WT 366: Homefront Heroes - Wisdom for Military Moms
In this episode of Wire Talk, we're addressing the unique challenges that military families face. Join us as we discuss the impact of deployments on children, how to maintain a strong relationship with your spouse despite long periods of separation, and practical tips for making the most of the time you have together. Plus, we've got tips for supporting military moms from a civilian perspective. Whether you're a military spouse or not, this episode has wisdom for you this week!
Mentioned on this episode:
Want Karen to come teach the moms in your community? It’s easier than you think! Fill out this form.
Love Wire Talk? Leave us a review on Apple podcasts. Not sure how? Head here and scroll to the bottom of the page for a quick how-to. And thanks!
Question 1: I am a military spouse to a Marine fighter pilot and mom of three young children ages 6, 4, and 18 months. I am so glad to have found your resource, especially given your background. My question has to do with burnout, family life and supporting each other's dreams as spouses. We have been an active duty family for almost 9 years now, with frequent transitions and lots of time with dad away, as you are familiar with. I am completely burned out by the emotional weight of carrying so much of family life on my own. My husband is as involved as he possibly can be, but I desire more consistency with him. We are nearing a decision to get out of the military or to continue on, and it has been an agonizing process for me. My husband genuinely senses that flying is a God-given gift of his and one that he has always dreamed of. I want nothing more than to be done with military life, but also desire to honor my husband and his dreams. Do you have any advice as to how to tackle this - both the burnout of motherhood and loneliness of doing so much time apart, and also how to support each other's desires when they feel so opposite?
Karen’s Answer: Sweet girl! As I read your question, I could relate SO much! Yes! I have been there, so many times with those same thoughts. Whew! This one is hard. We tackled that same decision with a lot of prayer and did decide to get out mainly for family reasons. But, when we got out, the airlines were not hiring so Greg got back in the reserves and served more time switching to the F-18’s and then got hired with FedEx and he worked two jobs! (He was averaging 4-5 days a month home) What did I learn in the process? I learned that even though it was easier with Greg being home, and helping, if I looked to God to meet my needs, He met them. I don’t say that in a spiritual way either, I truly poured out my heart daily and told God every little need I had. And He met them. It was a crazy season of trust for me. I quit looking to Greg to meet my needs, because he just wasn’t and it just made me very angry and bitter. Once I adjusted my lens, God healed my heart and my marriage. I will send you a talk I did with one of my curriculums and I think you will be able to relate 100%. The other thing I learned with Greg was he was addicted to the flying! It was such a rush for him. He was very good at his job, went to Top Gun, was an aggressor pilot and flew 2-3 times a day when he worked the reserves. I told Greg, “I can’t light myself on fire and go mock 3 around the house, this is a losing battle for me.” But, I prayed God would work on Greg’s heart and show him the light. It took WAY longer than I wanted or expected, but in hindsight it was perfect timing. I can’t solve this problem for you, but I truly understand.
Question 2: I have a dear friend whose husband is deploying next week for several months -she has two young boys, both pre-school age. I know you know this world - what are some ways I can love her tangibly while he is away?
Karen’s Answer: Whew! What a good friend you are! Okay, first thing, check on her- A LOT! Just a text, phone call a card in the mail, letting her know you are thinking of her and praying for her. Every now and then offer to watch her boys so she can go do something for herself. She will love you for that. Keep in mind, she is never getting a break, and there will be days where just getting out of the house away from all the responsibility is a welcomed relief. Thank you for loving on your friend!
Question 3: Hey! I'm a stay-at-home mom to four kids ages 7, 5, 3, and 1. I homeschool the two older kids and I work from home as an online 3rd-grade teacher. In addition, my husband is in the Navy and will be gone for several months in 2023. We have been truly blessed to meet so many wonderful people in sunny San Diego since we moved in 2020. However, I struggle day in and day out feeling lonely and overwhelmed with making all the daily decisions. My husband is my best friend and life is very difficult without him. We have very limited communication with each other when he's away. I take people's offers to watch the kids and try my best to ask for help. My wonderful mother-in-law and sister-in-law are in San Diego as well, but life is just not the same without my husband.
