WT 183: Speaking Your Child's Love Language: Part Two
We're back with part two of our conversation on the five love languages today. In this episode, we're taking a look at Quality Time and Gifts. Karen defines what it means to speak these languages to your kids and answers questions like, "how much quality time is enough?" and "how do I deal with sibling jealousy when I give gifts to one child?"
Mentioned on the show today:
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
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Question 1: When I’m surrounded by my sweet blessings 24/7, the last thing I want to do is give one of them “quality time”! They literally get it ALL DAY LONG from me. Will this get easier as they get older? Should I still make the effort to take them out and do special things with each of them? The idea honestly exhausts me.
Karen’s Answer: Actually what you are giving is quantity of time, not necessarily quality time. I know that this love language in particular can be exhausting for certain types of people, so I get it. But, to answer your question, yes, you still need to give quality time and do special things with your child even though you are spending a lot of quantity time. Now, not every child has this for their love language. But, if you have more than one child, odds are you have a child that their love language is quality time. Keep in mind, quality time doesn’t mean you have to go do a big outing or go on a weekend get away, it can be you sitting down with your child to read a book, watch a favorite show together, it could be that as your child gets older they sit in the kitchen with you while you cook and they just talk. I am quality time, and when I was a teenager I would almost every night sit on the counter while my mom would make dinner and we just talked. If this love language exhausts you, and that is okay if it does! Physical touch is hard for me at times, but try and think of ways to spend quality time with your child that you would actually enjoy as well. Maybe start a hobby together with your child, that is something the two of you do together.
Question 2: It seems to me like some languages are easier to speak in certain seasons of a child’s life than in others; what are some ways moms can speak the love language of quality time into their child’s life during each season of growing up?
Karen’s Answer:
Little: Read a book, have a tea party, play legos, go outside and take a walk together
Middle Years: Read a book, after school time to sit and talk about your day, special trip to get a bite to eat or a snack, let them sit and talk while you make dinner.
Teenager: Nails done, watch a football game together or baseball game, go shopping, go out to eat and talk, pick a show and watch it together. Abby and I watch old movies, or Downton Abby together.
Adult Children: Eating together, Facetiming, sports, nails, shopping, vacationing, playing games.
Question 3: My 13 year old son has gifts as a love language and we try to buy him small things now and then to show him he is seen and loved. However, my 8 year old daughter sees this as simply “not fair”. We are constantly telling our kids life isn’t fair, but should we bust out the 5 Love Languages and explain to her why we give him extra little gifts sometimes? It isn’t as though she never gets gifts! But it’s clearly not as special to her as it is to him...help!
Karen’s Answer: Yes of course bust out the book. I would even suggest you study the book as a family. Make it exciting and fun, and a mystery like let’s discover what all of our love languages are and lets start speaking each other’s love language. I think your children would love that and they will love that you are trying to figure them out. Let them learn what your love language is!
Question 4: How do you give gifts to young children without setting an expectation for them that gifts are the norm? Is there language you use when gift giving to help them see that this is “special” and not an everyday or always kind of thing?
Karen’s Answer: Gifts is also my love language and with this love language it’s not that you have to be showering this person with gifts all the time, it is all about the thought behind the gift and that someone thought of you. It could be a note written and left under their pillow, it could be a note in their lunch box. For me, it could be that my husband or children bring me a large tea from Chick Fil A with extra lemon. ☺ The point is they know I love that and they think of me. It could be a flower picked in the yard and given. Gifts don’t have to be big. It could be you make your child’s favorite cookies and they are waiting for them hot when they get home from school. With gifts it’s all about the thought behind the gift. Start being a detective and investigate what your child loves!
Show Credits:
Hosted by Karen Stubbs and Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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