WT 194: How Do I Handle This Conflict With My Mother or Mother-In-Law?
Whether you wish you had a closer relationship with your in-laws, are dealing with a broken relationship with a parent, or your relationship is a little too close (and not in a good way) with the grandparents, we think you’ll relate to one of the questions Karen tackles on today’s show. Don’t miss Karen walking us through how we can forgive someone who does not deserve our forgiveness or her surprising (to Sunny) take on one momma’s situation. You’ll especially want to her perspective as a grandmother herself to the very last question!
Links from today’s show:
Parenting Together at WinShape Retreat
Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend
Boundaries session from the Mom Core curriculum
Question 1: I can’t thank you enough Karen for teaching on the colors of each child. Through your teaching I have come to understand both of my daughters more and able to fully rely on the Lord with them both. Here’s my question:
I struggle with my husband’s family. Primarily because we live so far away. I want to stay connected but it feels like they are much too busy. How can I make my mother-in-law feel genuinely loved? What does a mother-in-law need from her daughter in law?
Question 2: I’ve never written in to someone I’ve never met before but I find myself referencing your podcast on an almost daily basis and would love your input. My dad (who I was never very close with) was diagnosed with brain cancer in May and died this past October. He moved closer to us two years ago and I hoped it would make our relationship change but his wife made it nearly impossible for us to have any kind of relationship.
She has consistently done little things throughout my adult like that make it difficult to love her, and most recently she denied me regular access to my dying dad. When I was “allowed” to see him and tried to talk to him about his faith and heaven she came in and asked me to leave. I have such anger and hatred towards her for all of this, but God placed on my heart at church that I need to forgive her. Honestly, I don’t want to. But I know I need to be obedient for the sake of not carrying this with me. What advice do you have for forgiving the unforgivable?
Question 3: My children are 5, 3, and almost 2. I work 2 days a week and am home/homeschool the other days. I am so blessed that my mother-in-law is able to watch them the 2 days when I am at work but we have very different styles. I have noticed that it is creating more and more tension between my kids and myself on the days that I am home because they are allowed to get away with things with grandma that I do not allow. My oldest is HIGH red and runs the house on those days so when I am at home it is a power struggle with her. It almost feel like I have to re-train them when I am home. What would you do? My mother-in-law is amazing and very loving but I know allows my children to run her over when it comes to the routine and guidelines I have put in place for our home.
Question 4: First off, thank you for everything that you do. I can't tell you how many times I replay your episodes to feel encouraged when I feel defeated as a mom! I am glad I have a resource to go to.
I have two daughters, ages 7 and 5. Both have different biological fathers. There are a lot of issues because of this. My husband, (my younger daughter's biological father) is a father figure to both of my daughters, he loves the oldest just like she was his own, and my daughter views him as her "daddy". So my issue is not at home, the issue is with the grandmothers. They both favor different daughters.
My mother-in-law, loves and favors my younger daughter (her son’s child) and my mother favors my older daughter. Not only does this break my heart at every family event, but also creates tension at home. My husband and I have a stable marriage and a great relationship, but this is one area where I see us fighting a lot about. I know that we are both defending our mothers. My mom wants to buy gifts for my older daughter, and often forgets about my younger one, and my mother in law just pours out love to my youngest, and sometimes leaves out my older one. How do I navigate my feelings, and stand up for my daughters? I have to say no often to the grandmothers, if they want them over or if they give gifts, because I feel like they are not being treated equally. Can you please give me some advice?
Question 5: My husband and I have a 9 month son and live in a different state from both sets of grandparents. My difficulty is setting boundaries with my mother-in-law when she comes to visit. She is single (divorced from my husband's father) and all of her other grandchildren live in the same city as her. When she makes travel plans, she doesn't check with us first to ask if it's a good time to come visit. Her stays are typically longer than a week and when she is here she is constantly criticizing how I'm mothering (feeding the baby, what clothes I put on him, etc.).
I have tried asking her to check with us first before she makes travel plans, but she refuses to listen. She clearly is only interested in doing what she wants and not taking in our wishes as a family. Before my son was born, I told my mother and my mother-in-law that I'd like for them to wait a couple of days after the baby was born before coming to visit. My husband and I wanted a couple days for just the three of us. My mother was good with this, but my mother-in-law refused to accept it. She made her travel plans to be there when the baby was born and was insisting that she be at the hospital when our son arrived. She said it was her right at the grandma (she had been at the hospital for all of her other grandchildren... although the difference she failed to see was she wasn't staying in the house of those new parents). By the grace of God, my son was born healthy and a month early! Prayers answered. When my husband and I decide to have a second child, what should I do? Just accept the fact that she will be there no matter what? BTW, it doesn't matter if it is me or my husband trying to talk to her, she refuses to listen to either one of us.
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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