WT 296: Disciplining Your Teenager
Consistency is Karen’s key word for discipline and on today’s episode we are talking about what that looks like in the life of a teenager. From how to pick your battles and knowing which topics aren’t worth the fight, today’s episode gives practical tips and encouragement to stay the course and be consistent during the teenage years.
Mentioned on today’s episode:
Question 1: At the Survive retreat, I heard you say that you only disciplined for a few things (like disrespect). How would you discipline a teenager for this kind of behavior when they crossed the line?
Karen’s Answer: Well, discipline can be as mild as, “Let’s try that again, why don’t you tell me what you want to tell me and lose the attitude.” OR “Why don’t you ask me what you want and not demand to me what you want.” If the disrespect kept continuing I would then take away a privilege until they shaped it up. My children for sure crossed the line, like any other teenager but it wasn’t a ton, because we had stressed respect their whole life, they were used to it. I found that if respected my teen then most of the time they would ollow suit, it works both ways.
Question 2: My son (and his friends) listen to rap music. The songs are littered with curse words and inappropriate content. He says he likes the music and doesn’t pay attention to the words, but I won’t let him get Spotify or download those types of songs, which leads to arguments. Is this a battle I should continue to fight?
Karen’s Answer: That is up to you, I fought the battle, and lost. When I realized I lost, I did sit down with them and said, “Well, if you are going to listen to it, let’s at least listen together and I’ll explain what they are talking about to you. The education didn’t change their listening habits, but they at least knew and were informed. I will say rap music was a fad with mine, it didn’t last that long. Long enough to get on my nerves, but on the whole scheme of things looking back, it wasn’t a battle worth fighting.
Question 3: My blue 17 yr old thinks he’s not treated fairly b/c his discipline seems worse than my green 14 year old or my yellow 10 year old. His motives and CONSTANT correcting of our parenting style are out of control. What to do?
Karen’s Answer: I would tell your 17 year old you are the mom, and you determine what is fair and not fair. When he gets to be a parent he will have that role, until then, you don’t need or want any of his help. If he continues, I would tell him to keep his thoughts to himself. It is almost bordering on disrespect if he keeps coming after you. I would also get your husband involved if you need to. I’d put your son in his place. He’s not the parent. Shut him down
Question 4: What do you do when your teens aren’t even trying in school? I have an 8th grader who is currently repeating 8th grade and is, again, failing a class. I know this child is capable of making As and Bs! My 10th grader, on the other hand, has a 3.0 but is completely capable of a 4.0.
Karen’s Answer: I had a friend and their son did the same thing. She made him go to summer school at a private school and made him pay for it. He did two rounds of summer school, and finally got it. Sometimes they have to learn the hard way. As far as your 10th grader, I would show him the colleges that his 3.0 will be able to get into. Tell him if he is okay with that, it’s his life. You just want him to have all the choices. With higher grades, you have a better selection. That is life. But ultimately it’s on him.
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