WT 178: Finding Your Child's Currency
Discipline is a constant in our world as moms and it's made harder by the fact that what works for your family constantly changes depending on the child you're disciplining and their age. On today's show we're discussing the idea of discipline as "currency", what that means and how to find out what your child's is. Plus, hear Karen delve into the idea of "pain now = peace later" and the Scripture that keeps her motivated to be consistent. If you're struggling with disciplining one or more children in your family, listen in and be encouraged!
Mentioned on the Show Today:
Discipline series: Episodes 154, 155, 156
Mom Core curriculum - Discipline lesson
Books on raising boys: Boy Mom, Bringing Up Boys
Question 1: I’ve heard you talk about finding your child’s “currency” on the podcast before. Can you unpack that a little bit? What do you mean by currency and how can we identify our child’s?
Karen’s Answer: Currency means what works for your child. Every child is different, even in the same family. Give yourself time to figure it out. Try one thing for a few weeks before you give up on it.
Question 2: Do you have any discipline tips based off of a child’s personality color? Are there “go-to” punishments or consequences that line up with a child’s wiring? With multiple kids at multiple ages I’m realizing one size doesn’t fit all, but I find myself caught off guard sometimes now, not having one set style of discipline that always applies. This discipline thing is tough!
Karen’s Answer: It is tough! I wish there were a chart we could all just follow but there isn’t such a chart. Honestly, the answer I just gave in question 1 is as close as I can come with the personalities. I didn’t mention the Yellow’s but for them separating them from the party usually works. Yellow’s want to be around people, removing them is a huge punishment. Keep trying different things. Hang in there!
Question 3: You’ve talked about “Pain Now = Peace Later,” can you summarize what that really looks like (or means) in a few sentences?
Karen’s Answer: In discipline, just like in dieting, working out, discipline in your work, you have to put in the hard before you reap the benefits. Therefore, pain now= the pain of the discipline, like spankings, time outs, restrictions, etc. that is the pain part, but when you put in the painful part, peace will come later, but it takes time. As moms, we of course don’t want to do the painful part, we want our child just to behave and mind on their own. But, they are children and it is our job to teach them how to mind. Ask God to give you courage to do the hard things in discipline and to see the wisdom in it.
Question 4: My son will be 3 next month and recently he has become a terror 😩 We moved states over the summer so we've made lots of new friends here and they all happen to have boys close to the same age as my son (which I thought was great at first). Before this, he really only hung out with girls since he has a big sister. Now that he's been around more boys he's much more aggressive and doesn't listen as well to me as he used to. For example, we have a broom and mop set that he's always played with correctly, well his friend was over and used the broom as a sword to hit people and now my son has been doing it! There are 2 boys in particular that fuel him into being not the good little boy he used to be. They are sons of women in my weekly bible study. I almost dread having bible study now because after my kiddo plays with these boys he's mean and naughty. How can I get him back to being the sweet little boy he was or how do I cope with the influence of bad behavior?
Karen’s Answer: It is probably a little of both, the influence of the boys, combined with the aging of your son. Most boys I know, and Taylor was this way, loved to play acting with swords, and guns. Boys are more aggressive than girls. That is true and is the way they are wired. But, I would tell your son, and the other boys, we don’t do sword fights with the broom, go outside and find a stick that is smaller for a sword fight. You are going to have to educate him that there is a time and a place for everything. Maybe ask the other moms their suggestions and ask them if they are seeing their sons getting more aggressive. Read a few books on boys, like Bringing up Boys by James Dobson.
Show Credits:
Hosted by Karen Stubbs and Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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