Today we are fielding questions from the moms of Tween Girls. This is a tricky stage for sure, but also a sweet one! In this episode we’re covering modesty, social media, mean girls, and more.

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Colossians 3:14-17

Arlene’s book Screen Kids

WT116: Technology and Your Kids

Stock up on Karen’s Lunchbox Notes for the school year! (Available in Kids, Teen Boy, and Teen Girl options)

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Question 1: How do we teach our daughters to be modest in a healthy, non-shameful way?

Karen’s Answer:  I think the thing with girls is we have to show them their worth. Not as the world sees them but as God sees them and as we see them.  I noticed when y’all got into middle school things started to change. You all started to doubt your beauty, your worth, your value.  So I started to find ways to help you in those areas.  Friends were starting to wear makeup, remember I would take you to the Clinique counter and get them to show you the right way to put on makeup and it was always very tasteful. The Clinique people would tell you that you were beautiful and I think that helped you feel good about yourself. 

We had lots of discussions about not showing all your stuff, but wear a modest bathing suit, leave something to the imagination. Stuff like that.  Realize that your tween daughter is trying to figure out who she is, help her find her true self and see her value. 

Question 2: I’m getting so worried about social media as my kids grow older and I have no idea how to navigate it. As a mom of three (ages 9, 12, and 14), I find myself at a loss when it comes to navigating this digital landscape. My oldest, who is about to graduate 8th grade, is starting to express a desire to get social media as she keeps talking about how all of her friends have it. I can’t help but worry about the unrealistic standards it sets and how that could affect her development and self-identity. Am I crazy for not wanting her to get Instagram and Tiktok? I want her to grow up like an average kid and not miss out on things her friends are doing- I just wish social media wasn’t so toxic, especially for girls.

Karen’s Answer: I think you are wise to put limitations on social media, especially for girls! The way it is designed it will pull your daughter in and even the most confident girls end up feeling insecure. I know you feel like you are in the minority, but I think you are being wise. Arlene Pelicane wrote a book, Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World that I think would be great for you to read. She is really wise in this field. Honestly I would put off social media as long as possible, it’s only going to mess with a young girl’s mind. You’ve got to look at it and see what it was designed to do, designed to make people want more. Not be satisfied.

Question 3: Mean girls and friendship problems are an issue for us at this age! How do I teach my daughter to stand up to a friend who isn’t acting right, who is gossiping and being a mean girl? and how do I keep my girls from becoming mean girls themselves? 

Karen’s Answer: Role playing is always a good way to teach them how to stand up for themselves, it is hard, even for the Reds. It is also hard for girls to feel left out.  Standing up for yourself is not what the other girls are doing and they will be left out.  How to keep your girls from being mean girls, help them remember what it feels like to be treated ugly. During these years you are your child’s coach. They need you, even if they don’t act like it.

Question 4: How can I motivate my yellow daughter to understand the importance of getting ready quickly, even if we’re not on a strict schedule? I homeschool so it’s not like she’s going to miss the bus, but I still want to start at a certain time!

Karen’s Answer: Try putting a consequence behind her not being on time. With a Yellow, that is about the only way you can get their attention. Figure out the best consequence for your Yellow daughter.

Question 5: How to navigate girls through puberty (emotions, self-esteem, friendship struggles) and how to support them/stay patient when there's so much attitude!

Karen’s Answer: Very carefully.  Just realize your sweet girls are trying to figure a lot out and it’s hard.  Especially in these days. Emotions are big and real, but let them know they don’t always represent truth, self- esteem is built one day at a time, and you will be trying to build her up, but keep in mind others will be trying to tear her down. Friends will come and go – hold out for the really good ones- to have a good friend you need to be a good friend. Up your prayer life mom! You are going to need it. These years were when I started getting up at 5:30 to have my quiet time not because I was spiritual just desperate.

If you have a question about motherhood we want to hear it, so make sure you visit birdsonawiremoms.com/askkaren and tune in each week to see if we cover your question. You can also find on us on Instagram and Facebook, so follow us over there and send questions our way on social media as well.

Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank you for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. You can receive encouragement each week by tuning in to Wire Talk; so subscribe today and be sure you never miss an episode.