WT 205: The Bottom Line With Adult Children
Today's episode should give us all hope. Moms, this is what we are all aiming for - the stage when we finally get to be our child's friend! As your child begins to stand on their own two feet, help maintain a great relationship by tucking away the tips Karen shares during this rich discussion.
Links from today’s show:
Our private BOAW Moms Facebook group
Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend
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Question 1: What’s the Bottom Line for our adult children?
Karen’s Answer: Well, by the time your child gets to this age, they are no longer a child, they are an adult. Abby is the perfect age for this question. By this age, your child should be sending out their own resumes to companies and looking for employment. Once they find a job, start turning over financial responsibility of things like car insurance, car payments if there is one, cell phone, rent, etc. I don’t mind if my child moves back in with us while they get on their feet after college, but I think it’s a good idea to talk through the timeline on what their plan is.
Here is the deal, your child is grown now, you are now entering the friend zone. You will always be the mom, but now you just advise, when asked ☺ .
Question 2: What milestones are our kids hitting during this season?
Karen’s Answer: Independence, learning to live life on their own and figuring it all out. Become their friend.
Question 3: This season is a bit different for moms because, if we’ve done a good job leading up until now, our kids don’t need us as much, right?
Karen’s Answer: They don’t want us to keep parenting them and treating them like a child, but I think they still look for guidance, when they want it. Respect your child, and their adulthood. Remember you were once their age, and you probably didn’t want your parents micromanaging you. Listen, I know it’s hard, your young adult child will make mistakes, that’s okay, you did too, it’s part of life.
Question 4: What questions should we be asking our kids during this season?
Karen’s Answer: Ask them about their new job, friends, and life. Invite them over for dinner, they usually love a home cooked meal. Always keep an open door, open invitation. I try to let my children know they are always welcome, and I don’t try to make them feel guilty when they can’t come or need to leave. When Taylor comes home to visit, he is usually visiting his friends too. He comes and goes and that is okay, I just try to enjoy that he is home.
Question 5: There’s no easy way to answer this question I know, but how do we let go gracefully? How do moms step back so that their kids can live their own lives? We have answered so many questions from listeners who struggle with moms who don’t have healthy boundaries, how do we not become those moms?
Karen’s Answer: Realize that your job as a mom is not over, but it is different. Resist being possessive with them. Possessiveness will kill your relationship with them. Read the book boundaries again, but this time, try to think about ways you can give your adult child some healthy boundaries. Ask your child if you are smothering them, and listen to what they have to say. Keep in mind all children are different. Pray and ask God to give you wisdom on how to have a healthy relationship with your adult children and how you can not be possessive with them.
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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