WT 363: What To Do When Your Mom Heart Aches For Them
Join Karen and Emily today as they tackle questions from moms who are hurting for their kids. From navigating the dating world to dealing with school pressures, we've got you covered with practical advice to help you parent with confidence. As always, you’ll come away with something tangible you can implement in your home this week.
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Read the blog post: 4 Ground Rules for Loving Your Blues
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Question 1: My 13 (almost 14 yr old) son has a girlfriend and it has all started way too early for me. They are wanting to hang out with each other all the time. My instincts are immediately NO, NO, NO. I don't like this girl for many various reasons (just being honest) and the stress is gonna do me in. My mom-heart control freak nature is NOT okay. I still have two more sons behind him. Seriously, I need some wisdom. I have just been in tears all night.
Karen’s Answer: Trust your instincts. You are the parent and you are wiser than a 13 year old. Keep reminding yourself of that.
Question 2: My 9 year old just transitioned from homeschool to a small private school this semester. I’ve definitely sheltered her a lot up until this point. She’s coming home from school saying things like “Everyone has a tick tok account” or “All the girls are dying their hair pink” (I think two girls did). Even things like, “the other girls in my class get to go to bed later than me.” How do I respond? I’m trying to be a little more flexible and allow freedoms where I’m comfortable, but there are some non-negotiables with a 9yr old, like dying hair and social media
Karen’s Answer: Peer pressure is no joke and it starts earlier and earlier. My suggestion is to pick your battles. I just saw on Instagram that Pink will not allow her daughter to have a smart phone or Tick Tock or social media accounts like that. Pink said if her daughter could prove to her from a reputable source that it was good for you, then she could have it. Of course she can’t. Her daughter is 11. Stick to your guns.
Bedtime maybe a topic that is open for discussion, pink hair? That’s up to you, and you could say, “we can keep that in mind for the future, but not right now.” I think it’s always a good idea to be firm, but give your child hope for the future of things. Most of the time they outgrow their desire, and by the time they get 10 or 12 they have moved onto to other things.
Listen, kids are growing up faster and faster, at some point, us parents have to say no, it’s time to slow down just a bit.
Question 3: Any suggestions on what we can do for a 16 yo blue boy who got his heart broken? He's been down for almost a week now. I don't know how long we're supposed to give him to get out of it...
Karen’s Answer: You need to give him as long as it takes. Relationships at that age are emotional and it takes time to process all the feelings and emotions. Give him some time to get through it. If he really cared for her, it will take more than a week. ☺
Question 4: My son is 10 and in 5th grade. He's struggling with friendships in his class. He has a good friend in our neighborhood he plays with and a friend or two from wrestling, but in his class he has no one. He says when they pair up in school, no one wants to be his partner. He said he picked someone to be his partner today and the boy was bummed because "he wanted to be partnered with someone else". It's absolutely breaking my heart. I'm worried sick about middle school. I never thought I'd have to worry about this in elementary school but he's already struggling. Did your kids ever go through this? How did it turn out? My heart is broken for him.
Karen’s Answer: Yes, my children went through this and I hate to say it didn’t stop in elementary school. It is heart breaking, and no mom enjoys it ,but it’s part of life. Part of life, that we can’t stop or protect them from. I used to encourage my children to continue to be kind to everyone, and try not to get too down and out about it. But, it’s not fun! I can remember being left out in school, and it’s hurtful, but they get through it and get over it. We all go through it.
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