WT 230: Moms and Military Life

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Today Karen is answering questions from moms about military life. Whether it's a mom facing deployment, a child struggling with the frequent moves that are the norm in the military, or a mom fearful about her child's interest in joining the military, there's something you can relate to in this conversation. If you’re not a military family, listen and learn about the issues our military families face. And if you have mom friends in the military - share this episode with them so they can be encouraged!

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Question 1: I am in the military and just left my husband and 18 month old baby for an almost year long deployment. I wonder how I can be a good mom and wife if I’m not even home? I know this is just a season but not having any control when things (inevitably) go wrong increases my anxiety about leaving my boys behind. How can I support my husband as a father and contribute as a mama from so far away and for such a long time? Also, I recognize I am experiencing grief over leaving my baby and would love some practical advice on how to manage that. I have to be strong for them, but that’s the last thing I feel right now. Thank you.

Karen’s Answer:  Thank you for your service.  We really appreciate all the sacrifice you are making for your country.  I know first- hand how hard these deployments are on a family.  Thank you! As far as how to be a good wife/mom while being deployed.  I would Facetime as much as you can, write letters to your husband thanking him and appreciating him for all the work he is doing holding down the household while you are gone.  I would maybe keep a journal of what you are doing while on deployment and one day your child can read all you did while serving in the military. Military families are tough and you have to be to survive.  But, I think one of the best ways you can be a good wife/mom while gone, is to stick to your values and morals.  I know it can be hard and lonely, but stay true to your family, that will mean the most in the end. 

As far as your grief, I’d listen to the podcast we did with Judy Wolfe on grief. She was excellent and I think you will get a lot out of that.  I know when Greg was gone, I would make small goals for myself every month and that helped me stay focused and not just focus on missing him.  Maybe that would help you, while you are gone.  Of course make a list of all the things you want to do when you get home, that is always fun to do.  I know with all the deployments with Greg, my children were always so excited to see him walk through the door. ☺

Question 2: We just moved to Georgia after being stationed in California, Arizona, and overseas with the Air Force. I have a 10 year old son and 3 year old daughter. My son is in 5th grade and has really struggled with the transition, making friends and so on. I guess it’s a hard time of life in general to connect with my son, but how can I help him both process his emotions and teach him resilience? I know we are likely to have more moves in our future. 

Karen’s Answer: I think moving around for a child can be hard.  Unfortunately, it is part of a military life, and that can’t be helped.  I think he will be resilient because most children eventually adapt, but the emotions are a different story. I would keep an open dialogue going between the two of you.  He may not open up every day, but at least he knows you are a safe person he can talk to.  I would also empathize with him, tell him you know it is hard, you understand, and give him praise. You are having a good attitude in a hard situation, I am proud of the way you are handling the situation.  Maybe explain why you move so much in the military and then tell him how you cope with all the change. Sometimes it just helps to know you aren’t the only one feeling the way you feel. I’d pray and ask God to give you wisdom in talking to your son, and pray he will open up to you.

Question 3:   My husband returns home from deployment next month, any tips to help make the transition back to family life easier on us all?

Karen’s Answer: Well, I think the best advice is realize it will take some time to adjust for everyone.  You have been running your house for a while, and it will take you some time to turn the reins back over to your husband.  Your husband will take time to adjust being back in the home, around the children, all the noise, and everything else.  My best advice is to give a lot of grace, to your spouse and to yourself.  Try to believe the best in him, and give him the benefit of the doubt.  Our adjustment was always the small stuff, the stuff I never thought about I just did, and then Greg would question me why I was doing it a certain way and that would make me mad.  Looking back, I should have just realized, he was just asking because he’s been away and maybe he is just curious.  It’s not because he doesn’t like what I’m doing.  Give yourself a little time, and give an extra dose of love. 

Question 4:   My daughter is 18 and has been talking about joining the Marines for a few months now. I am not from a military family and the idea of her enlisting worries me sick. Also, she’s so young and I’m not sure how thoroughly she has thought through what it really would be like to be deployed, etc. How can I coach her to make a wise decision without letting my fear lead the conversation?

Karen’s Answer: I’d ask her what are her reasons for wanting to join the military.  I’d listen. I would try and find someone you know that either is in the military, and has been in the military and I’d ask them to talk to her to let her know what it is like.  The military can be very good for a young person, especially if they don’t know what direction to go in life.  There is a lot of tradition in the military and a lot of structure which can be good.  You can also go to college, and get the military to pay for it, which is a win/win.  As the parent, try and keep an open mind throughout the entire process. Keep an open mind and try to see the positives to whatever she decides, because then your relationship will keep growing


Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings


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