WT 182: Speaking Your Child's Love Language: Part One
We're kicking off a brand-new series today with Part One of a three-part conversation all about the five love languages. You'll get a birds-eye view (no pun intended) of what the five languages are, and then we'll deep dive into Words of Affirmation. As always, Karen gives loads of practical phrases you can start using this week, and even shares how the love languages still help her love her adult children well today.
Question 1: At what age can I start to tell what my kid’s love language is? And how do I figure out what their love language is?
Karen’s Answer: To give an exact age is hard, because all children all different, but I think by 5 or 6 years old you can start to get a good idea. In the Five Love Languages book, there are questions in the back of the book that you can ask a child and from their answers you can start to determine what your child’s love language is. You can ask questions like, “Would you rather sit with me and let me read a book to you (quality time) or would you rather me give you a back rub?” (Physical touch) These questions can help a mom determine what her child is. Looking back I can see that Emily and Abby were physical touch even as a baby, but when they were babies, I didn’t think much of it. Become a student of your child today, learn what their love language is, their temperament is, what energizes them and what drains them. All of this information will help you be a better mom!
Question 2: What are some creative ways I can speak words of affirmation to my teenagers? They aren’t big on conversations with mom these days! ;)
Karen’s Answer: Let it become a game with you, on trying to find ways to build your child up with words. I think with teens need positive words and words that build up, not tear down. Suggestions:
I love watching you mature into a young man or woman.
I am so proud of all that you have accomplished in high school, the way you are managing your sports and grades is wonderful
I know this has been a hard season for you, you are under a lot of pressure, but I want to tell you I think you are doing a great job!
I love you so much and I’m proud of you, I hope you know that.
Question 3: Piggybacking off of that mom’s question, what are some ways moms can speak affirmation into their child’s life during the various seasons of their lives?
Little: Praise their actions and their heart. I love it when I see you sharing, when you gave grandmother a big hug and sat with her, that was very sweet of you, you have such a loving heart. You are such a big helper to mommy. Thank you for helping me set the table today.
Middle Years: I’m proud of you for all the hard work you are putting into school, it shows. You are such a good friend. I see how you don’t get jealous of others, and how you always choose to love others. Thank you for getting up in the morning on time, while getting ready for school. That really helps me get ready for work. I appreciate you and all the responsibility you show every day.
Teenager: See above answers. You are a sweet girl/boy. I am proud of you! You are doing a good job in school. Dad and I are honored to be your parents.
Adult Children: You are doing a good job. You are a good mom, or you are a good dad. I’m proud of you. The way you are leading your family is inspiring.
Question 4: When disciplining a child who is HUGE words of affirmation... how do you tell them you’re disappointed in their behavior or that they’ve misbehaved without them going right to tears? I have a 4yr old who is huge words of affirmation and anytime I try to correct her she immediately bursts into tears ... this just recently started after her 4th birthday. Is this just something that comes with this age?
Karen’s Answer: Some children are more sensitive than others. Keep that in mind when you are talking and disciplining her, but sometimes, you as the mom just have to tell her that her actions were not good. Tears are not always a bad thing, they are needed sometimes.
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