WT 246: Building Character in our Daughters
From absorbing bad behavior from TV and social media to making good friends - on today’s episode Karen is answering your questions about dealing with character issues in your daughters and showing us simple ways to point our girls to Christ in every season.
Mentioned on today’s show:
Karen’s 365 day devotional - Moments with God for Moms
Question 1: My daughter is 6, and she has gone from being helpful, kind, and generally happy to being sulky, full of attitude, and squabbling with her brother, and I'm having a really hard time dealing with The Attitude.
This year she has been introduced to what other parents seem to think is appropriate for children, namely tiktok videos (why) and LOL dolls (WHY), and desperately wants one.
I'm trying to model being kind and calm, talk about how we work together as a family, working with everyone on setting boundaries with each other, and having discussions with her about how LOL dolls are expensive and show bodies in a way that we don't think is right or respectful, and we don't want them here (I have turned into my mother???)
Help. Is there anything else I should be doing?
Karen’s Answer: Okay, good news is your daughter is 6 ! There is hope. ☺ I would sit her down, when she’s not having an attitude and I would tell her what you are noticing within her and the “why” behind why you don’t like it. I would tell her that you understand a lot of her friends are acting that way and you know that she wants to fit in with her friends, but it’s actually not growing a kind heart. You can even ask her if you had that type of attitude with her and you argued with her daddy all the time, would she like it. (then pause and let her answer) You need to try and get her to understand how she is coming across and how she wouldn’t like it if people treated her that way. I would tell her that she is a sweet girl, kind, helpful, happy. Just say, what type of person do you want to be? You need to make that choice and start choosing to be the sweet kind girl you know she is. I would then explain that you don’t want her watching tiktok videos because they are not good for her, not at her age. Six year olds should be playing with their friends, being outside, being creative, playing with dolls, etc. not looking at a screen all day.
You probably are becoming your mom, and now you have a lot more respect for your mom, huh? ☺
Question 2: I have a 12 year old daughter whose core need is to BELONG. She is a HIGHLY sensitive child for whom everything is about FEELINGS. She is my middle child with 2 sisters. They attend a small Christian school and the only other girl in her class is not interested in being her friend. We live in a small town and the church has only one other girl her age, who again, is not interested in being her friend. She cries almost every morning about going to school. She loves learning and gets good grades. But she feels alone in a crowd. How do I help her? The emotional toll is HARD!
Karen’s Answer: Whew! That sounds hard. Plus 12 years is a tough age with all the feelings! Here is what I would do, I would tell your daughter that you understand that she is lonely, and she is wanting a friend, you get it. Maybe you and her start praying for her a friend, someone to move to the community with her family. I would also bring God into the equation, and show her verses where people in the Bible felt alone and how God provided for them, sometimes in very different ways. This could be a great teaching moment for you as a mom. I think about how the prophets in the OT were alone a lot of the time, but they looked to God to meet their needs. Read the story about Esther to her, she was alone, because no one knew she was a Jewish girl, I’m sure that felt very lonely.
Bottom line, I would try to encourage her, do extra things for her to where when she came home she didn’t feel alone at your house. I would tell her how proud you are of her, how she keeps going even though she is one of two girls in her class.
I will tell you that Abby was the same way in middle school. She really wanted friends, and no one was her friend. As hard as it was I can honestly say that she grew so much during those hard years. They helped make her into the woman she is today.
Question 3: What’s the best way to teach modesty to a 7 year old girl? My daughter has been spending some time with one of the girls in our neighborhood who is 13. She’s a great girl, but I am noticing that my daughter wants to dress just like her (shorter shorts/wanting to wear a top that shows her tummy). You’ve talked about explaining to your older girls what men think when they see girls dressed in revealing clothing but obviously that’s not where I need to go with my 7 year old. Any suggestions?
Karen’s Answer: Well, honestly I would not let my 7 year old hang out with a 13 year old. I’m sure the 13 year old is a sweet girl, but she’s just in a different stage of life. Just like a 21 year old is in a different stage of life than a 16 year old. Of course your 7 yr old wants to do everything the 13 year old does, that is normal. I would give that relationship some space. Be ready for push back from your daughter, but hold your ground.
Question 4: My girls are 10, 12, & 14... can you talk a little bit about teaching kids to truly say they are sorry? My girls can be cruel to each other and it’s like they don’t care if they are hurting the other. Their apologies are flippant and usually not genuine.
Karen’s Answer: I understand this one. What I did with mine is I tried to explain it to them by flipping the coin and ask them, “How would you like it if I said this to you or if I treated you that way?” If they say, “I wouldn’t care.” Then I would say, “Okay then, you can just hang out with me for the rest of the day. Since you don’t know what it means to be nice to your sisters then you can hang out with me and learn from me until you can start being kind. Also, you are not hanging out with your friends until you start treating your family kind and loving.
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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