WT 279: Teaching Your Child to Wait (Whether They Are Toddlers or Teens!)
Learn to wait patiently is a life skill we all need to work on, but man, is it hard to teach to our kids! Today Karen and Sunny offer tips for helping your toddler wait at the doctor's office and practice patience when you're having an adult conversation as well as tips for teaching your teen to wait for a phone, or to begin dating.
As Karen says, it's always going to be easier to give in, but consistency will pay off in the long run as you work diligently to teach these skills!
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Question 1: With 4 kids, my youngest (who is almost 3) goes to a lot of baseball games and waiting rooms with the older kids. She is constantly asking for my phone when she's bored. It is hard to say no when there are several other toddlers playing on their moms' phones. And if I do say no, she just whines and won't play eye spy or typical "waiting" games. Any tips? Do I just give in and give her the phone?
Karen’s Answer: Great question, I have a question for you, “Do you want to give in and give her your phone?” IF your answer is I don’t really care, then give it to her. If your answer is, “No I really don’t want to do that, then don’t. For the rest of this question, I’m going to assumer your answer is no, and here are my tips.
First off, tell her before you go into the Dr’s office, the phone is off limits. Set the scene before you go in, and let her know what to expect.
You could possibly leave your phone in the car, you don’t really have to have it with you. That would eliminate all of the drama.
Lastly, tell your daughter, that you want to read her a story, or play “I spy” because you did that with her older siblings and you wanted to do it with her because it’s special.
If your answer is no, be brave and stick to your guns!
Question 2: My 13 year-old daughter has been asking about dating since she was 10 years old. She has always been boy crazy and now her friends are starting to “go out” with boys at school. I know the pressure she puts on us to let her date is only going to increase. How do I hold the line? How do I know when a good age for dating is?
Karen’s Answer: The best age for dating? Well, for me, it was 16. As I look back I do not regret that decision at all. I think it takes time for your child to mature up, especially where boys/girls are AND it also gives them something to look forward to those last two years of high school.
How do you hold the line? First you need to decide why the dating age you picked is the best age, give it some real thought. For me, once I knew the reasons behind my decision, I could hold the line better. For me, it was easy to hold the line because I truly felt like it was the best decision for my child. Greg agreed with me, so we helped each other.
Keep in mind, once you let that horse out of the barn, you can never put them back in the stable. It just doesn’t work that way. You can hold the line easier when you believe your decision will protect your child in the long run. Therefore, decide what is the reason behind your decision?
Question 3: We have a yellow 3yr old boy who constantly interrupts us whenever we are trying to speak to each other, on the phone, or speak to anyone else for that matter. We own a business and he comes to work with us. It's unprofessional when we are trying to help a customer and he is saying mom mom mom mom mom or dad dad dad dad dad dad dad!!!! We try to divide and distract if he wants daddy's attention, I try to talk to him but even that frustrates him because I wasn't who he wanted. Any suggestions on how to teach him to wait his turn?
Karen’s Answer: My children used to do this. First, you need to tell him BEFORE you open for business what the new rule is. When he interrupts AND he will, then you address the issue, right then. I used to tell my children, “I am not giving you multiple chances on this one because it is rude, and you can learn to wait your turn.” At first it will be hard, but if you are consistent he will get the picture. I used to hold one finger up, like hold on, and that helped them know I meant business. Be consistent.
Question 4: I’ve listened to your podcasts about technology and kids, and we’ve decided to hold out as long as possible on giving our 12 year old son a phone. He is usually pretty okay with our decision and doesn’t bug us about it when it’s just our family. BUT - when he’s at church or hanging out with friends, it really does seem like the majority of other kids have phones. When there’s any sort of down time (car rides, before the service starts at church, etc) his friends are heads down, on their phones. He comes home feeling down and isolated after times like these. Any words of wisdom we can help encourage him with? I wish so badly all the parents around us would just not cave to the phone thing!!!!
Karen’s Answer: I agree with you 100%. But, unfortunately they will not. How do you encourage him? I would empathize with him and tell him you understand it is hard. I would tell him, that while his friends are heads down on their phones, just think of the whole world they are missing out on. Point out that since he is free from a device, he will be the one to be noticed first by a position of leadership, possibly a cute girl that is walking into the church for the first time, he will be the first one to advance in a job, because he will have trained himself to be patient and wait. Let him know that he will be working on his relational skills, communication skills, which will only help not hurt him when applying for a job, applying to colleges, etc. Tell him that him bottom line, HE is going to have a leg up on his peers. Which is 100% true! Paint a different picture for your son.
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