WT 011: How Do I Raise My Daughter?
If you’ve listened to Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs before, you probably know that Karen and her husband, Greg, have raised three fantastic daughters. (Listen to Karen’s story here.) So it’s no surprise that she gets asked all the time: How Do I Raise My Daughter?
If you’re a mom of boys, don’t worry! Next week Karen will be discussing all the unique challenges and blessings of raising a son!
Question 1: “My daughter is in kindergarten and the girl drama has already begun! How do you teach kindness, yet teach her to stand up for herself? Also, I feel like she is sometimes attracted to the drama...how do you discourage that?”
Karen’s Answer: Girl drama is part of life and there is no escaping it. I found over the years, with three girls, that the best way to navigate it is to be honest, always teach your girls to treat others the way you want to be treated and to pray for your enemies.
Every daughter of mine experienced it in different ways and different times throughout their life. I think the key to always remember with girls as a whole, most girls are very insecure. Most girls are struggling to find who they are in life and always looking for validation. When girls see a confident girl in their class, it sparks instant jealousy. So, they try to take down the confident girl and crush her. I tried to teach my daughters to love at all times and to pray for these mean girls—because deep down they are hurting.
Question 2: “How do you specifically cultivate your relationship with your daughters during the stages of their life? I connect well with my toddler daughter, but am already fearful of the elementary, middle and high school years.”
Karen’s Answer: Stay in the present with your daughter and try to not worry about tomorrow. Train her up where she is and don’t assume that those future years will be difficult. God will give you what you need, when you need it.
I have found to try and find the “best” of each stage. Realize that you are in it for the long haul, you are teaching and growing your child into adulthood. There are some rocky roads in that journey for sure, but don’t be afraid of them. Think of it this way: What better person to walk the journey with their child than the mom? Who else will be patient with them, love them, guide them? Even in the hard days, you got this!
Our newest curriculum Make It Count is perfect for this part of motherhood. Make it Count is centered around the making the most of the precious 18 years that you have with your child, and how to leverage your influence with them for a positive impact.
Don’t be fearful of the future. I have navigated raising three daughters, and I have a great relationship with each one now. What a blessing to have a girl!
Question 3: “Karen, my question about my girl, actually revolves around boys! My daughter is almost in high school – what do I do when boys start to pursue her? And oppositely, how do I comfort her when she gets her heart broken or experiences rejection?”
Karen’s Answer: I love the fact that you are already thinking about how to walk with your daughter through the upcoming years. When a boy starts to pursue your daughter, teach her the right way she should be pursued. Teach her what boundaries she should set in motion and why they are important. Don’t just say “no.” Give her the reason behind the no.
I would tell my daughters that they were worth pursuing. Greg also showed them that every day. We had a high bar concerning our girls, but they are worth it. As far as the hurt that comes with the boys. The best thing to do is to be there for your daughter. Listen, love her and say, “I understand.” We can’t fix it. So, don’t try.
All girls are looking to be loved. Most of the time they are looking for a boy to bring them validation in life. That is normal, but we as moms need to teach our girls that only God can truly fill them.
Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. If you want to have weekly encouragement emailed to you, sign up for free weekly tips of motherhood here!