WT 281: Addressing Situations at School
If you have a school-age child, odds are good you’ve come up against one or more of the situations we’re talking about today. Whether it’s homework, teachers, relationships with classmates, or the behavior of your own child, knowing how to handle issues at school can be tricky. Tune in today to hear Karen and Sunny’s advice for helping get school off to a great start this year!
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Question 1: I’m fearing my daughter is the ‘mean girl’ and would love advice as she starts pre-k at a new school in a week! (It’s pre-k through 12th grade so I’m concerned first impressions could last a while!) Two years ago she was awarded “most compassionate friend “ at preschool but over the past two years her teacher will occasionally say she and another girl either fought with each other or ganged up together against others each day. Around me and friends she knows well, she’s funny, kind and rarely gets in trouble. But when she’s around new kids, like at a park, I’ve noticed her being a very bossy, controlling, “that girl is being mean to me” kind of kid. She’s yellow/red, as are my hubby and I. Given her birthday, she’ll always be among the oldest in her class, which we hoped would be good so she’d be a leader instead of follower, but now I’m concerned she’ll be bossy, and I just want her to be just one of the other kiddos!
Karen’s Answer: I think that with this temperament, we as moms just always have to point out to have a sweet/kind/loving heart. I know with my little Reds, I usually pointed out to them when they were being bossy, because they don’t see it themselves. They only see that they are helping people out. Also, it’s good that you are aware of the situation, but she hasn’t turned into the mean girl yet, so don’t label her as such. Keep reminding her of her good attributes, “I love your generous heart, creative ideas, you are a good sweet friend.” Children need to hear what we “see” in them even when they don’t see it themselves.
Question 2: I’d really like some advice. My son has just started school (he’s 5) and he’s getting really tired by the end of the day (as expected). The problem is by bedtime he’s super hyper and too hyped up to go to sleep. Nothing we’ve tried seems to keep his focus to help wind him down. Any ideas?
Karen’s Answer: I can’t say that any of my children did that exact thing, but I think I would see if he would lay down and take a rest when he gets home from school, even if he doesn’t fall asleep, just lay on the sofa and rest. Then for dinner, watch his sugar intake, even juice boxes can be filled with sugar. For bedtime, just follow the routine. Sometimes when school starts back it takes children a few weeks before their body adjusts. Give it some time, he should settle into his new routine.
Question 3: My daughter’s 8th grade math homework from the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL had us both in tears. Granted, she has been out of school mode since May, but it took her 2.5 hours to complete, that’s with me helping! We were both so frustrated by the end of the evening. She was crying, I was crying. Not exactly the way I had pictured the first week going, let alone the first day. I have 3 other kids (all younger) and so there’s no way this can be a pattern we establish this year. Any advice for helping your kids with homework that is driving you both nuts?
Karen’s Answer: Bless! That is a terrible situation, and I remember those tears full well. Okay, what I suggest is to give her some time to get adjusted, and after a few weeks, if she is still struggling think about getting a tutor for her. That truly helped my children who struggled in certain subjects, and they usually go faster with someone that works with the subject on a regular basis. My children also would do what they could then would go into school early to get the teacher to help. I would also alert the teacher to what is going on so they know. The teacher can’t slow the pace if they don’t know the students are struggling. It’s a new school year, 8th grade is a hard year, so give your daughter a little time to get settled then reach out for help.
Question 4: Help! My 9 year old son is notorious for breaking, losing, and destroying things. Glass windows on our door, two pairs of glasses broken on purpose within a month of getting them, lost library books from school we have to pay to replace. Today he stepped on and accidentally broke his school laptop. Argh! Stuff like this I have no choice but to replace. He's worn scratched up glasses for the last two months because he twisted his flexible ones until they broke in two. He's a sensory kid, a red and full of energy, so some of his behavior may be sensory seeking... but my goodness I can't keep replacing everything. I’ve tried to get him to work paying for things but that turns ugly, and honestly, he can't possibly keep up. What on earth do we do?
Karen’s Answer: Wow! This is a tough situation, because on the one hand you have sympathy for him and the other it’s getting expensive. I think if he were mine, it’s just a continual education situation him. Ask him things like, “What were you thinking about when you were twisting the glasses back and forth?” Next time you find yourself doing that, what are some things you can do to help you stop? I would give him extra chores to do around the house as a consequence for his actions and assign value to them, ie: sweeping out the garage equals $5, unloading dishwasher = $3, etc. I would just tell him, that his actions have consequences. You understand he doesn’t like doing the extra chores, but you don’t enjoy paying for things either. Also, you could possibly not get him extra things and just tell him, “I can’t afford to get you that game, shoes, etc because I am still paying off your glasses or computer.” He needs to learn at 9, actions have consequences. I would sit him down and have a long talk with him, letting him know that you love him, you are for him, but he’s 9 years old, and it’s time he start taking some responsibility.
Question 5: Did any of your kids ever have a hard teacher? Not academically hard, like personality hard? My son’s 4th grade teacher is a departure from everyone we’ve had in the past at this school. From what he shares with me, she is pretty cold and exacting and my kiddo seems to be shrinking in response. He has always enjoyed school in the past, but this year school seems to be stealing his joy. How can I help him navigate this?
Karen’s Answer: Yes! Those years are tough! I’m not going to lie. I would tell my children that I understand teacher is not their favorite, and I understood, but we can always learn from people and in life we don’t always love our boss, or authority. I tried to encourage my children to see the positive in their teachers, even when they were not their favorite. I know it is hard, but it is a good year for growth. You can have a conference with the teacher and just let them know that you see your child shrinking. Tell the teacher you support them always, but you wanted to shed some light on the situation, in hopes that the teacher and student can meet halfway.
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