WT 290: How to Give Dating Advice Your Teens Will Actually Listen To
Helping our teens navigate the world of dating can be tricky. In this episode, Karen offers fantastic, practical advice for keeping the lines of communication open and speaking truth in love into your teen’s life.
Question 1: How would you react if your daughter’s (20 yr old) boyfriend (22) cheated on her? Of course I’m trying to be Christlike and I want her to make the decision, not me, to not go back to him.
Karen’s Answer: I would point out to her that if he cheats on her while they are dating it will for sure happen again, and she deserves better than that. She is a beautiful, loyal friend, and she deserves the same type of treatment. Christ would never want her to accept less than a faithful boyfriend/husband. I would say, “It’s your decision, but I am telling you after ____ years of marriage, this is what I have learned.”
Question 2: Growing up, I never talked to my parents about the guys I dated or liked, it’s not that it was taboo or anything, I just didn’t feel comfortable bringing it up. I would really like to change that in our family so there’s more openness. My oldest son is 15 and we’ve always said you can’t date ‘til you can drive, so it’s coming soon. Is there any way for me to help open the door of conversation on this topic besides saying, “you can always talk to me about this…”?
Karen’s Answer: I think you as the parent just have to always be looking for ways to connect. When he starts showing an interest in a girl, ask him what he likes about her. Try not to judge or have crazy facial expressions. When he comes in from a date, be up, ask him how it went. What did they do, did he have fun. Was she easy to talk to. Let him talk, and try not to be too pushy. I say “try” with teenagers, because I know it’s hard on us moms!!! Do the best you can. Try to keep small conversations going.
Question 3: My daughter is 19 sophomore in college... she just started dating this guy (22) that lives 2.5 hours away. She wants to go visit him and said she would stay in a guest room. Well I was not born yesterday and I know the temptation would be there. He’s a great guy but just trying to give her advice on dating and how she should make the right choices. I’m not happy about her staying at his house with other roommates. Suggestions please.
Karen’s Answer: Yeah, my girls would ask for those types of scenarios too, and I would tell them just what you said, “You weren’t born yesterday and you don’t think it’s wise to put yourself in those types of situations.” Tell her he is more than welcome to come visit at your house anytime. I didn’t allow my girls to do that, and yes they were not happy with me, but I just felt at 19, they were still under my roof. Hope that helps!
Question 4: My daughter is dating a guy that we all enjoy (she is 16, he is 17) but they spend SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER at our house. For instance, I love that she’ll invite him over for our Friday night Family movie night tradition, but I do miss having that time as just the 4 of us. I haven’t said anything to her yet, I don’t want to pick a shortsighted fight and have her decide they are going to spend all the time they spend together away from us, I’m just looking down the road a few years, thinking she’ll be gone soon and we won’t get this time back as just our family. Do I need to let this go? Do we come up with a compromise? I don’t want the boy to think we don’t like and enjoy him because we do! Just tell me if I need to die to this...but it is like having a guest in the house practically all the time...
Karen’s Answer: I think I would go the compromise route. I would just tell your daughter, we really think he is a great guy and we love that you want to be with us and him. Just be honest with her and tell her that you aren’t quite ready to “share” her all the time. I would suggest once a month that Friday night family movie night be just your family. Sixteen is a little young to have to share, believe me, it comes soon enough. I wouldn’t start inviting him to family vacations either. ☺ When Kelsey was dating Kevin in high school my son Taylor got a little possessive our family time. I told Taylor, with Kelsey dating Kevin, we want them to want to be around us, so you need to adjust your attitude and know this is our season of life. Taylor thought about it, and settled down. Kelsey was 17-18 when all this happened. A year or two makes a big difference. I’d go for a compromise.
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