WT 223: How To Talk To Your Child About Puberty
Preparing our kids for puberty and sex does not have to intimidate us, mommas! If the thought of having “the talk” gives you all kinds of anxiety, tune into today’s episode to hear some straight talk from Karen. In this episode we cover talking about sex, modesty, and the physical changes our kids will be going through. As usual, Karen reminds us moms that we may not be perfect, but we are the perfect parent for our child!
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
So You’re About to Be a Teenager by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhan
Question 1: I have a 9 year old who will be turning 10 this summer. When is a good time to have “the talk” with her? And what should I be discussing during that time? And should I tell my oldest child specifically not to tell her little sibling about our talks?
This is a great question and I’m sure one that many moms are thinking about. ☺ I think by 10 it is a good time to start the “sex” talk with your child. Please realize that it’s not just one talk. It is a continuous conversation from this age, all the way through high school. I would start off just giving a high level basic birds and bees conversation. I would also tell her that her body will start to change and start explaining those types of changes. I would keep it very high level, not getting into too many details, unless she asks you questions. The main thing to talk to her about is her body changing and that it is nothing to be afraid of, it’s just part of nature. The next thing to tell her is there is a reason for all the changes and that leads you into sex.
Karen’s Answer: I know the “talk” can be very daunting, but try to push past the nerves and realize, that you are helping your daughter understand what is going to happen to her body, and you are a safe person she can talk to about everything. You are just starting a conversation with her, and what better person for her to go to but you?
Question 2: Did you let your husband talk to Taylor about the changes of puberty and you stuck to having that conversation with your girls? Or did you talk to them together as a couple? Did you make it a special time or was it more casual?
Karen’s Answer: Greg did start the conversation with Taylor, but I did talk to Taylor as well. We did a more casual approach, and it was one continuous conversation, as the children grew and matured. I have known moms to take their daughters on an overnight time and make it very memorable which is nice, and the dad’s take the sons on a camping trip, but we were more casual. Whatever way you decide to talk to your child, just start! Keep it open and not negative.
Question 3: How do we teach about modesty as they grow and mature?
Karen’s Answer: When they are little it is easier because you are dressing them. As they get older and have a say in what they wear, I just always went shopping with them and we talked through different outfits with the girls and why one was good and one was not appropriate. As the girls go older we always would have them show Greg their bathing suits, Prom Dresses, shorts, etc. If I was ever on the fence of not knowing, Greg was the tie breaker. That alone helped the girls not want to push limits. There is a verse in Colossians, and I would talk about that a lot with the girls. I also would talk a lot about leaving something for the imagination, and that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, so you needed to treat it as such. Be bold. If you don’t have these conversations with your girls, no one else will. I looked at it like I was protecting them, just like when they were little.
Question 4: Do you explain about both genders at any point? Or would you only talk about their experience of puberty?
Karen’s Answer: I think it’s important to explain about both. I think it’s good that they realize the whole concept of what is going on. I tried to tell my children, it was all very natural and just the next step into growing up. It wasn’t anything to be afraid of or nervous about, it was just part of nature, like a flower blooming in the spring. I mean Taylor knew that girls had their time of the month, and the girls knew about the hormones of boys, so we talked about it all. Just talk. Plain and simple.
Question 5: Our oldest is thirteen and our youngest is four. I sometimes refer to our seasons of parenting to others as preschool and puberty. Some days it gets hairy figuring out what emotion(s) might be around the corner for our teenager and how to address them appropriately all while attempting to avoid our youngest potentially getting negatively influenced by all the changes. How can we possibly explain to the youngest if he has questions about why big brother is being disrespectful/disobedient, crying one minute and apologizing the next?
Karen’s Answer: I would do your best but realize even adults don’t understand the highs and lows of teenagers. Most of it will go over the 4 year old’s head, and I wouldn’t be too concerned about it. Try to address the teenager in private as much as possible, but I think that is a good policy to have regardless of the age. I think this is your reality, so make the most of it, everyone’s reality can be challenging in different ways. At least you don’t have two children going through it all at the same time. ☺ I would stay focused on the teenager because your time with them is coming to a close, and I would try not to get distracted by the toddler.
Question 6: Can you give us a Personality color “guide” for how to best broach these tough/awkward topics?
Karen’s Answer: I don’t think you can give a guide on this with the personalities, because everyone is so different. But, generally speaking this is what I think the different colors will do:
Reds are usually more curious and want the facts, all the facts and don’t want you to hold back.
Yellows might just listen and say, “okay”, because they don’t want to think about it too much.
Greens are usually not going to press or ask questions.
Blues are processors, so don’t be surprised if you give the talk, then they come back around with more questions. But, once again, it’s not just one conversation it is numerous talks.
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
HELP THE WIRE TALK PODCAST REACH MORE MOMS
Subscribe | To subscribe on iOS, go to our iTunes page and subscribe to Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs. If you're an Android user, we recommend using the Stitcher app which you can find in the Google Play store. Then, once you're in the app, search for "Wire Talk" Click the plus (+) sign to add our podcast to your Favorites list.
Leave a review | When you leave a five star iTunes review, it helps other mothers find us when they're seeking out podcasts on iTunes. Need directions? Head here.
Share with a friend | We want to encourage more moms with Wire Talk, and that’s where you come in! Share our episodes—via Facebook, email, Twitter or Instagram and help us reach more moms like you.