WT 056: How Do I Make Each Child Feel Like a Priority?
"Mom, come look at my drawing!" "Mom, look over here at my project!" "Mom, I need a bandaid because I stubbed my toe!" If your a mom to multiples, you know that there are plenty of moments where your sweet littles are battling for your time and attention. As a mom, how do you show them all that you love them and care about them equally? Karen, a mother of four grown children, shares her wisdom on just that in today's episode of the podcast.
Question 1: Having four children, what were some things you did to spend time with your children independently - if at all?
Karen’s Answer: I did do a few things with each child independently, but honestly not that much, it’s just too hard. Anytime I could sneak away with one child, I did. Taking them to practice, shop for clothes, or to run errands. But, it’s hard!
As the children grew older, I would encourage them to come into my room and talk at night by themselves. There were lots of late night talks in my bedroom.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, even helping you cook in the kitchen at night can be one on one time. Look for it even in the small things.
Question 2: All of the kids talk to me at the same time, trying to out-do each other and make themselves heard. How did you deal with this and make each child feel like they matter? I make them take turns but sometimes it gets exhausting having to do this every day, several times a day
Karen’s Answer: I made mine take turns too, but they would still interject their opinions and thoughts. Honestly, it is an ongoing thing. If one of mine would show me their paper that was an A, the others would jump in and say, “I made an A last week,” I would tell mine, that is great, but we celebrated that and now it’s your sister’s turn. You can’t always be in the spotlight.
Sometimes you almost have to make them all stop talking and you as the mom call out who can speak next.
Hang in there and don’t give up or get discouraged, this is a mom’s world! ;)
Question 3: My daughter is well-behaved when she gets plenty of one-on-one time with me, but when I am busy with her younger siblings, she acts out and has an attitude. How do I help her manage her feelings while still making her feel loved?<
Karen’s Answer: Teach her how to handle her feelings, you can’t manage them for her, only she can do that. Remind her later that she is always loved, and just because she feels left out does not give her an excuse to have a bad attitude or be ugly.
I did. But, honestly, I think you have to teach your kids the world doesn’t revolve around them all the time and that is okay! Of course children don’t want to hear that, or believe that, but they need to learn it when they are young. I had to remind myself, that all of my children got plenty of loving, the love was not the problem.
Don’t feel guilty for something that is not your fault. When your child is acting out, that is on them, not you.
Question 4: Karen, I have 3 girls and 1 boy as well. My boy is my oldest and is a great big brother, but because of their ages and similar interests it feels like our calendar revolves around my girls. How did you make Taylor feel celebrated on his own or like his preferences mattered equally to you?
Karen’s Answer: This is hard, because the boy is so outnumbered. I tried. :) I used to tell Taylor, he was my favorite son, and he loved that. Now he says that all the time and is 22. I did what I could for Taylor, but I do think it bothered him that he was surrounded by girls.
Taylor had a best friend that was in a family with four boys. Taylor loved going over to their house, so I let him go anytime he wanted to go. I tried to attend all of Taylor’s golf matches, baseball games, etc.
Do the best you can. Remember, you can’t be ALL things to ALL people. It’s impossible! I used to tell Taylor because of his life experience he was going to be a great husband.
Moms, we know your time is precious, thank you for spending it with us! If you want to spend a weekend pressing pause to be refueled, equipped, and empowered alongside other moms then Birds on a Wire would like to invite you to the Soar Conference!
Soar brings 1000+ moms together for two days. The event will feature brand-new content in three inspirational main stage sessions with Karen Stubbs and multiple breakout sessions to deep-dive into the topics you care about.
Don’t miss this time of learning, laughing, and celebrating our role as moms. Registration is open, reserve your spot at Soar 2017 today!