WT 187: What If What I'm Doing Isn't Working?
Whether it’s outbursts of your own anger, temper tantrums from your 5 year old, or the overwhelm that comes from working full time as a new mom…we all know what it’s like to feel defeated from day to day in motherhood. On today’s show Karen answers questions about what to do when it seems like nothing you’ve done has worked. Listen in, be encouraged, and as always, remember that you are a GREAT mom!
Links from today’s show:
Mom Core- Discipline & Boundaries
Six Truths of Motherhood study- Discipline (video of Karen’t talk is available FREE in the BOAW app)
Question 1: How do I keep my cool? My boys 2 & 5 are notorious for pushing my buttons. After firmly asking them do something 2-3 times they still won’t follow my command. Not until I scream do they actually listen to me. I’ve tried time out and the dreaded wooden spoon, but nothing really works except yelling. I’d love to be a “calm mom”. How would you react in this situation?
Karen’s Answer: I would try not telling them 2-3 times, but tell them once then if they don’t obey enforce the punishment. You have to re-train them on that you mean business the first time. I used to tell my children first that I am not going to be giving them 2-3 chances but just one and they needed to start minding on the first time. It takes work, and lots of consistency, but it’s worth it in the end I think.
Question 2: Recently, when I ask my 5 year old daughter to do something she doesn’t want to do, she acts disrespectfully (stomping her foot, rolling her eyes, irritated tone). I try to not get angry and give her a consequence, like doing chores. She seems to respond to this, but I want this behavior to stop! What do you recommend specifically for a disrespectful attitude? Any advice on how to not let what feels like a personal attacks rock our relationship? Thanks so much—I love listening to the podcast and your experiences!
Karen’s Answer: It’s not personal because she’s five. I know it’s hard not to take it personally, but keep in mind you are dealing with a child. As a mom you have to develop thick skin. The way I look at it, your daughter is doing what comes natural to her, and your job is to teach her “how” to act. She is going to push back and act out, because she is a child. It is hard, but you can do it. Try to be consistent and don’t give her an inch, especially when you are re-training her. Say things like, “I don’t like your tone, try asking me in a sweet kind voice.” Or “Please stop rolling your eyes at me, that is disrespectful”.
Question 3: I'm a first time mom of an 8 month old girl and I'm struggling. I work away from home from 6:00 am to 7:30 pm. I constantly feel exhausted and guilty that I'm not performing well as a mother. I have minimal time with my daughter due to my schedule during the week and feel like I don't spend enough time with her on the weekends b/c I’m catching up on errands and housework that I cannot do during the week. My husband has started to help but I don’t think he understands the magnitude of my stress and guilt. How can I secure time to give my daughter the attention I feel she deserves, and how do I give my heart reassurance that I'm a good mom?
Karen’s Answer: You are a good mom. You are providing for your daughter by working, and that is a good mom. With the guilt, recognize that what you are feeling is false guilt. You are not committing a sin by working. There are a lot of moms all over the world that work and they are working to put food on the table and a roof over your household. That is not a bad mom, that is a good, responsible mom. When you are with your daughter let the guilt go. When you parent out of guilt you aren’t doing your daughter any favors. You be the mom you need to be whether you are working full time or not. On the weekends, if you have to cheat in a few areas, cheat on the housework and fully engage with your daughter. If you can’t release the guilt, then I would start to pray and ask God to bring you a job to where you are not gone so long from your home. Ask him to meet your needs.
Question 4: I'm the mom to two, ages 2.5, and 7 months. Since my first child was born I have had problems controlling the amount of gifts that my mother in law wants to shower on our children. She brings new toys every time she visits which is about 2-3 times a month. Several times she has taken away our experience of giving certain special gifts without asking. For example, she bought my daughter her first tricycle, and her first American Girl doll. I was heartbroken over these gifts that I wanted to be able to give her myself one day at the right time. I have asked my husband to ask her to stop doing this, but I don't feel like she's getting the message. My husband and I are both greens who don't like confrontation, and she is a very sensitive blue. With Christmas coming I need advice on how to handle this situation!
Karen’s Answer: I think you are going to have to dig down and push your Green self to have a conversation with your mother in law. She may not even be aware that she is stealing your joy. She maybe thinking that she is saving you money or doing you a favor. I would just ask her to run the bigger gift by you first before she gives them. Think about the conversation this way, if you have the conversation now, it could be saving you from a bigger conflict in the future. I know it is hard for the Green BUT remember you can do ALL things in Christ who gives you strength.
Show Credits:
Hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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