WT 209: How Do I Battle Mom Exhaustion?
From getting up in the middle of the night with babies to staying up until the wee hours because your teen wants to talk late at night, this mom-gig is literally 24/7. On today’s episode we cover sleep regression, Saturday morning tussles over who has to get up with the kids, and dealing with parenting solo when your spouse travels. Sunny and Karen answer your questions and offer tips so you can be there for your kids, no matter what time of day it is. Don’t miss Karen sharing the prayer that was prayed over her many years ago that still brings her peace whenever Greg is away to this day.
Links from today’s show:
Need help getting that baby on track with their sleep? We highly recommend Moms on Call!
Memorize this verse! 2 Timothy 1:7
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Question 1: My husband likes to sleep in on Saturdays, which means I am up with our young kids every Saturday morning by myself. Sleeping in doesn’t matter as much to me, but I feel resentful that he just assumes that I will get up and supervise them so he can indulge this way! What do you suggest?
Karen’s Answer: Since you don’t mind getting up early, why don’t you make a trade with your husband? For instance, tell him, “I know you love sleeping in and I don’t care about that, BUT I would like some time to myself as well, so how about in the afternoon on Saturday or Sunday, you give me a few hours for myself. I can take a nap, go get my nails done, or just go on a nice walk at a nearby park for some peace and quiet.” I bet you will find that your husband is more than willing to do that for you, he just doesn’t think about it. J Try it and see what happens. Here is the thing, life and marriage is about give and take. Greg loves to sleep in, and I don’t like it, I just wake up! So, we figured out what are some things that I liked and then he would do those for me. One thing Greg would do, is on the weeks that he wasn’t traveling, he would get up with the children during the week and get them out the door for school. Talk about a trade off! Good gracious, I will get up every Saturday if I can get a break during the week with rushing out the door for school. Make it work for you ladies! Bottom line, talk to your husband! Tell him what you are thinking and figure out a solution, there is always one. Men are terrible mind readers! Life is not like the movies!
Question 2: At what age is it reasonable to expect a child to sleep through the night all night (most nights!) in her own room and bed? Assuming there are no ongoing health issues!
Karen’s Answer: By the time they are one. Like you said, with no health issues. Babies and children can get off track to be sure. For instance, Harper, Emily’s little girl, is 16 months and when she was 15 months Emily went on trip with Brian for a week. Both grandmothers watched Harper for the week they were gone, and every night Harper woke up and I told Emily when she got home it was going to take her a while to get Harper back on schedule. And it did. It took Emily about 3 weeks to break that habit of waking up in the middle of the night. It’s hard, but she did it. Moms on Call is an excellent resource for moms and getting their children on a great night time routine.
Question 3: How in the world did you stay up late enough to nab quality time with your teenagers? My kids are way more emotionally available at night, but I’m propping my eyelids up with toothpicks! Any thoughts?
Karen’s Answer: I get it. I am not a night owl either! But, do what you have to do, because if teenagers want to talk, you talk. If you can tell they want to talk, go grab a Coke or something with a little caffeine or chew a piece of gum, anything to stay awake. My children always wanted to open up and share their life with me at 10:45 pm. A lot of the time, I would listen, and then I would say, “Hey, I am loving this conversation, but it’s not 11:30, can we talk some more about this tomorrow? I would love to process everything you are telling me, and let’s circle back tomorrow.” Be available no matter the cost!
Question 4: My husband travels about once a month and is gone for almost a week. It doesn’t sound like a long time to be alone with the kids, but sure feels like it when it happens, and I need some tips on how to handle kids, work, home life and general loneliness and emergencies while he’s gone. My almost 5 and 3 year olds are always whinier when he’s gone and I can never sleep well because I’m kept up with anxiety about every little thing when he’s not there, plus the kids always wake up in the middle of the night or very early when he’s gone, so I am EXHAUSTED. We live about 2 hours from family so we depend on friends and neighbors for help, but it’s just not the same as having your spouse home. Thank you for all you do for us moms!
Karen’s Answer: I get it 100%! I NEVER sleep well the first week Greg is gone, and the second week I sleep great but it’s because I am so exhausted. Here are a few best practices I used: Years ago in my small group I was asking for prayer, over the very things you just listed, especially the noises in the middle of the night that were keeping me up at night. I had a sweet lady in our group that asked if she could pray for me. I said, “YES!” Her prayer reminded me that I could rest at night. She prayed that God’s angels would surround my house, and one sit on my roof watching His precious children all through the night. She prayed that God would give me a peace, not in my circumstances but in Him and His protection. That night I truly slept like a baby. And even to this day, when I think I hear something, I visualize a large, mighty angel sitting on my roof, glowing for all those to see in the spiritual realm, showing them this house belongs to the one and only Protector of this world.
I would look up verses in the Bible that show you how your God is faithful and he will protect you. Write those down, put them on your dresser, by your sink, anywhere around your house. I can give you some, but I think it’s good to look these things up. Go to the concordance of your Bible and look up Protection and Faithful and you will have PLENTY of verses to stand on. J Also, remember 2 Tim 1:7 For God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control.
Secondly, I get children are more whining when their dad is traveling. They miss him just like you J My answer to this dilema is try and save a few fun things to do while dad is gone. We would always order pizza hut pizza when Greg was traveling. I would have breakfast for dinner one night, to make it easy on me, and of course the mac n cheese and chicken nugget meal. I made dinners easy on myself during those hard weeks.
Managing work during travel weeks: Once again, keep it simple at home! As simple as possible.
Loneliness- over the past several years, I have picked a series on Netflix and I only watch those when Greg is gone. It also gives me something to look forward to when he’s gone. Now, Greg and I have shows we like, but I have special shows that I save for traveling weeks.
Emergencies: Keep your neighbors numbers close at hand! Both times Taylor had to be rushed to the ER for stitches Greg was out of town, and my neighbors were a huge help! Also, people from church are a great community. Honestly, it is good to have a broad net of community because you don’t want to burn people out in helping you.
Try to keep the same schedule around the house as much as possible so the travel weeks don’t feel so foreign to your children, but the same.
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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