WT 89: How Do I Show My Husband He Matters Too?
Question 1: Karen, I know being a busy mom is nothing new, but oh how true it is. My husband and my marriage is a priority for me, always. But there are seasons (like right now) where it’s hard to always show it. How do I tell him through action that he is a priority too, even if it’s just a busy season?
Karen's Answer: I love this question. I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. Here are a few suggestions: Make him his favorite meal, write him a note. Choose him over the children and word it that way. “NO kids, I’m going to do this with your dad because he is the most important. Put him 1st. Have sex! :) In the Mom Core curriculum, there is a session on Time Management that has some good suggestions for making and keeping priorities. Start today by being aware - especially of your words.
Question 2: Karen, what’s the best way to tell my husband that I need him to make me more of a priority? He works and I am a stay at home mom, which leaves me with guilt about asking him to make me a priority when he’s working so hard to provide for us. Like most women, I fear becoming the “nagging wife".
Karen's Answer: Why do you feel guilty? Seriously!? He works to provide for the family, which is a good thing, but you are providing for the family too, just in a different way. You are BOTH doing your job. You should still keep each other a priority, do not feel guilty! Go listen to Episode #1 of WireTalk - it is all about guilt! Push past your guilt and ask your husband to go on a date with you, do it this week!
Question 3: Karen, I give everything to my kids all day. In my head, I want to choose to give energy to my husband. But by the time evening hits and he gets home from work, I am truly and completely depleted of energy. I sometimes feel like a half-human after 7pm. How do I recharge my batteries before I see him if I never get a break?
Karen's Answer: I guess the easy answer is to give yourself a break during the day. Get a sitter, tell the kids you are taking a day off. Stop doing so much for your children all the time. There is a session in our newest curriculum: The Six Truths of Motherhood, that I would recommend watching; it's called Finding You Again. Start making yourself a priority and I think you will find some energy for your husband.
Question 4: What are some small acts of kindness I can do to show my husband I love him each day?
Karen's Answer: It really is the little things that show our love best - remember to say, “Good Morning!” Tell him you love him on a regular basis. Give him a hug good-bye and give him a big kiss when you see him at night. Cook especially for him. Praise him and tell him why you love him on a regular basis.
It’s easy to just take our husbands for granted and become roommates. In Cancun I told Greg, “I”m glad we made each other a priority because I can see how couples get to the empty nester season and are just roommates. Greg and I had to really work on it after the kids left. We had to work on doing things together because we are both independent type of people. But I’m glad we pushed through. Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley or re-read it if it's been a while. Do you show your husband love in the language he needs to hear it? Decide is your husband is a priority and then be pro-active in making it a reality.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
WireTalk Episode #1: How Do I Overcome Mommy Guilt?
Six Truths of Motherhood Lesson: Finding You Again
Mom Core Lesson on Time Management
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