WT 189: We Need An Attitude Adjustment Over Here!
Whether it’s a clash over chores, homework, or just a difference of personality, our kids’ attitudes can bring us down in a heartbeat. Listen for Karen’s wisdom on how to handle attitude explosions, how to celebrate and not fight your kids’ wiring, and how to set healthy boundaries so their emotions don’t suck you in!
Links from today’s show:
Being A Student of Your Child (from the Mom Core curriculum)
Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend
Question 1: My 6 year old is struggling with homework of 1st grade. My patience is short (and I’m working on myself). How can I best help him adjust to the fact that homework is now a daily part of his life for YEARS to come? Thanks.
Karen’s Answer: You tell him that. Tell him, “Buddy, I know you don’t like this but this is the way it is. The quicker you get your homework done the quicker you can go play.” Don’t rescue him or do it for him, because you will only be creating bad habits that you will have to correct later on and it will be harder. Be honest and don’t sugar coat it.
Question 2: I am a yellow with a blue 12 year old son . He is a deep thinker and always keeps me on my toes with his questions on religion, science, politics and more. I am struggling with how critical he is about everything. If he can’t do something perfectly, he won’t try. I have 2 💙s (oldest son and husband) and a 💚 10 year old son. I feel like I am always trying to lift someone’s spirits and it gets exhausting. I know I am not responsible for their happiness, but it is so hard not to try!! Do I force my 💙 son to try new things? What is the best tactic to get them to try new things if I think he would enjoy it?
Karen’s Answer: Blues are always going to be critical, just like you are always going to want to have fun. You can’t get that out of them, no more than someone can get your positive outlook on life out of you. I would try to parent and focus on your child’s strengths and not their weakness. When someone is living out of their strengths, they tend to be more confident and confidence helps people want to try new things. God placed your yellow temperament in the family for a reason! Your family needs a daily dose of sunshine, but try not to let them bring you down. Ask if they want help and if they say no, keep on going. Don’t try to change your son, I had to release trying to make Taylor happy and not an negative.
Question 3: I realize that I am not responsible for my daughter’s joy but what do you do when nothing I do is enough? Example: a friend comes over for a few hours but I will not let her stay for dinner, day ruined.
Karen’s Answer: Part of that is her age, part of it is drama and part of it is manipulation. All of it, you have to realize and not allow your daughter’s melt downs control you or upset your mood. So, when she says, “My day is ruined”, you say, “I’m sorry, I thought you had a nice day with your friend.” Then let it go. Don’t argue with her, don’t engage and try to convince her how wonderful her day was, just say, “I’m sorry”. Try not to allow her to draw you into the drama. Realize she is the child and you are the adult.
Question 4: I loved episode #124 about Managing the Homefront. I think enlisting the whole “team“ to help with the household chores is great. It’s something that we do in our home. The big question I have is how to address my children’s attitudes when I asked them to do something. They have always had to fold their own laundry and empty the dishwasher and set the table and clean their rooms, etc. but I’m not sure if there’s a time where I don’t get attitude back from them. Will they ever just do it without complaining? How do I help them with their attitudes? They are 11, 9 and 6. Thank you!
Karen’s Answer: Attitudes are tricky because on one hand they ARE doing what you asked them to do, but their attitude isn’t great. I think about myself and the way I am with God, sometimes I obey him but my attitude isn’t great. But, I am obeying. I think if my kids are obeying, and the attitude isn’t the best I would let it go, unless they are really being super disrespectful. You can’t get onto your children about everything. No one likes to take out the trash, or empty the dishwasher, not even me. So, let them be human. At least they are obeying, that is good!
Show Credits:
Hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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