Parenting Out of Anger
Okay, we all do it - we all lose our cool at times with our children. It’s not pretty and I’m not proud of the times I’ve been there. I’m just being straight with you! Here are three tips on how to keep your cool:
Don’t give your child so many chances.
Ask them to do whatever it is, and if they don’t, give them a consequence. For instance: let’s say your child is playing on the iPad and you say, “Come set the table, please.” And they don’t look up, don’t move, nothing. Here’s what I would do: without saying another word, walk over to your child, ask for the device, turn it off and say, “I asked you to set the table.” If they argue with you, say, “If you keep arguing you will lose your screen privileges for the rest of the day.” Then walk away.
This takes SO MUCH MORE WORK than repeating yourself! I get it, moms. This requires you to stop what you are doing and go have a confrontation that will probably be unpleasant if this isn’t how you normally operate. But the confrontation is coming anyway if you keep repeating yourself. Eventually you will raise your voice and finally, you’ll be yelling. You’ve been there before and it isn’t working, so try something different and see what happens.
Don’t rush in.
Count to 10. Turn your back and make that crazy face. Send them to the other room. Literally bite your tongue. Take a quick minute to re-gain your composure, then respond to your child. Sometimes you just need to take a breath to give yourself a pep talk. Then you can try again.
Stop taking it personally.
Disobedience, disrespect, defiance - their sinful behavior is not about you. Their rebellion is a heart problem coming out in your direction. Your child is a sinner, and they are trying to see what they can get away with, plain and simple. Your job as a parent is to show them the behavior boundary and point them toward Jesus, the only one who can change their heart. If you can remind yourself this when their behavior appalls you, it may help take the emotion out of it.