Whether you have toddlers or teens in the house, disrespect can rear its ugly head at any stage of parenting. Today Karen helps us define disrespect, offers encouragement for the weary disciplinarian, and shares a script for dealing with sassy behavior. 

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Question 1: How to deal with disrespect from strong red tweens?

Karen’s Answer: A lot of the time Reds just want to be heard. When they feel like they are not being heard, that is when they lash out.  I would tell them, you are all about giving them the respect they deserve but it’s a two way street.  I would say, I’m happy to listen to you and hear your point of view, but when you cross over to disrespecting me, I’m not staying for that conversation.  In my opinion respect has to be earned and taught.  Teach your child what respect means to you, then make sure you hold them accountable.

Question 2: I’m having trouble with my almost 8 year old who constantly has a negative attitude and lots of back talk and arguing... tips for how to cope and parent him would be awesome!

Karen’s Answer: Negativity is a hard one, and something that I don’t tolerate too well, probably because I’m a Yellow/Red.  (both are positive in nature) When Taylor would get negative, I would always try to get him to see something positive about his situation. It was a lot of coaching over the years, and it wasn’t a one and done thing.  For the arguing and back talking like in the answer before, I didn’t stay engaged when they started arguing.  I would say, “I’m happy to continue this conversation when you can talk to me in a calm way.” When your child starts, I would say, “if you don’t change your attitude I’m not going to stay here and listen to you. I want to listen, but you need to talk to me and not AT me.

 Question 3: Hi there, I need some help with listening. My oldest son absolutely does not listen to us. You say, ‘don’t do it’ and he immediately does it. I need resources on how to correct the behavior. I’ve tried everything. We are at a loss. At this point it feels like complete disrespect and it’s making me very frustrated. He’s a good kid but sometimes it feels like he literally doesn’t have ears attached to his head

Karen’s Answer: I would give him a consequence EVERY time he doesn’t listen, and you might be doing that 50 times a day until he finally starts to listen.  You can’t change him, but if he is always having a consequence then he will get tired of that and change his ways.  Think about taking away some bigger things in his world, things that will get his attention. Get into the mindset of zero tolerance until you see a change.

Question 4: HELP! My 6 year old daughter has a teenager trapped in her body! She gives me so much sass, sighs, eye rolls, etc. Any input and advice on how to discipline this behavior is much appreciated. I feel like we’ve tried everything under the sun but it hasn’t seemed to help. I’m struggling to find an appropriate consequence for her attitude! We’ve tried to talk about the heart behind it and she shuts down that conversation really quickly and it doesn’t seem to go anywhere...I know this is fairly normal but I don’t want to set the stage for this being our new normal!

Karen’s Answer: When my kids acted that way, and they did, it was always a signal to me, that they were being spoiled, so I cut back on all the material things and privileges they had where it was just expected.  I would say, “when you can start acting a little more respectful we can talk about adding those things back into your life, but it will take some time.