Conflict is inevitable! As Sunny says, this is one of those episodes that applies in every family. Today, Karen tackles your questions about sibling conflict, a neighborhood cold war, toddlers who bite, and an only child who struggles to cope when she doesn't get her way.

Mentioned in this episode:

Mom Core Online - enroll now, class starts Sept. 1!

Wire Talk Episode 276: A Mother’s Guide to Raising Herself with Sarah Bragg

I Said This, You Heard That book by Kathleen Edelman

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Isaiah 40:11 - “…He gently leads those with young…”

Question 1: We have next door neighbors within a year’s age of each of my boys (who are 6 and 8). Our two younger boys got into a physical "fight" down the street while we were outside playing, and my child noticeably hurt the other kid. Their mom got mad at me about it and has ignored us since.The kids don't play together any more. We've been neighbors for 2.5 years. My boys apologized for their part in the incident by video that I sent to our neighbor.

The alienation on our street is obvious, we have always required our kids to accept responsibility and apologize, and the neighbors have seen me do this over the years. How would you respond to this?

Karen’s Answer:  If you apologized and the neighbor is still not talking to you, then I would let it go.  You can’t make anyone “listen” to you, or make them see your side of the story. As hard as it is, I would look at this situation as it might be the best for both families.  I wonder why you chose to video the apology and send it to them. That might have not set well with the mom.  My only suggestion would be to have your son apologize face to face, it just makes it more personable AND it is harder on your son, which will teach him the lesson in the long run.  Too much time might have already lapsed, but those are my thoughts. Search your heart and ask God if a face to face apology is needed since so much time has transpired.

Question 2: I have 3 kids, the oldest two are both boys in elementary school. The older one is bossy and the younger one tends to get very frustrated and physical when he is misunderstood. They will be playing great, and then all of a sudden start punching each other. Is this common among brothers at this age? I tell the older one to listen and the younger one to use his words all the time. I think it's maturity, but they're so physical!!

Karen’s Answer: Boys are very physical. It sounds like you are coaching them in the right way, teaching the older to listen, and the younger to speak up. A lot of times when a child is more passive, like your younger, they get bossed around one too many times and they explode. It sounds like that is what is happening. But you are handling it all the right way. You are right, maturity takes a while to kick in, but they are learning whether you see it or not. ☺ Hang in there!

Question 3: My 5 year old is an only child.  So, she's used to things basically being what she likes since there's no need to balance other preferences.  As a result, she is really quite sassy and disrespectful when things don't go her way and gets intensely frustrated when she doesn't win (we do not let her win). What on earth do you do with this? 

She used to be so kind and empathetic, but it seems like that has just disappeared.  I'm brokenhearted and at my wit's end with the behavior. I don't want her to behave just because she's afraid of consequences, but it seems like nothing else matters.

Karen’s Answer:  This scenario is bound to happen.  I think I would create a little friction in her life, to where things don’t always go the way she wants or plans. Teach her through those moments, “Hey, the way you are responding is not okay.  In life you don’t always get what you want.” Even though she is an only child, there are still three people living in her home, so create situations where you being the mom get what you want, Dad gets what he wants and your daughter gets what she wants.  Remind her, “Remember when we went and got ice cream the other night because you asked if we could? Tonight, Dad doesn’t want ice cream, he would like to stay home and bake cookies together, so we are going to do that because we all have to take turns, and it’s his turn.” 

Also, keep in mind she’s 5, even though you don’t let her get away with bad behavior, if the consequences keep her making the wise choices, then use that until she has time to mature up. Set up your household to where she feels the weight that she’s not the only one involved, but you are a team working together.

Question 4: I have been having problems with my 3 year old red son hitting and pushing down my 2 year old son. He will take toys away from his little brother when he turns his back to pick up another toy.  The 2 year old gets so mad that he bites the 3 year old! 

I’ve had countless conversations with him, many time-outs, and toys taken away. Stickers only go so far. I’m not sure how to calm my red toddler and still be effective. Help! 

Karen’s Answer:  I’m curious if you are talking about the 3 year old or the 2 year old?  Let’s address both: 

• Anytime the 3 year old hits/pushes your younger son, I would physically remove him from the play area and make him sit by himself until he is ready to engage back in play.  It may seem like you are playing musical chairs for a while, but stick with it. Your 3 year old has to learn that he can’t just bully others around, he has to learn to share. 

• Your 2 year old biting. When he bites the older brother, I would tell him, “No sir! We do not bite.” At that age, even popping his little hand is very effective.  If he keeps it up, tell him that biting hurts, and   to show him what it feels like bite him on his arm. (obviously don’t break the skin, but clamp down enough to where he can feel it)

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