WT 184: Speaking Your Child's Love Language: Part Three
We're back today with the last installment in our Love Languages mini-series. Acts of service and physical touch are the final languages we're covering as we answer your questions and Karen gives loads of practical tips. If you're just tuning in, be sure to catch up with episodes 182 and 183 in this series!
Question 1: One of my children definitely shows love by serving the family - does that mean that is his love language? If so, what are some creative ways I can love him through service when it feels like I am doing “acts of service” for my family all day, every day!?
Karen’s Answer: A lot of times a person does do what they love being done for them, so probably yes that you found his love language. Good job! You are doing acts of service all day long for your family. The only thing I can say that might help you is try focusing on that one child and not just lump him into the entire family. For instance, if he’s had a rough weekend and goes to school with his room a mess, clean it up for him and leave a note saying, “I know you’ve been a little crazy with your schedule, so thought I’d help you out! You are doing a great job!”
Question 2: My love language is acts of service and I probably cross the line at times in serving my kids b/c I find it rewarding. I end up doing things for them that they should probably be doing themselves. How do I work toward balance here and how do I love the child well who’s love language is service without crippling her in the long run by doing too much for her?
Karen’s Answer: GREAT question! Wow, the fact that you are so self - aware about this scenario is the first major step! I think a lot of it depends on your child’s age. If your child is in high school and you are still “doing” everything for them, that is not great and you need to take a few big steps back. You can still spoil them every so often but it doesn’t need to be every week or even every month. I think I would watch your child’s behavior and if you see a reliance on you that they are expecting you to do certain things for them, that is a sign you are doing too much. For instance, when Abby was in high school Greg would make her lunches everyday. On the weeks Greg was not home, if Abby came downstairs and her lunch wasn’t made by me, she would fuss about it. That is a clear sign that she is spoiled and we needed to take a few big steps backward.
Question 3: I’m pretty positive my 10 year old daughter’s love language is physical touch. She will hug anyone and everyone and is always going in for a kiss with grandma, her brothers, the babysitter, friends of mine from work, friends of friends, and honestly pretty much anyone she’s known for more than 5 minutes. I don’t want to scare her or stomp on her beautiful love language, but I want her to understand she needs to have boundaries when it comes to physical touch. (Preferably before she gets a boyfriend…) Any ideas??
Karen’s Answer: I had two girls that were the same way. Get her a wonderful pet that she can pour all of her love and affection on! I’m serious! My Emily has the biggest heart and is VERY affectionate. She started riding horses in the third grade and her riding instructor told me, “keep her in horses and she will put all of her love and affection towards the horse.” I did, and she did. ☺ Emily didn’t have a serious boyfriend until college, and by then she had matured a good bit, so we were good.
Question 4: My middle child is HUGE on physical touch. That boy loves back scratches and hugs and snuggles more than anyone I know. However...we are a family who spanks as a part of discipline and I have noticed that spankings CRUSH him. I have 3 other kids and while none of them like being spanked, they all bounce back pretty quickly. But this little guy freaks out beforehand and wilts afterward. Is it all right to adjust our method of discipline for him or should we stick with it? And if we need to adjust, what else would you suggest?
Karen’s Answer: Since it affects him so much, maybe limit the spankings to absolute last resort. You can try taking away a favorite toy, technology, give him a good talk on what he did wrong, or even sentence writing or chores.
Show Credits:
Hosted by Karen Stubbs and Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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