WT 378: Working Moms
Today we’re answering questions from the working moms in the BOAW Moms community. We’re going to address the transition from work to home, the ever-present mom guilt, negotiating to re-distribute responsibilities on the home front, and learning to say no. Working moms, we see you, and we hope this episode helps bring peace to your home this week.
Mentioned on this episode:
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Question 1: I just need prayers for when I am in the thick of it. For when I feel like it is all on me, for when I feel like, despite not taking any time for myself, I cannot manage. For days when I have no help at home and deliverables at work. I have two littles (5/9), a demanding job I love, and a husband that works a lot. I’m also yellow and have a hard time saying no to the fun stuff.
Karen’s Answer: Being in the thick of it, is no joke! Okay, let’s tackle this situation one at a time. Right out of the gate, good news, your two children aren’t toddlers!!! Being 5 and 9 they can and should be able to play by themselves, enough to knock out some work. Depending on what they like to play, they could get lost in “make believe” world for a few hours. I know my grand-daughters, 9 and 4.5 love to draw, create and do art projects for hours at my house. (same with playing house, barbies, baby dolls etc.) If you set up a play station near you, with all the supplies right there, and you are working close by, that would give you some time. Then of course you have “rest” time, to where they could watch a movie, and settle their minds even though they don’t nap, another two hours! I think you may just need to figure out new and creative ways to occupy them while you are working. Last resort- hire a sitter to come and play with them for 4-5 hours. I know you will be spending money but at least you can get your deliverables done.
I know being Yellow it’s hard to say no to the fun stuff, but ALL Yellows have to eventually learn to exercise self -discipline. ☺ Speaking from experience! Let the fun be your carrot that dangles in front of you to motivate you during the hard stuff.
It’s a busy season, so be creative in figuring out a new normal and work smarter not harder.
Question 2: What in the world do working moms do with their kids during the summer? Camps are crazy expensive, especially when you have multiples, and kids aren’t always able to go to the office with you.
Karen’s Answer: I love VBS, and it’s free. I know you can’t do it all summer, but 2-3 weeks spread throughout the summer is a good thing. ☺ Maybe pick one camp for the summer, now you are up to 4 weeks. Hire a baby sitter. I think as a working mom you either have to pay to entertain the kids or get creative. Not a great solution, but that is what I found.
Question 3: I’m mom to a 6 month old who is just now starting to go to daycare. We were blessed to have my mom watching her for the first few months after I went back to work. But after the first week of daycare drop-off, I’m a wreck. Mornings are so chaotic, trying to get myself and her ready for the day. My husband does what he can, but she prefers me and I need to nurse her anyway - it just seems like it falls more to me. I feel guilty when I walk away from her in the morning and guilty when I leave work to go pick her up. Is mom guilt an unavoidable part of working?
Karen’s Answer: Unfortunately, I think it is. I do think you will get into a routine and it will get better, but the guilt truly never goes away. ☹ Sorry! I will say when she hits 9 months to a year she will start to have separation issues, and will cry when you leave her. They all do it, so don’t think it’s because you are working. Do your best to get everything ready at night. The less you can take off your plate the better.
Question 4: After practicing my profession for 10 years, I got married and had 2 sons. After my 2nd was born, I put my career on halt and became a stay home mum. But when I look around me and I see every other mother swiftly progressing in their career while I am at home taking care of my 2 sons, my heart sinks and grieves a lost career and income. What financial benefits does God have for store for stay home mothers in parenting? I have found satisfaction in looking after my sons and this cannot be compared to the professional monetary pay in any way, but it doesn't erase the fact that I miss my career and I miss making my own money.
Karen’s Answer: I hear you. The money is always nice!!! I looked at those times like it was just a season. You will get back to a season where you can have a career and make money one day, but in the meantime keep doing what you are doing and enjoy this season with your sons. You will never get the time back when they are little. Enjoy it.
Question 5: I took several months off work and feel like I failed miserably at being a stay at home mom. They're alive (lol), but I just couldn't get myself in a good swing of things. Now I'm returning to the workforce (mainly for financial reasons), and I'm concerned about how to make a good transition. I expressed my desire for my husband to take on more responsibility (mainly for dinner), which he agreed to, but I just feel like I'm going to be absent again with my kids and not be able to gain good momentum. Just seeking some ideas to transition better I guess.
Karen’s Answer: Listen give yourself some grace. Being a stay at home is not easy, and I doubt you failed miserably, it does take a while to get into the swing of things. Truly. But, transitioning back into working I think there are some things you can do:
Get organized.
Cut out the all of the extra stuff until you find your rhythm and then only bring one thing back in until you have that new rhythm down.
Keep a simple schedule
Give yourself grace! Life is hard and messy, no one does it perfectly.
Question 6: How do we find time to invest in our marriages or ourselves even - like working out- when we’re in the thick of “Littles” (girls 8&4) and working outside the home in jobs we LOVE? Sometimes I just want time to myself, but as soon as work is done, my home and family need my attention. Sometimes I just want to not be “needed” by anyone! I’m a full-time sales professional and mama and wife. ALL. THE. THINGS!
Karen’s Answer: Whew! Okay you have a lot of high stress situations going on. Being a mom is full of needs, house- needs, sales profession- needy. I hate to say it but you are going to have to make some hard choices and something is going to have to give a little. You have to decide what you are going to “cheat” on. Will it be your workouts, marriage, children, clients, house? I can’t decide that for you. I don’t think you can do it all because there are just so many hours in a day, and just one of you. Here are a few tips:
After work, give yourself a little extra time before going home. Maybe take a quip walk/run. Go the long way home and just listen to some worship music, to unwind. But, take time to let yourself unwind from work before you walk through the day. I even like to roll my windows down, crank up the music and just breathe a minute.
Marriage- build in a few date nights, and a trip once or twice a year just the two of you.
House- that’s one of the first things I’d let slide ☺
It’s trial and error. Keep trying until you find what works for you!
Question 7: What to do when your high school daughter is giving you grief because you’re making her ride the bus after school because you can’t leave work early to get her every day by 3:00 . (I mean, I’m joking…but kind of serious too…)
Karen’s Answer: It’s life! Tell her you work to provide all the “things” she loves, life is full of gives and takes.
If you have a question about motherhood we want to hear it, so make sure you visit birdsonawiremoms.com/askkaren and tune in each week to see if we cover your question. You can also find on us on Instagram and Facebook, so follow us over there and send questions our way on social media as well.
Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank you for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. You can receive encouragement each week by tuning in to Wire Talk; so subscribe today and be sure you never miss an episode.