WT 364: Marriage Maintenance
On today's episode of Wire Talk, we're diving into all things marriage. From learning to speak your spouse's love language to prioritizing time together, we're answering your most pressing questions. Listen in for practical encouragement to help strengthen your marriage this week.
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Question 1: I am struggling with feeling unloved and neglected by my husband because my love language is gift-giving, and I feel like he doesn’t put in enough effort in that area. Despite my efforts to communicate and find solutions, I’m met with sarcasm and excuses. This makes me feel resentful and I struggle to fulfill his love language, which is physical touch. How can I address this with him and improve our relationship?
Karen’s Answer: Whew, I get you! Greg was not great at gifts either for a very long time. Then I would feel guilty because I felt very shallow and materialistic. But, I would tell Greg, the gift doesn’t have to be expensive, it is the thought behind the gift. I used to tell Greg you could swing by CFA and get me a tea with lemon and that would mean the world to me, because it shows me you are thinking of me. My advice is to keep hanging in there. Love languages can be hard for some people to grasp. I will tell you, the more I spoke Greg’s love language, which was Acts of Service, the more it opened his eyes as to how it was needed. Many times I DID NOT want to do acts of service, because I didn’t feel loved like that. But, I would pray and ask God to give me the courage to do it, whether I was getting it or not, and it worked. I also think
using word pictures are a good idea with our husbands. Get into their world, and use an example from their world so they will better understand what you are talking about. That always helped Greg. I can say that Greg finally got it or I should say he got me, and he does a really good job now. But, it took years!
Question 2: Our kids are getting older (16, 14, 10, 8) how do we prioritize making time for each other when the kids are pulling us in 4 different directions?
Karen’s Answer: You have to put something on the calendar and make it happen. When you do carve out time, take out all obstacles and just do it. If you miss one ballgame, play, dance show, etc. it’s not the end of the world, your child will survive. It is so good that you are realizing you are being pulled in all different directions, you have to make time for your spouse or it will not happen.
Question 3: My name is Amy and I live in Massachusetts. I've been happily married for 22 years and we have a 19yr old daughter and 3 sons ages 17, 9 and 5. I absolutely love listening to your podcast and have relistened to many - especially the personality ones. How can my husband and I, both blue and green personalities, add more fun to our household and relationship? We want to be more well-rounded and create a loving environment for our family. Any advice on how to do this?
Karen’s Answer: Thank you for your question, and thank you for listening. My advice: who in your family is Yellow? Ask them to give you some great fun ideas. Also, have a family meeting and have everyone write down three fun things they would like to do within reason over the next year as a family. Then ask them to write down one pie in the sky thing they would love to do. Now you have a list of 18 ideas of “doable” things, and 6 pie in the sky things to do. Start working through the list. ☺
Question 4: How do we maintain that daily relational connection? We are good at planning “big” things - special vacations and things like that. But I want to want to do stuff like that with my husband because I feel connected to him. So how do I make time to be friends and be connected to him amidst the busyness of life?
Karen’s Answer: I think a daily catch up is the key. Ask questions like:
How was your day
What was the best part of your day and why
What are you dreaming about now?
How can I pray for you?
What’s something that’s burdening you right now?
Sometimes we just need to carve out time, even at the house. Greg and I used to go sit on the porch or back patio and just catch up. The kids would usually find us, but we would keep trying to connect even in small intervals.
Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank you for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. You can receive encouragement each week by tuning in to Wire Talk; so subscribe today and be sure you never miss an episode.
If you have a question about motherhood we want to hear it, so email us at info@birdsonawiremoms.com and tune in each week to see if we cover your question. You can also send questions our way via DM on Instagram and Facebook.