WT 365: How To Break the Habit of Yelling (and other tips on discipline)
Are you tired of feeling like a broken record when it comes to disciplining your kids? Do you find yourself yelling way more often than you care to admit? On today's episode of Wire Talk, we're sharing practical tips to help you stay consistent and break the cycle of yelling.
Mentioned on this episode:
Related blog post: The 4 A’s Yellow Kids Crave
Scripture: Hebrews 12:11
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Question 1: I'm at my wit's end with my son, who is almost 6 ½. Lately, he has been blatantly defiant. If I tell him to stop doing something, he pushes the envelope by doing it one more time. He has gotten a spanking every day this week, and because he is a yellow, I also send him to bed as soon as he is done with homework, dinner, and bath. But it's not getting any better. Do you have any other suggestions on consequences or maybe how to address it differently?
Karen’s Answer: Yellows thrive on Attention, Affection, Approval or Acceptance, keep that in mind. I would use statements like, “You are such a sweet boy. Why are you acting this way? I don’t want to get after you, but I can’t let this behavior continue. Do you want to try it again?” Sometimes when our Yellows aren’t getting the attention that they want they will act out in a bad way, just to get attention. Maybe create some space where you are giving him the attention he needs in a good way. For instance, you could say, “Let’s get your homework done so you and I can play legos together.” Or when you catch him doing good even if it’s super small, praise him and say, “I loved how you shared today.” Try to carve out some one on one time with him and see if that helps the situation.
Question 2: As I write this I am trying to catch a nap with my 2.5 month old while my 20 month toddler screams in his crib refusing a nap. My toddler and I are both sick and we’re in the middle of moving. My exhaustion is at a whole new level.
WHAT do I DO about my emotional toddler? He has moments of intense frustration and his solution is to SLAM his sweet head into the floor or wall or table...whatever is nearby. It is horrifying for me to watch. He’s been doing this off and on for the last six months and it’s just increasing. He was doing it today in his crib while refusing to nap. Big sigh. I just would love some tips on how to help my sweet boy cope with his frustration - in a less self inflicting harm kind of way. Thank you so much for your time!! Your podcast has been a lifesaver to me this last year. It’s like I have a wonderful group of friends to guide me every week!
Karen’s Answer: There is a lot going on in your house right now, with the move, and people being sick, which adds to a new level of stress. Your son is acting out what he is feeling. I got Taylor a punching bag to hit on when he got frustrated. Or I told him he could go outside and scream and yell. You can also teach them how to punch the pillows on your sofa or bed, anything to get out the aggression without hurting themselves. I would also ask your pediatrician for tips. One last thought is during the transitional time I would limit his sugar intake and keep an eye out on junky foods, they can make a child act out too.
Question 3: I have a 2.5 year old son and a baby girl. My son is at the stage where he is testing boundaries and not obeying right away. When this happens, I end up repeating myself over and over and when he still doesn’t obey, I end up yelling or raising my voice. As much as I hate to say it, when I yell, he then responds and realizes he needs to do what I am asking.
How do I prevent scenarios like this? I don't want to yell at my children. I want to be encouraging my children towards obedience the first time they are asked to do something.
Karen’s Answer: Listen, I get it! Children can drive us all crazy at times. The thing you have to do is try not to repeat yourself so many times. When you ask him to do something and he doesn’t respond, then either say, “Do you want to get in trouble?” when he says “NO”, then you reply, “Then you need to obey mommy because if I ask you again you are going to be punished.” Then you have to follow through. It takes time for them to learn it, but we all sabotage everything when we just keep “telling” them 100 times and then lose our cool. I did it too, but finally I learned that I have to stay on the ball with my children. Hope that helps.
Question 4: First of all, I want to thank you for all the encouragement and support you put into answering our questions. You are always so real and down to earth. It makes me feel as if I am not alone in this battlefield we call motherhood.
I need some help with ideas to help my 9 year old son, who struggles with making excuses and passing blame. He has been struggling with this issue for about a year now and recently it has gotten much worse. I am very tired of the words “I’m just…” and “But [so and so]…”. We have had many discussions about this and I feel like I’m just hitting a wall. I don’t know what to do to get through to him!
His teachers and bus driver are seeing this very same behavior and his sister is beginning to follow suit. What are some ways I can help him to change his behavior before it’s too late? Thank you again for taking the time to read and respond!
Karen’s Answer: Thank you for writing in your question, and you are not alone in your journey of motherhood! I would sit him down and say, “In regards to you learning how to “own” your own stuff, I want your response to first be, ‘I did do that, I am sorry for my behavior.’” Then tell him that after he takes ownership of his actions you are happy to listen to his justifications, but first ownership needs to happen. IF he cannot take ownership then I would give him extra chores around the house until he can accept responsibility. Taking ownership is a maturity issue for sure, but if he has to do physical work around the house it might help him see the light quicker.
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