WT 026: How Do I Overcome Fear?
Fear is a topic that has been woven into almost every episode of Wire Talk up to this point, so we decided to dedicate an entire episode to it. Every mom experiences fear and worry for the safety and well being of their children. On today’s episode of Wire Talk, Karen and Sunny answer your questions on the common types of fears that moms have and what you can do to overcome it.
Question 1: I was always a laid back person until I became a mother. The fear and worry that enters my heart every day when my kids leave the house for school can sometimes take my breath away. What are some Scripture verses or mantras that have helped you with this?
Karen's Answer: 2 Tim 1:7 For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and [a]discipline.
I have to daily remind myself that God is sovereign and he loves my children more than I do. Listen, it doesn’t stop! Kelsey lived in Austin, TX for 8 months on her own when she was 19. Talk about praying protection over someone. Now she’s in CA. As moms, we can’t let our thoughts get away with us. I choose not to live a defeated life, but live a live full of hope and joy, because I serve one who is Lord over all. Sounds preachy I know, but that’s the way I look at it.
Get in the Bible. Go to your concordance and look up verses about fear, protection, sovereign God, powerful God. Go read Job 38-41 which talks about the sovereignty of God. Powerful stuff.
Question 2: My daughter has special needs and will need lifelong care. The number one thing I dwell on during the day is my fear for her. From small things like how will we handle the next meal, to big things like what would happen to her if I were to die tomorrow. I get so mad at myself because I know that I am missing out on the joy of just being in the moment with her, but I have not been able to control my thoughts on this for years.
Karen's Answer: Thank you for writing in and for being so transparent. You know, this is what I am loving about this podcast, we are finally getting real with each other. All I can say to you sweet, beautiful mom, is that your heavenly father hears you and knows your concerns. He will not leave your daughter to fend for herself. He will raise someone up, some angel that you may not have even met at this point of your life, because it’s not time for you to meet them. But, God will take care of your daughter. Trust Him.
I honestly take my hat off to these wonderful moms. I don’t think any of us can understand their world without walking a mile in their shoes. So, I’m not going to sit here and act like I comprehend what this mom goes through in one day.
Like above, I would read my Bible and bathe myself in God’s promises.
Question 3: How do I get over having fears of things that haven’t happened yet? My children are all under the age of 12 and yet I keep myself awake at night worrying about things way in the future. I know it’s ridiculous but I can’t stop.
Karen's Answer: Force yourself to stay in the moment with your children. Think about Matthew 6: 25-34 and focus on verse 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow , for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.
Listen even if you had a crystal ball and could see the future, what good would it do you? Make you worry! Enjoy your children at 12 years old, their sillyness, carefree spirit, lack of motivation and even their crazy hormones. It is a special time in their life. God will give you what you need when they are older. Rest. Turn your brain off.
When your mind start racing, replace those thoughts with scripture. You can’t think two thoughts at the same time.
At this year's Soar Conference, Soar 2016, I talk about the two Israelites that chose to trust in God and not give into fear. Because of their trust, God allowed Joshua and Caleb to enter the Promised Land. The rest of the Israelites, perished. God is trustworthy. We need to remember that always.
Question 4: When do you know when to start backing off of your kids and letting them handle things on their own? I am so fearful that some bad event or moment that - I could have stopped - will scar them for life, but I also don’t want to inhibit them from growing into adults who can face their own problems.
Karen's Answer: I think you start the backing off process as young as 3. At 3 start letting them dress themselves, help around the house.
At 5 let them pick out their backpack for school, walk into school by themselves, work out their troubles with their friends
At 8 let them do their own homework. Sink or swim it’s on them.
At 12 let them work out their social issues on their own. Guide them, but don’t interfere.
At 16, let them earn money to help pay for a car, let them own things of the car like filling it up with gas, oil changes, etc
At 18 let them apply to college on their own. Etc
Also, think about it this way, if God doesn’t stop moments like that why in the world do we think we should? Even if you were with your child 24/7 you cannot always protect them. God tells us that He will use ALL things to work together for good. We must trust Him.
The best thing us moms can do is to teach our children when bad things happen is how to work through it, learn from it, and teach them how to restart. Nothing is the end of the world! Nothing. I’ve seen parents walk through teenage pregnancy, suicide attempts, addictions, failing grades, and come out on the other side, better, stronger! Ladies, that is life. No one escapes hardships. But, we can for sure teach our children, life is not over, we can pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and hit the reset button.
Scripture References Mentioned:
2 Timothy 1:7
Job 38 - 41
Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God.
If you have a question about motherhood I want to hear it, so make sure you visit birdsonawiremoms.com/askkaren and tune in each week to see if we cover your question.
Thank you moms, have a great day!