's a toddler in your home, today's questions will probably sound familiar, so listen for a pep talk from Karen to stay the course, not give in, and keep up the good work, mom!

Question 1: I am a “red” mom and I need help navigating a temper tantrum.  My daughter is 4 and a half years old and we discipline her very strictly. She is mostly red with a little bit of yellow. Now, most of the times after the disciplining comes this ridiculous temper tantrum where she confesses she is being rude and angry and she just cries and yells those things. She literally yells, “I am so angry right now. I am being so rude!” I need help here in how to deal with and discipline this behavior. We tell her to calm down and to listen and she won’t have these consequences but I need to know how to handle this. I need help here!

Karen’s Answer:  I would say, “You are angry, what are you going to do about your anger? Do you need to take a moment and go to your room to calm down, maybe get a hold of yourself?” If she says, no, then say, “I think you should go to your room until you can calm down.” I would also say, “You need to stop yelling at me and if you need a moment to collect yourself that is fine.” When  a child is so upset, you really can’t talk to them or discipline them. You need to teach/coach her how to calm herself down. I used to tell Taylor, scream into your pillow on your bed, hit your punching bag in your room, but don’t come out until you have control of your emotions. 

Question 2: My 3 yr old has recently started grabbing on to me to keep me from leaving her at daycare or home. The teacher at the daycare doesn't feel comfortable with "ripping" a child from her parent but I literally can't get her off of me to be able to just walk away during the tantrum like I would normally do. My husband will at least grab her when I need to leave home, but I'm at a loss if the teacher is unwilling to help at the daycare. Any tips?

Karen’s Answer: My goodness, that does put you in a difficult spot. Usually a child will stop crying once the mom is out of sight. I’m sure you have talked to the teacher. Would you be willing to go to the Director of the Preschool and explain your predicament and ask if she could assist you, just for a few weeks until your daughter gets the drill? My son did that and I know how hard it is on you as a mom.   

Question 3: Anything creative you girls do when your dramatic three year old little girls do the high pitch scream when they don’t get their way or their siblings are “bothering” them. I don’t ever give her what she wants when she behaves this way and I put her in timeout or spank her immediately. But it’s not working and my ear drums might just pop because of all the screaming (and I might be okay with that because then I won’t be able to hear her)

Karen’s Answer: My granddaughter used to do that.  It is hard to listen to for sure. Good for you for not giving into her demands. Actually just keep doing what you are doing, and try to ignore her and eventually she should stop.  It sounds like you are doing all the right things.  It’s just her way to get what she wants.  Good job for not giving in. Get some earplugs ☺ 

Question 4: I have three kids (8 year old blue girl, 7 year old yellow girl and a 3 year old boy whose color is yet to be determined, but likely red). My son throws a tantrum every time he has to "share" me with the girls. This morning I was sitting on the couch, and my yellow came to lay in my lap. My son saw this and immediately started trying to pull her off. I made room for him to lay on the other leg, but it wasn't good enough for him. He wanted me all to himself. I put him in his room for time out, and when he came out, we had all moved along to something else. This kid is wearing me out. I feel like he sucks all the energy out of me when I am with the three of them, and the girls are getting very little of my attention when he is around/awake. I do spend quiet times with them separately when he is at preschool or occupied with my husband, but how do I get some peace and harmony when it's just the four of us??

Karen’s Answer:  First off, I think you handled the situation PERFECTLY!!! Good job mom.  I’m sure he is wearing you out, but keep up the good work.  Parenting is not easy, especially when you have a child that wants “their” way.  Keep doing what you are doing.  I know it’s hard, but it’s good parenting. You tried to make room for him, he didn’t want it, so you separated him and went on about your business. You did not give in to his wants. So proud of you!

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