WT 229: Taking Care of Yourself During Crazy Seasons
2020 has been a crazy season in and of itself! How well are you taking care of yourself, momma? From big things like feeling lonely and isolated to little things like how to manage chaos in the car - today Karen answers questions from moms who need a little TLC. Listen and be encouraged!
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Question 1: My husband travels about once a month and is gone for almost a week. It doesn’t sound like a long time to be alone with the kids, but sure feels like it when it happens, and I need some tips on how to handle kids, work, home life and general loneliness and emergencies while he’s gone. My almost 5 and 3 year olds are always whinier when he’s gone and I can never sleep well because I’m kept up with anxiety about every little thing when he’s not there, plus the kids always wake up in the middle of the night or very early when he’s gone, so I am EXHAUSTED. We live about 2 hours from family so we depend on friends and neighbors for help, but it’s just not the same as having your spouse home. Thank you for all you do for us moms!.
Karen’s Answer: Listen, anytime your husband travels it’s hard! One week is a long time, especially when your children are 5 and 3. What I used to do when Greg was traveling for a week, that week I would give myself a little extra grace, and if I didn’t get everything done that week, it was okay. Stay positive, it’s easy to get down in the dumps, but that never did me any good. Staying positive helps and the time seems to go faster. Here are my tips:
Make cooking as easy as you can, ex: breakfast for dinner, order pizza, chicken nuggets, mac n cheese, etc. Easy quick food, and easy clean -up for food.
Set your bar lower those weeks. Realize you are only one person, and you can’t do the work of two, so don’t try. You may have to miss a few things, that is okay. You can’t be at two places at one time. Pick and chose what you want to do.
Plan some fun things when your husband travels. Like I said, we always ordered pizza while Greg was traveling, and we would look forward to that, Pizza Hut pizza. Maybe one night plan a movie night, pop popcorn and watch the movie in your pj’s with your children.
Keep in mind, I’m sure your husband would rather be home with you than traveling. It’s hard. But, I tried to make the best of it.
Question 2: I have a question about finding your “group” at church as a young mom with young children. I really enjoy my church, have attended this location for a few years now, and find it necessary for my sanity and wellbeing to attend worship every Sunday. I have plenty of acquaintances, but often after worship when I get in the car, I think, “Well, I guess that’s it”. I have met, spoken with, and socialized with a large handful of moms, and while I have had some good conversations, it can often feel like a popularity contest. I am trying to keep my sensitivity in check and be positive, but man, who knew that mean girls are at church too!? I enjoy every other aspect of my church, look forward to Sundays, and want to be a spiritual leader for my three very small children, but help! I’ve already been to middle school, and don’t feel like going again. Did you ever feel like you didn’t quite make the “popular” young mom group at church, or struggle with making real women friends? How did you navigate this while being a mother, and still holding your head high as an example for your children, (and pretending like everything is good?)
Karen’s Answer: Well, “mean girls” don’t always grow up that is for sure. I’m glad you love your church, but I hear what you are saying, and I have felt that way before too. I tried to ignore the mean girl type of mom, I would never try to be best friends with them, but I was always nice to them. Usually people are mean like that because deep down they are insecure about something. Keep looking for a good friend, I’m sure she’s out there. She might just be quiet and you are over looking her. Ask a mom friend to meet you at the park for a play date and sometimes that can break the ice. We are all a little insecure, so keep that in mind when you are trying to navigate friendships. As far as being a good example for your children, just keep doing the right thing and not play the silly games. What better role model could they ask for?
Question 3: I have a yellow 3 year old. I’m blue (or so the test says... ) How do you handle the repeated questions? Being asked the same question 786 times is driving me bananas!!! I’m starting to get easily frustrated and snappy. I don’t like that.
For example today since she woke up from nap she has asked to go outside about 497 times. I told her it was too hot right now. Then my hubs said he would take her outside in 1 hour. So we talked about being patient and when daddy comes back, it’ll be time to go play outside. She has asked incessantly. How do I handle this? Is it a phase!? Will it pass soon?!
Karen’s Answer: Is it a phase? Um, not necessarily. ☺ It may not be her color, it may just be she wants to get her way and being persistent is how she does it. When my child would keep asking the same question over and over, I would say, “What did I say the last time you asked me? “ Then they would repeat what I had said, and I was like yes, that’s right. Then when they would ask me again, I’d say, “You know the answer, I’m not going to answer you again.” As far as keep asking for something, that is pure manipulation to wear you down so you will do what they want. I used to tell my children, “If you ask me again, you will not get it.” Then you have to stick with what you said.
Question 4: I am a Mom of a 21 month old sweet yellow boy and I am 13 weeks pregnant. I worked full time before we had our son and dropped to PRN working less than 10 hrs a week. I haven’t worked during this pandemic, I’ve barely seen anyone because I’ve been nervous about exposing myself and family to COVID although we are starting to see some family now. My mother passed away a few years ago although we struggled in our relationship due to her alcoholism most of my life. My husband is amazing and supportive. We love our church but seem to be the ones who reach out to our age group without having much outreach to us. I’ve always been the cheerleader for others with a spark of life.
With all that said, I’ve never felt so lonely in my entire life! Mom groups I’ve looked up aren’t meeting right now. The friends I’ve reached out to are hit and miss due to understandable busy schedules. I’m just so lonely and I’ve never experienced this kind of aloneness.. Has anyone else been there? Any advice!
Karen’s Answer: I am hearing this so much right now. I get it! I get lonely too. What I have found is reaching out to a friend and just sitting in a driveway to talk, or staying 6 feet away but still having conversations. As far as your friends not reaching out to you, and you are always the one reaching out. I get it. I am usually the one that reaches out the most, but honestly I don’t care, because I want to see them. I realize that not everyone thinks about it. To be honest, not everyone is great at friendship, but that’s not gonna stop me so I just keep reaching out. What if you called a few friends to start a BOAW group, and just meet in your driveway. Maybe y’all could watch the videos before you meet and just go over the questions. I think just having some sort of community would make a big difference. You don’t need a big mom’s group, make your own small one.
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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