WT 316: Transitioning to an Empty Nest | Parenting Tips

We spend decades trying to figure out how to parent them well, and then all of a sudden, they are grown ups and we are staring at an empty nest. Today we're talking about how to handle the loneliness that sometimes accompanies a quiet house, how to prepare yourself for this stage of life, and how to move into your new role as mom to an adult child!

Question 1: What are healthy ways to process your loneliness, or the feeling like you don't have a purpose once the kids leave the house?

Karen’s Answer: Sometimes you need to go to a counselor, just to talk it through. I did. I think I went 2 times and it was the best 2 hours of my life, pointing me in a new direction. The counselor’s advice was, “where are your friends?” I had engrossed myself into my family and then BOAW that I didn’t make time for friends. When Abby left for college, that is when I noticed it. It was a simple answer but one I needed someone else to point out to me.

Next idea is you almost have to find yourself again. Take time to do that. You’ve spent so many years thinking of others, it is time to think about yourself, and don’t feel guilty.

You have a purpose. It is the same for all Christians, Glorify God in all that you do. That’s it. When you are having conversations, doing your work, meeting a friend for lunch, in your marriage, that is our purpose. IF you stay focused on that your time will be fully occupied. We look around and see successful people and think “their purpose is so grand, what am I doing?” but, your purpose is just as grand as theirs. Tell God, “Here is my life, do with it what you will, I want nothing more than to be your hands and feet today.” Get ready! God is a big God and you never know what blessing He will bring your way in serving him.

Question 2: We talk about launching our children well but are there some things I can do to launch myself well and prepare for this new phase of my life?

Karen’s Answer: Figure out what do you want in this next season of life? Everyone will answer differently, which is okay. Start working on you, helping yourself be the best version of you! Pray and ask God what he is dreaming and thinking for you in this next season. Will you work? Volunteer? Start a small group, pour into younger moms in your neighborhood or church? Travel? So much out there for you to explore and do.

Question 3: When your adult child calls in an emotional "crisis" how do you coach them on how to process through it and not carry it with you for the next few days? Our daughter would be fine but I would still have an emotional "hangover" after we talked.

Karen’s Answer: Realize you cannot solve her problems. You can listen, you can give advice, but it’s all on her to make her choices. You love your child like crazy and of course we all want to fix problems, but you can’t. She has to do that. She is not an extension of you, she is an individual person. Pray for her and yourself to be able to let it go.

Question 4: I have a high school senior and I'm thrilled to think about being an empty nester! Most of my friends are really sad about it. Is there something wrong with me? Am I missing something?

Karen’s Answer: There is nothing wrong with you, it’s good to be excited about this next season of life! We are all different, and handle situations differently. I have a friend and she feels down to her toes on situations, any change of season in her life, she gets sad about moving onto the next season. I’m not that way. I acknowledge it and then move on. Neither one of us are right or wrong. We are just different. I personally don’t think you are missing anything, you are just happy your senior will be going onto the next season of their life, and you with yours. Way to celebrate life!

If you have a question about motherhood we want to hear it, so make sure you visit birdsonawiremoms.com/askkaren and tune in each week to see if we cover your question. You can also find on us on Instagram and Facebook, so follow us over there and send questions our way on social media as well.

Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank you for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. You can receive encouragement each week by tuning in to Wire Talk; so subscribe today and be sure you never miss an episode.