WT 337: The Nap Time Struggle is Real
If you have toddlers in the house, you know nap time is a BIG deal! Today Karen is fielding questions from moms desperate for a little afternoon peace. Listen in for her tips about how to create a “quiet time” for your kiddo and how to navigate the tricky in-between season when they still need sleep, but just won’t surrender!
Question 1: My almost four year old daughter is red/yellow. Her grandparents take turns keeping her during the week while we work. She naps fine at our house and my in-laws. She may not always sleep, but she lays down quietly and will stay in bed and play until her clock turns green. At my parent’s house, she will not nap. She gets out of bed, cries, screams, demands they stay with her, and becomes hyperactive where she runs all over the room. I don’t know what to tell them.
When she doesn’t nap, she is an angry, overstimulated child who doesn’t follow instructions or make wise choices. She will get so upset that she is inconsolable and cannot accept or understand comfort or discipline. She has gymnastics on Wednesdays and when she doesn’t nap, she acts up in class, making it a waste of time and money.
What can I do to make her sleep there? I cannot figure out why she acts out there, but will lay down and sleep just fine in other places. Any suggestions?
Karen’s Answer: It sounds like the problem is with your parents. I would ask your mom, in a nice way, to go over the routine with you. Point out pointers to your mom that you and your mother in law do. I would also have a conversation with your daughter and tell her if she doesn’t take a nap there will be consequences, then follow through.
Question 2: I have two boys, the oldest is 3 ½ and my youngest will be 2 in October. I really think the 3½ year old still needs a nap, even if it’s just 30-45 min a day.
In the last week he only took a nap one day and this week has been absolutely hellish! Naps in general have been a struggle on and off for probably 3 months. I know he’s at the age where a lot of people will say to drop the nap, but he gets up between 6-7am every morning no matter what. From his behavior I know he’s not getting enough sleep.
I’ve tried laying down with him, putting him in my room for naps (so he doesn’t wake up his brother), giving him books to look at, and telling him to stay in his bed until I tell him to get up (that never works), letting him bring books to the living room where he and I just sit on the couch and “read” our own books (he seems to enjoy this but it’s not sleep and by 3-4pm he is just beyond tired and irrational), tried putting them down for naps at different times (he just ended up waking his brother), tried doing bedtime early and late...what are your suggestions?
Karen’s Answer: I like the idea of putting him in a different room than his brother so at least his brother can nap. At that age with mine, I would tell them they had to rest in their room for at least an hour. During that hour they could sleep, read books, play with a toy, but be quiet. I would set the timer for them. Maybe try to get him to take a nap twice a week. But, some kids at 3.5 are just over naps. If he is not going to take a nap I would for sure give him an earlier bedtime, to get his rest in. I know the kids are grouchy when they don’t get their nap. I remember that full well. Try going to the park and playing outside to wear him out a little more so he is tired by 1 or so.
Question 3: I need help mommas! I have a third baby girl on the way in November, so in the last month, we transitioned our other two girls (4.5 and 2) to room sharing. We have a 3 bedroom house and feel like the baby needs her own room.
We are struggling with getting the 2 year old to stay in her own bed at bed time. We initially ignored it and would move her to her own bed when she fell asleep in sister’s bed, but have decided that is not working (especially since the older one was getting her hair pulled and other injuries from the 2 year old sitting on her or playing on the bed).
We also try most nights to put her to bed first and wait for her to fall asleep, but sometimes she doesn’t and I don’t want to keep my 4.5 year old up too late. We have a video monitor so we can see her and have started just putting her back in bed every time she gets out.
For a while we would just tell her to get back in bed with the microphone on the video monitor and that worked for a time. Now she doesn’t care, so we warn her on the video monitor and have started giving her a swat when she gets out of bed (kinda like I’ve heard you suggest Karen) Any other advice?
Karen’s Answer: I think you are doing all the right things. My Emily was my one that would get out of bed. I would tell her that if she stayed in bed, we would do something special in the morning. (special, could be making pancakes, or talk a walk) but if she got out of bed she would lose her privilege. You can try that. You can also put the older one down in your room then move her after 2 year old falls asleep. The younger sister is probably so excited to have a room-mate she can’t control herself. She should outgrow that the older she gets. Stay consistent though and keep up the good work!
Question 4: If your 3.5 year old was consistently waking for the day at 5:30-6 am and no longer napping, what time would you put him to bed?
Karen’s Answer: I’d probably put them to bed by 7. You could do 6:30, but that is pretty early, but if they are exhausted, they may go to bed.
Question 5: You would think after three kids I could navigate this but my older two didn’t have this issue. I need some insight about my 2 year old son and nap/bedtimes. If he takes a nap, he goes to bed SO late. I’m talking like 11pm late! But if he doesn’t take a nap he’s awful most of the time. He gets up on average between 7:30-8:30. Then he seems “ready” for a nap like 2-3pm. But if he takes a nap that late, he will go to bed so late! But if he doesn’t take a nap, I can’t leave the house at all, because then he will fall asleep in the van!
I have tried to lay him down earlier for a nap (if it’s too early he won’t go down) and wake him up after like an hour/hour and a half. But if he gets woken up, he’s a NIGHTMARE. I’m not joking. Is he just transitioning from naps? Do I just need to bite the bullet? My older kiddos just stopped taking naps when they were ready and went to bed much earlier and were fine! He doesn’t seem to go to bed super early even without a nap. And we run him hard all day lol! We have a pretty strict bed routine in our house. Any thoughts?
Karen’s Answer: You said if you wake him up from a nap he is a nightmare, what if you woke him up by 7:30 everyday? IS he a nightmare in the morning? If he is okay in the morning, I’d try waking him up at 7:30 and then make him have quiet time from 1-2. I think if they take a nap starting at 2, then they will sleep too late and are not sleepy for bedtime. Bedtime was more important to me than naps. I loved naps of course, but lived for the bedtime! So I would skip naps to get him to bed earlier, if they quiet time doesn’t work.
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