Do you have any tips for managing a household, enjoying life, and having a peaceful home while my husband is away for long periods of time? Thank you for your time!
Karen’s Answer: Thank you for writing in your question. I can 100% relate, because I was a Navy wife myself and I know those deployments are long and hard. My daughter Kelsey was also a Navy wife. My son is actually on deployment right now with the Nimitz. To answer your question, I guess we all have to figure out what “works” for us, but for me, I tried to do things that my husband didn’t love doing while he was gone. :) For instance, a small example, I love Pizza Hut Pizza and Greg doesn’t. So I ordered that while he was away. It was little things like that, that helped me overall find joy in the small things. I would get a sitter to give myself a break and enjoy my time away even if it was a few hours. I also think it’s a good idea to get involved in a Bible study, and really lean into the Lord to ease your burden. I truly believed that I learned to look to God to meet my needs instead of Greg during those Navy years. And that has stayed with me for the rest of my life. :) You are fortunate to have your mother and sister in law, so keep asking them for their help. Hope that helps, and thank you for your service!!!
Question 4: I really need some help with my 4 year old YELLOW/RED!
The first two years of his life it was primarily me doing all the work. Dad helped but not often, because he’s in the military and is gone a lot. Right after his 3rd birthday dad deployed! He was gone for 6 months and got home late last year before the holidays.
Ever since dad got home, he is the meanest little boy to his father and it is now also happening to me. He says things like “I hate you” “I don’t like you I only like mommy” “I want me and sissy and mommy to live together, and not you”...the list goes on.
My husband has been very active since getting home, and has been trying to create a relationship. But my son’s attitude is really crushing my husband's soul!
It’s to the point that he won’t allow my husband to do anything with him. He won’t let him bathe him, brush his teeth, get him food, put him to bed, snuggle with him, touch him, NOTHING!
I am at an absolute loss. PLEASE HELP ME!
Karen’s Answer: Sounds like to me your son is punishing your husband for being gone. I would pick a time where the three of you can talk by yourselves, and let him know that Dad’s job he is gone a lot, but now he is home. I would let him know that Dad loves him very much, and you understand that he maybe hurt by the Dad being gone, but these hateful words need to stop. I think you as the mom can support your husband by saying, “Listen, I don’t want to hear this type of talk anymore. I’m glad you love me, but Daddy is a big part of our home and I for one, don’t want him to leave. Dad is my #1.” Don’t apologize for your husband being home, but defend him. My kids used to complain about Greg being gone a lot and I would say, “He is working hard to provide for us and we need to be grateful he has a job.”
Question 5: I am a military spouse with a frequently deployed husband. I have a VERY yellow child and I am overwhelmed with the extravagance that is a yellow. He is wonderfully curious, chatty, friendly, and a delight. He is also “too much” a lot of the time. He aggravates others in search of attention. Constantly playfully hitting, slapping, goofing off while others his age (and siblings) just stand in bewilderment. How do I honor his personality while teaching him to read social cues? Even on days where I really dive into meeting his need for 1 on 1attention, it’s never enough.
Karen’s Answer:Thank you for writing in your question about your sweet FUN Yellow! :) Speaking as a yellow, I can tell you that you can never give them enough attention, but that is okay! You don’t have to. That is what Yellows have to learn about themselves is the world doesn’t revolve around them, and they have to make their own “Happy” without people. It’s a lifelong concept to learn, so give it time. You can teach it throughout his life. I would even build in “down time” for him to just be by himself. With every temperament they have things we must teach them. The Reds have to work on not being so bossy, the Blues we have to work on their negative attitude and the Greens we have to work on how to motivate them to engage in life and not just sit by and watch. The book A Grown Up’s Guide to Kid’s Wiring by Kathleen Edelman would be a great book for you to read to educate you more about your Yellow. Hope that helps!
Moms, we know your time is precious. Thank you for spending it with us. We hope you feel encouraged, equipped and most importantly—the peace of God. You can receive encouragement each week by tuning in to Wire Talk; so subscribe today and be sure you never miss an episode.
If you have a question about motherhood we want to hear it, so email us at info@birdsonawiremoms.com and tune in each week to see if we cover your question. You can also send questions our way via DM on Instagram and Facebook.