WT 251: Loving Your Rebellious Child Well
Let's be honest moms, all of our children can be rebellious at times. And when your child is walking through a season of rebellion, sometimes it's really hard to "feel the love." On today's episode we're answering your questions on everything from toddlers who obey daddy but not mommy to lying to teenagers having sex. Yup, today we're running the full gamut. Pop in those earbuds and join us for this conversation - we hope you'll leave encouraged knowing you're not alone, momma!
Mentioned on today’s show:
The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children
Stand alone video lesson on Discipline from Mom Core curriculum
Stand alone video lesson on Discipline from Six Truths curriculum
The BOAW MOMs Facebook Group
Want more BOAW resources on the topics we talked about today?
Question 1: I have a son who will be 15 at the end of January. He has alway had trouble with lying. He will even concoct a story and not just simply lie or deny. He always says how sorry he is and that he is disappointed. His lying is getting worse and multiple times a week. He gets good grades, has nice friends and is a nice kid. We are honestly at our wits end with him and are hurt that we can’t trust him. So far the lies are pretty basic however this pattern is extremely unsettling. We have had several talks with him, consequences etc.. Please help if you can!
Karen’s Answer: Lying is tough because it is a heart issue. I would just continue doing all that you are doing, and let him know that him telling the truth is imperative for you trusting him. I would tell him that this year between his 15th birthday and him turning 16 will be key in you trusting him with a driver’s license at 16. Tell him, “if we can’t trust you, you will not be driving, and you have a whole year to get this right.” Every single time he lies, call him on it. Stress to him, that any lie is wrong, even if it is a white lie. Ultimately though it is his decision.
Question 2: Hi Karen, I have two adult children (married now, but no kids of their own yet) who are not walking with Christ. Is there any role for me beyond prayer? How can I keep access and influence in their hearts and lives?
Karen’s Answer: This is a great question. I think honestly, all you can do is pray. It is their choice. You can ask God to open a door for you to have conversations, but you have to be okay if those doors don’t open. Continue to love them exactly where they are and pray for them. I know that is the hardest thing for a parent because you feel so helpless. Don’t give up on your prayers for them.
Question 3: I have 2 very active and energetic kiddos, daughter soon to be 6 and son soon to be 4. I am struggling tremendously with discipline and feel like a complete failure in this area. My husband can just look at them and they listen and mind him, but they just run all over me! He tries to help me best he can, but that only goes so far, especially if he isn’t here.
Karen’s Answer: My best advice is to be consistent. When you are the main one with your children all the time, they wear you down. I get that and understand it 100%. Try not to correct or discipline every little thing, when you do you just become a broken record. Pick a few things this week that you are going to focus on and be consistent with that. You may need to sit your children down and tell them, you are not going to put up with a certain behavior any longer and let them know you will be cracking down. Tell them that is their warning. I did that several times with my children arguing back with me all the time. I would say, “I am not putting up with that anymore, this is your warning, so if you do it again, you will be punished right then.”
Question 4: I know it’s not easy to be a teenager, so how do I acknowledge the challenges internally and externally that my teen may be facing without assuming they’re being disrespectful or rebellious?
Karen’s Answer: This is a tough question because I don’t know exactly what you are talking about. :) With my teenagers, I would tell them, “I know it is hard being a teeanger and wanting to grow up faster than you are, but I am not going to tolerate you rolling your eyes at me or talking to me in a disrespectful way. You can ask me for what you want without demanding from me what you want. Let’s try that again.” I would also tell my teens, “ I know all of your friends and doing ___________, but dad and I feel you are too young to do that, so the answer is no.”
Question 5: I just found out my 17 year old daughter is sleeping with her boyfriend (and has been for a few months) - she’s a “good” girl, good grades, respectful, hardworking...all the things I could wish for except in this arena. We talked about waiting until marriage, discussed why that’s God’s best, all things that she was on board with until she met this boy. Is this a discipline issue or is this between her and God at this point? She graduates in May and will be attending college next fall.
Karen’s Answer: Whew! Good question. I think I would sit down with her and the boy and have a heart to heart, and involve your husband. I know this will be super awkward, but if they are going to do adult things, then they need to face the consequences. I would tell them the why behind the no, and your concerns. I would talk this through with your husband beforehand and the two of you get on the same page. It is tricky because she is still under your roof and authority yet you can’t make her stop. I would let her know that she is robbing herself from what God’s best is for her life. I’m not sure she will understand or can understand at 17, but I still think you should talk it through with her. I would for sure, not allow her to go over to his house and when they are at your house keep an eye out. (Even though they can do it anywhere) For sure, pray for her and that God would open up her eyes.
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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